“That’s what I’m afraid of,” she whispers against my neck.
Firing up the bike, I feel her move closer to me. Her grip becomes tighter as soon as I release the kickstand and start toward the street. She may be scared now, but in a few minutes, after the wind blows through her hair, she’ll feel the exhilaration. She’ll welcome the night air against her skin and the view she’s about to see will be some of the most spectacular sights of her visit. I don’t know what her friends have planned for her, but at least tonight I’ll show her a glimpse of my life.
As soon as I hit the highway I fight the urge to show her what my bike can really do. Instead, I do as I promised and keep it slow, allowing her to take in all that she can.
Every few minutes her hands wander. They start around my waist then under my shirt, only to retreat back to the outside of my shirt.
It’s not often I bring anyone out on my bike. It’s mine and for my enjoyment. It’ll go into storage when I deploy, being neglected until I return.
If I return.
Having Penelope on my bike now, with her hands caressing my skin, even if she’s not meaning to, makes me realize that I like her there. I’m enjoying the way her legs are pressed against my hips and the way her fingers graze my skin so innocently.
Pulling off to one of the lookout points, I set both feet down and shut off my bike.
“Watch,” I instruct, pointing to the sky. Without hesitation, she rests her head on my shoulder and I instinctively lean into her. I like it. I like the way I’m feeling with her right now. She’s here because she wants to be, not because of who I am.
“What am I watching for?”
“Birds.”
“It’s dark, I can’t see a bird in the dark. No one can.”
Realizing my mistake, I shake my head. “Fighter jets. They’ll be coming to land in a second.”
“How do you know?”
Because I wanted to be one until I found the SEALs.
“When you live on base, you follow patterns.” Before I can say anything else, two jets appear and align themselves for landing.
“Are you a pilot?”
“No, I’m not cool like that.”
“So what do you do?”
Kill bad people.
“I’m the guy who protects you while you sleep.”
I STARTLE AWAKE, SITTING up abruptly and holding my head from the impending headache that’s about to come from my instant head rush. Beads of sweat pebble on my neck and forehead while my body shakes uncontrollably. My heart races as I struggle to calm my breathing. The last thing I want to do is have a full-blown panic attack, which would require Evan or Ryley to come to my aid. They don’t need to see me like this. This isn’t who I am.
Pushing my hands over my face and through my hair, I work to bring myself back to reality. It was just a dream, of the day that Penny and I met. But I saw through her. I recognized her embarrassment when she spoke words that she didn’t intend and I knew I wouldn’t let her get away.
Except, I didn’t want her to stay. I didn’t want her to fall in love, only to be hurt when I didn’t return. Or returned as a man she didn’t know. I didn’t want those things for her, but she wanted me. Telling me over and over again that loving me whether it was for a day, a week, or a hundred years was worth the potential heartache she may feel down the road. Penny was the optimist in our relationship.
After that first night, we spent the rest of her vacation together. When I’d get off work, I’d go pick her up and bring her back to base. We’d sit on the sand with our toes buried, watching the waves, the ships, and planes land. I didn’t wine and dine her like I should’ve because I needed her to see what my life was like. When I was off work, that’s what I did, besides go to Magoos to hang out with my friends. She needed to see how mundane and laid back things were for me.
I introduced her to my friends and she fit in as if she had been a part of our lives since basic training. I knew I had to do something to let her know I was interested, but didn’t want her to think that she had to give up her life back home to be with me.
So I kissed her, underneath the moonlight and on my motorcycle with birds flying overhead and the crash of waves surrounding us, and I didn’t stop until the sun was peaking over the horizon. I didn’t want to stop, but work called and so did her return flight.
When she left San Diego to return home I didn’t take her to the airport. I left that to her friends. I had already monopolized all of her nights and I didn’t want to take away their good-byes as well.