He smiled and pressed his mouth to hers again, tenderly this time.
“Not usually, but sometimes there’s a hint of hesitation. My mother once said that love comes in stages, and if you rush them, you miss out on all the best parts. I want the best parts with you. I want every part. The anticipation, the laughter, the certainty of knowing that at the end of the day we’ll be there for each other no matter what. That feeling that’s burning through us right now will only grow hotter, and I promise you, by the time I take you there, you’ll have no more doubt—and it’ll make our love that much sweeter.”
Chapter Fourteen
LIZZIE LAY IN Blue’s arms beneath the stars, his naked body safely cocooning her, their skin glistening from the efforts of their lovemaking. Guilt washed over her with every gust of wind off the sea. She’d come there to confess her secret, and instead she’d told him she loved him. She did love him, but that wasn’t the secret she needed to tell him. How could she reveal the truth now and risk what they had when she loved him so much that she physically ached inside as she tried to weed through the guilt that was pulling her from his arms?
“Are you cold?” He reached for her shirt and helped her put it on.
“A little.” She dressed quickly, struggling to figure out how she had allowed herself to get in so deep. When he’d been telling her how he felt, what he wanted to do with her, talking about a future, their future, she could picture it all. For a while, the webcast disappeared, like it had never existed. And she’d allowed herself to hang on to the fantasy and hang on to her love for him.
“Stay with me tonight,” he said as he buttoned his jeans.
“I want to, but I can’t.” She felt on the verge of tears, needing to tell him the truth. She would never forgive herself if she went home without telling him, no matter how much it would kill her to do it.
“Blue, we need to talk.”
He pulled his shirt over his head, and his eyes turned serious. “I shouldn’t have said those things to you. It’s too soon.”
He reached for her, and she fell into the comfort of him. This was just like him, taking the blame without even knowing what she wanted to talk about. It would be so easy to quit the webcast and pretend it had never existed, but she couldn’t do that to Maddy.
“It’s not that. I’m on the exact same page with my feelings for you. I love you, more than I ever imagined possible.” She hated hearing the fear in her voice. Her throat thickened, and she swallowed hard to try to regain her courage.
“Lizzie, what’s wrong?” He lifted her chin, and tears sprang from her eyes. “Sweetheart?” He folded her in his arms and ran a soothing hand down her back. “You can talk to me. Whatever it is can’t be that bad.”
She pulled back, breathing hard. “I…” I can’t do this. I have to do this. Oh God. Why did I ever start the stupid webcast?
Because I had no choice.
She swiped angrily at the tears streaming down her cheeks. She needed to do this. Blue deserved the truth.
“I need to tell you something, and I don’t want to. I want to go home and pretend I never came over.”
“This sounds serious.” He released her, and she suddenly felt very alone.
“I think it is.” I wish it weren’t. She could barely concentrate past the fear rushing through her and the sound of her heartbeat in her ears. She was unwilling to meet his gaze and unable to turn away. She didn’t know where to start. Should she tell him the whys of it all or start with the worst part and tell him what she did twice a week? Did it matter which she led with when the end result would be the same?
She could run to her car—drive away without saying another word. Then tomorrow she could try to pretend the whole thing had never happened—that she hadn’t been meaning to tell him and chickened out. The pain of knowing what she was about to reveal nearly dropped her to her knees. What happened to the levelheaded woman she’d been? How could she have let her heart get so tied up in him when she knew she had a secret that wasn’t fair to keep from the man she loved?
And she did love him, regardless of how fast it had happened. It was real and present and all around her, in the ache coursing through her and the worry rolling off of him in waves.
“Okay. I’m listening,” he said, his devastatingly sexy and serious eyes locked on her.
“Before I tell you, I need you to know that my intent was not to deceive you.”
***
BLUE’S GUT FISTED, and every nerve instantly caught fire. Nothing good could possibly follow those words. Deceive was a dangerous word, and not one he’d expected to hear from Lizzie. Despite the uncertainty he heard in her voice, he reached for her again, unable and unwilling to turn his feelings off based on one sentence.