My eyes lock on his. I brush aside what my heart is begging me to do, and decide it’s time to listen to my head for once. “Then, I need to go.”
He flinches, but otherwise doesn’t move, and doesn’t respond. “I don’t know what is going on with you. I can’t believe I’m actually going to say this, but if you told me we couldn’t have sex because of something that happened with the accident, that would be okay. It wouldn’t be a deal breaker…because I love you. I don’t need…that…but this, this isn’t physical Savage, and you won’t fucking talk to me, so how the hell can we ever fix it? You not talking to me…that is a deal breaker.”
His vacant stare never wavers and I turn to the bathroom, confident I’m doing what I need to do, while, at the same time, sure I am making the biggest mistake of my life. I feel his eyes on me, but I don’t look back.
Looking back would break me further, and what is happening isn’t healthy for either of us.
Why the hell did I ever let myself fall in love with him?
I close the door behind me and slide down it until the cold tile of the floor hits my naked skin. I drop my face into my hands and give in to the relentless agony of what I’ve done.
I watch her disappear in the bathroom and hear her fall apart the second the door clicks shut. The sound of the latch falling into place might as well be a gun firing, because I’m pretty confident I just killed the best thing that ever happened to me. Even though my heart is no longer racing like I ran a marathon, my body continues to shake and I scrub my hands over my face to try to clear my head.
Fuck.
I can’t be here when she comes out. I can’t face her after that, after I completely fell apart in front of her, after I literally withered in her hand.
Getting out now is my only concern. I dress quickly in sweatpants and a t-shirt and grab Princess, who is waiting at the closed bedroom door. I cross the hall and pound on Gabe’s door. I know better than to open it without knocking, even though I know it’s unlocked. I have inadvertently walked in and seen his naked ass riding whatever girl came home with him that night. I love the guy, but love only goes so far.
He doesn’t answer so I pound on the door again, anxious to get gone before Danika tries to leave the condo. Finally, the door opens, and a very haggard looking Gabe glares at me.
“What the fuck dude? It’s 3:30 in the morning.”
“I know,” I say, handing Princess to him, “but I need you to come to the gym with me.”
He pets her and lets her lick his face before he gives me an annoyed look. “The gym? Now?”
“Yes, right now. Go get changed and let’s get out of here. Leave Princess at your place. You don’t have someone here with you, do you?”
He rolls his eyes and sets her down. I follow him into his place. “No, she left an hour ago. Want to tell me what’s going on? You look like shit.”
Fuck no, I don’t want to tell you what’s going on. That’s the last thing I need right now, my best friend knowing I’m a fucking failure in bed.
“No, please, just go change.”
He throws up his hands in resignation and disappears down the hall, Princess following closely at his heels. I know she’ll settle in, probably in the middle of his feather bed, and sleep until we get back.
At least that’s one female I know I can please.
Fuck.
I run my hands back through my hair and squeeze my eyes closed, trying to shut out the vivid image of the look on Dani’s face when she told me she loves me…and that it’s over.
It doesn’t help, but maybe banging the weights or hitting the bag will.
Gabe reappears, looking just as annoyed as he did a minute ago, and grabs his gym bag and the keys.
We ride down in the elevator in silence. I know he’s dying to ask me what’s going on, but he keeps his mouth shut, probably sensing he would lose his head if he asks again. I pull myself into the passenger seat and he puts my chair in the trunk before we set out in continued silence.
Halfway through the ride to the gym, I finally can’t take him glancing over at me anymore.
“She told me she loves me.”
He jerks and swings his head to look at me, then quickly returns to looking at the road. “What? Well, that’s great, isn’t it? Why are you so upset?”
I pause before answering, trying to figure out how much to tell him. “Because I blew it.”
“Shit. How? What did you do? What did you say?”
I release a deep sigh and slouch down, resting my temple against the cool glass of the window. “Nothing.”
“Nothing?” The surprise in his voice is more than evident, and I can only imagine what is running through his head right now. “What the fuck, Savage?”
“I know. I fucked up everything.” An unfamiliar tightening in my chest has me reaching up and rubbing it.
What if I can’t fix this? What if it’s too late?
We pull into the parking lot of the gym and Gabe throws the car in park, turning to look at me. “Do you love her?”
My head snaps around to face him. “Of course I do. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me.”