BACK WHEN DAVID AND MIKA used to drink and I didn’t, I’d wonder what the point of it all was. Drinking made people drowsy and mean. It made them laugh at things that weren’t funny and cry at things that weren’t sad. It made them say things most preschoolers would find nonsensical.
But as it turned out, it also made them feel good. Great, even. I felt greater than great, like my worries and cares had been filed down. Like I had less of a neurotic edge. When people bumped into me, I didn’t notice. When I thought about Jamie, I didn’t feel like lying facedown on the ground and weeping.
God. I was practically edge-free.
David ordered me a melon soda with vodka. It tasted different from a melon soda without vodka. “It’s like someone dumped toxic chemicals into it,” I said.
“Exactly!” David said. “That’s exactly what happened.”
I drank two toxic melon sodas and ate the ice cubes out of the bottom of each glass. “Come on.” I grabbed David’s hand. “Dancing time.”
“Dancing time?” he asked. “You want to dance?”
“Yes! Dancing time!”
The metal staircase was a lot spinnier than it had been an hour ago. My feet didn’t feel attached to my legs anymore, and I grabbed the railing with both hands. “Don’t remember how to do this,” I grumbled.
David put his hands on my waist and murmured into the back of my neck. “One step at a time, little Sofa.”
When we reached the top, I couldn’t believe how many people were up there. Probably a thousand T-Cadders, all writhing in an enormous mass, singing along to some song I didn’t know. David was singing, too. He dragged me into the belly of the beast, and the two of us started jumping up and down.
Yes! Jumping! Jumping is great!
David was super cute with his spiky hair flapping all over his forehead. Since he was tall and I was short, I had an excellent view of his stomach and chest. He was long and thin and, from all the times I’d hugged him, I knew how he felt, too. Flexible and strong.
I thrust both hands into the air and started singing some lyrics I’d just made up for this song I didn’t know. Something about badgers wearing top hats. David broke out laughing and grabbed my hand, knotting his fingers with mine.
Holding hands! Yes! This is great!
David was my friend. He was my friend because we were both bastards and we could be bastards together. Remove all sexual desire from the equation, and we were just two bastards. Two bastards enjoying each other’s company.
David let go of my hand and looped his arms around my waist. He lifted one eyebrow and smirked. I imitated him, which made him laugh again and lean into me. He had a really cute laugh.
I spun out of his grip, and that’s when I spotted her. Bald head and black shirt ripped at the collar. Mika was standing at the top of the stairs, scanning the crowd. Jamie and Caroline weren’t with her, which made me feel panic under all my other feelings. My happy, swimmy feelings. She homed in on me, and then she was waving like crazy.
I bounced up to David’s ear and pointed at Mika. “WE ARE SUMMONED!”
David stopped jumping. He squeezed my hand and pulled me back down the stairs to follow her.
“It’s cold!” I said as soon as the bar door closed behind us.
“No, it’s not!” David said.
I rolled my eyes. “I meant relatively speaking.”
Jamie and Caroline were standing by the brick exterior of the bar, talking to each other. They had serious looks on their faces. Serious, boring looks.
The bar was right in the middle of Roppongi-dori. The street stretched away from me on either side, a long, straight blur of neon. The people going up and down it were zombies. Vacant-eyed, shuffling zombies. The whole street… a blur of neon. Really blurry…
I fell into David’s shoulder, and it was like falling into a warm, solid pillow. I felt his muscles react as he steadied me. “Whoa,” he said.
“Everyone in there is a moron,” Mika declared. “Austin Cormack just tried to rub my head for good luck, and that was the last fucking straw, as far as I’m concerned. We’re going.”
I kept my head resting against David’s shoulder. “I kind of like it in there. It grows on you.”
“Like a foot fungus,” David said, and we both started giggling. I was still holding his hand, or maybe he was holding mine. I let go.
When Caroline saw me, she walked over and linked her arm through mine, steering me away from David. Her hair was in a bun on top of her head, and her neck and cheeks were flushed. “Where were you?” she whispered. “Is everything all right?”
“I’m great,” I said. “Edge-free.”
The door of the bar opened again, expelling a gush of loud music. A group of kids staggered out. More zombies, so blurry.
Caroline scrunched up her nose. “Oh my God,” she said, still whispering for some strange reason. “Are you drunk?”
“Duh,” I said. “Isn’t everyone?”
David made us stop by a konbini so he could buy those little bottled drinks that prevent hangovers. He was right; it wasn’t cold out. Walking around Roppongi was like walking around in a giant steam bath. Everyone’s clothes were clinging to their skin.
Mika said she couldn’t stomach another club, so we went to karaoke instead. We got a room with a window and red plastic couches. David sat down next to me and put his arm around my shoulders.
“You better not mean this in a romantic way,” I said.
Jamie and Mika and Caroline stayed on the other side of the room. They weren’t talking to me anymore, not even Caroline. Jamie’s face was so sad—stupid, sad-faced Jamie. Just because he was in a movie once didn’t mean he could act sad whenever he felt like it. I glared at him. But he wasn’t paying attention to me. He kept tracing the lip of his beer glass with his thumb. Stupid, sad Jamie and his stupid, sad thumb.
Mika was singing something. Shouting it, actually.