Geez, I’m jumpy.
“It’s open,” I yell, popping open the bottle of Stranahan’s. Caroline makes her way to the kitchen. When she sees the bottles on the counter, she frowns. She hasn’t even seen the ones in the fridge. Maybe I shouldn’t mention the Prosecco. She doesn’t say a word, just walks to the fridge, opens it, sighs, and closes it. She turns to face me.
“Did you have to buy the whole store?”
Pouring myself a double, I nod. “Yes.”
“Better pour me one, then,” she replies, making her way into the living room and dropping down onto the couch. “So, you going to tell me what happened? You were very vague earlier.”
I had been intentionally vague. How the hell do I tell her Savage and I have never had sex? How do I tell her I confessed my love for him and he just laid there, silent? She’s my best friend, but that doesn’t mean she’ll understand. In fact, her knowing me so well makes me think she won’t understand this, not at all.
I pour her a drink and drop down into the opposite end of the couch, facing her, with my knees pulled up to my chest. Taking a long sip of my whiskey, I savor the burn and sweetness as it slides down my throat.
It’s better to get this done quickly, like ripping off a Band-Aid.
“Savage and I have never had sex.”
She jerks up, her eyes wide, her mouth hanging open. “What? How the hell is that even possible? You have been together for months!”
No shit.
“I know. It’s hard to explain. I wanted to, believe me, but, he always managed to divert me from it. He is so damn good at distracting me, I never actually thought about why he was doing it. It was frustrating, but I never thought anything was seriously wrong.”
She nods and sips her whiskey. “Are you sure he can? I mean, it doesn’t have to do with the accident, does it?”
“No, believe me, he is very capable.”
“So, what happened last night?”
I start with the gallery, describing our run-in with Andrew and Becca.
“Woah! You’re right. She sounds like a total raging cunt. She abandons him when he needs her the most, and then runs off to marry his good friend right away. Talk about heartless.”
“No shit.”
“So, was he a total prick the rest of the night after that?”
I smile, remembering the way his eyes shimmered with joy and laughter as we made our way around what we dubbed “The Hall of Vagina,” not bothering to attempt to hide our giggles until Maggie saw us. Then, we sobered up quickly. “No, actually, he was pretty fucking perfect once we left that bitch behind.”
Caroline leans forward and shakes her head. “So, what went wrong? I don’t get it.”
Images of last night flit around in my head, the feeling of helplessness I had then starting all over again. I take a large gulp of my whiskey, letting the burn of the liquor replace the memory of the burn of my eyes with my own tears. “He freaked out. I mean, full-blown panic attack that lasted something like half an hour.”
“Freaked out how?”
I drop my head and stare into the half-empty whiskey glass. I attempt to describe what went down the best I can, but finding words to accurately portray the turmoil of the night proves impossible. I stumble through my description of Savage’s breakdown, finally sucking up the courage to lift my head and see Caroline’s reaction.
She stares at me, completely dumbfounded. “Woah, so that sounds like it was pretty intense.”
“Intense doesn’t even begin to cover it. I’ve never been so terrified in my entire life. There was nothing I could do, nothing I could say, to pull him from whatever bottomless, black abyss he fell into.”
Setting her glass on the coffee table, Caroline reaches out and yanks my glass from my hand, downing the rest. “Sorry, your story is enough to make me need more of this, and I wasn’t even there! I can’t even imagine what a mind-fuck that must have been for you.”
I run my hands back through my hair, fighting the tears threatening to escape as I mentally relive every fucking second, because every second had felt like an eternity.
“I was helpless, and he refused to talk to me.”
“So, what did you do?”
I bark out a mirthless laugh. “Well, fucking genius that I am, I told him I loved him and then left him when he probably needed me the most.”
She stands, disappearing into the kitchen and returning with the bottle. She pours two generous fingers into each of our glasses and holds one out to me. “You told him you loved him?”
The disbelief and concern in her expression has me practically chugging down the potent whiskey. I hiss against the burn, burying my face against my knees. “Yep.”
“Did you mean it?”
My head snaps up. “Of course I meant it. You think that’s something I throw around? Just toss out there to any guy who makes me come?”
“No, Danika, in fact, I’m shocked as shit you told him. Part of me wondered if you were even capable of the commitment loving someone requires.”