I tried to occupy my time at work, waiting for her to text me and let me know she was home, but it never came. I had no doubt in my mind that once she got home she’d realize a life with a SEAL is near impossible. A lot of women, and some men, can’t handle the military. It takes a special type of spouse to marry a service person. You give up a lot, for very little in return.
The night Penny left, I went to Magoos to drown my sorrows. Tomorrow would be a new day, but that night I was going to mourn what I could’ve had if things had been slightly different. I know that if I weren’t in the Navy I would’ve never met her, but it was still nice to think about.
Two beers in, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I tilted my head slightly, never looking behind me, only to tell the female that I wasn’t interested. Then she spoke. The way my name fell off her lips had my body zinging. I turned on the stool and took her in, with her blonde hair pulled into a ponytail and her sunglasses resting on top of her head. Penny stood in front of me with her luggage at her feet.
Hi was the only word I could muster. Penny had made it to her first stop, only to get off and buy a flight back to San Diego.
That night, dressed only by the light of the moon, I made love to her. She moved in that same night. I had a small studio apartment off base and we made it work.
A month later I asked her to marry me, and she said yes. What followed was frantic planning which was tossed aside when orders came in for deployment. Her dream wedding was no longer an option for her and we went to the justice of the peace instead.
Our wedding night consisted of lovemaking until we could no longer keep our eyes open. She knew I was saying good-bye without using words. The war had escalated and too many of us were dying. I wanted her to know and remember how much I loved her.
My first piece of mail from her was a radiology image of what looked like a bean. The card accompanying the image said ‘Hi, Daddy’. I was going to be a dad and I prayed for the first time in my life that I’d be there when my child was born. And I was.
Days before Penny was due I got papers saying I was going home. To this day, I stand firmly behind the fact that I caused Penny to go into labor. I didn’t tell her I was coming home and since it was only a few of us returning, the surprise was easy to pull off. I knocked on the door of our on base housing—one she had to move into all by herself—and waited for her to answer. Her belly, plump and with my child growing inside of her, was the first thing I noticed. The squeal brought my eyes to my wife for the first time in eight months. The sheer panic that spread across her face seconds later literally brought me to my knees. Within hours of coming home, I was a dad to a beautiful baby girl.
I wipe away the trail of tears falling down my face. Muffled voices above me let me know everyone is awake, and it’s only a matter of time before I hear EJ running up and down the stairs, wondering if I’m awake.
The only thing my dream and early morning recollection of Penny have done for me is remind me I need to be back in San Diego. Where she disappeared to starts from there, not here, and while I appreciate that Marley is here, I can’t stop searching for my wife and daughter.
And I want my bike. Not that I know where to find it, but I’m going to look in the last place I left it.
As my bare feet touch the plush carpet I resign myself to having to tell my friends I’m leaving. Of course, I’ll have to borrow money for a bus ticket, but they know I’ll pay them back when I can.
The laughter upstairs is warming. When I reach the top, no one stops talking and they carry on like I’ve been awake with them all morning instead of sitting in bed remembering my wife.
“Breakfast is in the oven. Do you want me to make you a plate?” Ryley asks from the dining room table where everyone is sitting.
“No thanks, I can do it.”
I make my plate and take a seat next to EJ who is patting the chair.
“Wanna play hide-n-seek?”
“Maybe later, buddy.” EJ shrugs as if it’s no big deal that I don’t want to play. I do, though, because I love spending time with him. In my mind, my time with him is preparing me for when I see Claire, although boys and girls are vastly different. Plus, she’s much older.
Once EJ is done with breakfast, Ryley excuses herself to go give him a bath, leaving the rest of us at the table.
Nate and Cara are talking about going to the cemetery to visit his dad’s grave, and Evan is talking about heading to the gun range to shoot some of his guns. He wants to make sure they’re working. Rask says he wants to go with Evan.
“I think I’m going to head back to Coronado,” I blurt out, interrupting their conversations. It grows quiet and eight eyes turn toward me. I feel like I’m on the stand and just confessed to a crime that I didn’t commit.
“Why?” It’s Nate who asks and not Evan like I suspected him to.
“Yeah why? I thought you hired a private investigator here?” Rask inquires.
“I did, but I feel like I should be doing something to find Penny and being here isn’t where I need to start.”