I had no idea how many songs we’d sung or how long we’d been there. Every second careened into the next; they all crushed together until they became one monstrous, unending thing. Not a second or a minute or an hour anymore. This night wasn’t something I could measure. It was bigger and much more terrifying, as unimaginable as infinity.
Jamie was singing a Radiohead song—his voice low and mumbly—and David whispered, “What a downer.”
I’d been drinking another toxic melon soda, but it was watered-down and tasteless. I needed to go to the bathroom.
“Bathroom,” I said.
I climbed over David’s legs on my way to the door, and he wrapped his fingers briefly around my wrist.
In the bathroom, I washed my face with cold water. My reflection was confusing. It was someone else entirely.
What time is it? Why am I even here?
I opened the door, and he was leaning against the wall across from me.
“What’s up?” I asked, fanning my neck.
David didn’t answer. Just took my face in his hands, pressed me against the door to another karaoke room, and kissed me to the sound of someone singing “Manic Monday.”
I didn’t kiss him back. But I didn’t stop him, either.
CHAPTER 29
SATURDAY
“WHAT THE FUCK?!”
Someone was shouting at us.
I put my hands on David’s chest and managed to shift him away from me, to give myself some breathing room. He had a dazed look on his face. His eyelids were heavy, and his mouth was still sort of open. I turned my head to the side. Mika was standing in the door of our karaoke room. With Jamie.
“What. The. Fuck!” Mika said again. Her new haircut brought out the intensity in her face. The stern set of her jaw, the fury in her eyes.
“What’s up, Miks?” David said placidly. “We’re just hanging. Everything’s fine here.”
“What are you even doing?” Mika yelled.
“Mika,” Jamie said. He sounded distant, like the real him was shuttered and closed off. Like he was somebody else. “Don’t.”
Caroline came to the door. “Is someone hurt?”
“Out!” Mika said. She was pointing at David. “I want you out. This is my birthday, and I’m pulling the birthday-girl card, and you can get the hell out. Now!”
My knees buckled. I steadied myself against the door, which was shaking from the music. Not “Manic Monday” anymore. “Bohemian Rhapsody.”
“It’s not his fault,” I managed to say.
“Damn straight it’s his fault!” Mika stormed over and shoved David. “Do you think it’s funny to do this to her?”
David reached into his pocket for a cigarette. His nervous tic. “Calm down, kiddo. We’re all having fun here.”
Fun. Was it fun? Was it even good? My lips felt cold and wet. My chin felt wet, too.
“Sophia?” Caroline asked. “What just happened?”
I took a deep breath. Jamie was standing next to her, only a few feet away.
“Jamie…” I said.
He turned around and punched the door to our karaoke room so hard it blew back on its hinges. “Fuck,” he said. And then louder. “Fuck.”
Caroline flattened herself against the wall in surprise. Piercing music hovered in the hallway.
“Jamie…” And now I was crying, really crying. Sliding down the wall and dissolving completely. I couldn’t fix this. There was no way on earth I could ever make this right.
“Don’t.” Jamie turned around. “Don’t talk to me.”
I swiped the back of my hand over my eyes and tried to think of something I could do. Something other than cry and feel numb.
But he was already going, head down. Disappearing down a stairwell, and disappearing in general. I pulled my legs into my chest. Mika and David were still yelling.
“You can’t decide who I kiss,” David said. “This doesn’t have anything to do with you.”
“Oh, screw you!” she shouted. “Just because I won’t date you doesn’t mean you can mess around with Sophia. Because you can’t! Not on my fucking watch!”
David said nothing.
“This isn’t a joke,” Mika said, spitting out every word. “I want you gone. I want you out, now!”
I put my face on my knees. The tears were sliding out easily, a few of them running down my calves. Caroline crouched down beside me, studying my face with obvious concern. She was holding a glass of water. “You need to drink this.”
“Fine,” David said. “You want me gone? No problem. Happy friggin’ birthday to you.”
He didn’t say anything to me as he walked away. And I didn’t watch him go.
“Hey? Sophia?” Mika and Caroline were lifting me up. “Sophia,” Mika said again, pushing some sticky hair out of my eyes. “We have to get you home. Or to your hotel, or whatever.”
I hugged her tightly, my face pressed to her shoulder. She hugged me even tighter than that.
Before we left karaoke, Mika and Caroline made me drink three whole glasses of water. Mika ordered them from the bar downstairs. I drank and I cried, curled up in a corner of one of the couches. I cried until my sinuses went raw and scratchy, until my tear ducts actually burned. Mika got out her phone and started texting.
“Are you texting David?” I asked, lifting my cheek from the plastic seat.
“Hell no,” she said. “I’m telling Jamie to leave.”
I rubbed my nose on my shirt, which was so disgusting I’d have to throw it out. “I think he left already,” I said, miserably. Wretchedly.
“No,” she said. “He was waiting downstairs in case I needed someone to take me home.”
That made me cry all over again. Which made Caroline hug me and cry as well.
“You two are fucking ridiculous,” Mika said.
Caroline and Mika came to the hotel with me. When we walked through the door to my room, Alison said, “Good. God. It’s worse than an MTV reality show in here.”
Mika laughed and smirked approvingly.
It was late, and we were all tired, so they decided to stay over. I lent them T-shirts, and Alison lent them leggings. There was Advil in my toiletry bag, so I took some of that.
“I didn’t drink that much,” I said when we were all crowded in the blindingly white hotel bathroom. Caroline was sitting on the edge of the bathtub while Mika and I washed our faces.