Claire stands at the front of the church, her father’s body resting behind her. The pews are filled with friends, colleagues, and students, along with their parents. I have been touched, hugged, promised visits, and offered condolences from people I don’t know. Behind me sits my friends, the ones who saved us. No one here knows what really happened, and the police bought the stray bullet story. They found tracks in the woods and figured it was a hunting bullet gone astray. Not uncommon here.
Ryley wanted to sit next to me, but I told her people would stare. Never, in the years that I’ve been here, have I talked about anyone other than Claire. I don’t want to explain where my sudden barrage of friends came from. This is still my home.
“Most of you know my dad as Mr. Barnes, but to me he was just Dad, except when I wanted something and I would call him Daddy. When I was little he came into my life and showed me what it’s like to be loved by two parents.” Claire has to pause to wipe her tears and clear her voice. She cries softly, making me want to go to her, but I know she needs to do this on her own.
“He taught me how to swing, ride a bike, ski, and use a bow. My dad used to say that I could be an Olympian in Sky Archery. We were just waiting for the snow to fall before we went out again.
“I know you guys are going to miss him as your teacher, or maybe not because he gave really hard tests, but I’m going to miss him for his laugh, the jokes he used to tell me on our way to school, and how he looked at my mom. Every time he saw her, it was like he was seeing her for the first time. I know my dad loved all of his students, even the ones who gave him a hard time, and he’d want his classes to know that he’s proud of all of you.”
I hear sniffling and a few sobs coming from the people surrounding me. When she told me earlier that she was going to speak, I didn’t know what to expect. Watching her now, as she turns toward Ray’s casket, rips my heart into pieces. She doesn’t deserve this.
“Dad, I’m going to miss you so much. Thanks for loving me and helping me grow.”
With those final words, Claire steps down and returns to her seat next to me, burying her face into my side, the sobs she was keeping at bay being absorbed by my body. The minister returns to the pulpit and asks if anyone else would like to say a few things. To my surprise, Tucker stands and walks to the front.
He clears his throat and while I’m staring at him, he’s looking anywhere but me.
“I know no one knows me, but a long time ago Ray did me a favor. It’s a favor I’ll never be able to repay him for. I’m just sorry that I was too late in thanking him.” Tucker bows his head, shaking it slightly. His fingers come to rest against his mouth before I hear an audible intake of air. “Ray, what you did … there are no words for the gratitude I feel.”
I try to fight back the tears, but to no avail. Only the small group of us understand what Tucker means, can fully grasp why he’s saying thank you to Ray. I want to think Tucker would’ve done that anyway, once he met Ray, but I don’t know. SEALs are different from other men; they’re more protective and love more fiercely because they never know if it’s the last time.
People are going to ask who he is and I’m going to lie. It’s what I’m best at. I don’t know if Tucker is going to be a friend from college or some man he helped on the street one day, but I will not tarnish the memory of Ray because of a life I used to live. As easy as it would be to fall back into my old life, to move away from here and start over, I don’t think that’s what Claire wants. She doesn’t even want to be called Claire, and as much as it’s going to hurt Tucker, she’s my priority.
A couple of Ray’s co-workers speak, reminding everyone what a nice, kind, and loving man he was. Their words hit home, stabbing me in an already decimated heart, reminding me that I couldn’t trust him enough to tell him my secret until it was too late. When I received the email from Buzz, I should’ve run. Ray didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve my deceit. All he asked from me is love and I gave it to him, but as I sit here now I don’t think I gave him enough.