I don’t know why, but I began to walk from room to room looking at all the objects and photographs Adam and I had amassed over the years. There were wonderful things, sentimental things, gifts from and to one of us from the other that reminded me of a special birthday or anniversary or Christmas. Lovely ceramics, engraved picture frames, bookends made of polished brass. There were lamps that looked Asian, embroidered hand towels with our monogram in the powder room in the hall near the front door. A brass umbrella stand that had belonged to Adam’s grandfather. Suddenly it was just a bunch of stuff. If the house didn’t have our love, it didn’t have its soul. It had been snatched away by longing and deceit.
Some time passed with me basically standing in my kitchen looking out into the yard through the window over my sink, wondering if Adam was coming home right away or if he was staying with Eve or just why the hell hadn’t he called me? I checked my phone. No calls. No texts. Shouldn’t Eve have called to say something like “Oh God, I’m so sorry?” Um, I think so. How long had we all been friends? It seemed like forever.
I loved Carl with more affection than I had ever shown my own brother. My brother and I didn’t see each other much because of the distance between us, and we both knew Adam didn’t really care much for him and Tasha. Carl had almost filled his shoes. The more I thought about that I wondered, since my brother practiced family law, if I should run this story by him for a second opinion. JJ could offer a different perspective, because I suspected he had seen it all. And it was a good excuse to connect. I dialed his cell and he answered right away.
“Hey! You okay?” he said.
“I’ve been better,” I said.
There was a pause then, and the fact that I didn’t just spill my guts told him it wasn’t a call about our boys. Intuitively, he knew it was about Adam. My brother had a squirrelly personality, but he wasn’t stupid.
“Adam’s a challenge for me and you know it. Tell me what happened,” he said.
“It’s complicated,” I said.
“It’s always complicated,” he said. “But you’ve never come to me for advice before, so I’m all ears.”
So I told him the story and he listened. When it seemed that I had recounted enough of the worst episode that ever occurred between Adam and me and I thought he could see everything from my perspective, I got quiet and he cleared his throat.
“People are so fucking stupid, men in particular,” he said. “But I gotta say, Eve sounds like a real piece of work.”
“She is. This whole thing is a little bit pathetic,” I said. “How could I not have known how deeply he felt about her?”
“The wife is always the last to know,” he said. “But before you tear up your whole life over this, let’s think it through.”
“That’s why I called. I mean, in your experience, once something like this happens, how impossible is it to restore the marriage?”
“Well, I’ve seen couples patch things up and go on with their lives. But Eliza? You’re not going to like this, but it all depends on your ability to forgive.”
“Wait a minute. He commits the sin but I have to forgive?”
“Yes. That’s how it works. Do you think they actually had sex, or maybe they were having an affair the whole time behind your back?”
“To be honest? I don’t know. I still can’t believe what my eyes saw. And I just don’t think of Adam as that calculating and dishonest. Sneaking around has never been his style. I mean, he can’t keep a secret for ten minutes.”
“Well, it sounds like he did this because he thought he wouldn’t get caught. And if he swears they didn’t have sex, it leaves him a tiny little bit of moral ground.”
“Like the smallest ant hill on this earth.”
“I’ll tell you what I don’t like, besides the obvious.”
“Tell me, JJ.”
“I don’t like that you’re not getting all the things you want out of life. None of us are getting any younger. You and Adam have plenty of money and your kids are in college. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t go to Greece if that’s what you want to do.”
“Well, Adam says it would be super expensive and that he’s too busy. He is awfully busy these days.”
“Hold on, sister. What if it’s not expensive, and since when do you need him to go with you? Seems to me that right now might be an opportune time. You know? Let him worry a little bit? It won’t kill him.”
“Didn’t you tell me we had a cousin with a B and B on Corfu?”
“Yeah, Kiki, Aunt Anna’s daughter. Kiki’s been sending Dad a Christmas card for years and I wrote her back telling her that Dad had passed. In fact, I think she owns one and manages four or five others. You want her contact information?”
“Yes, please. Does she speak English?”
“Jesus, Eliza. Practically the entire continent of Europe speaks English. She went to UCLA, don’t you remember? She’s as fluent as you and I are.”
Adam had assured me for years that no one in Greece spoke English except for a few wealthy people and that from the way I described my mother’s family, it didn’t sound to him like they were particularly educated or rich people. Therefore, they couldn’t possibly speak English. Suddenly I realized that there was a control problem here. Adam calling the shots was more important to him than me fulfilling a dream, and right then and there I knew that if Adam and I ever got over this, things would be very different between us.
“I am so happy to hear that, you couldn’t possibly know.”
“You have a pencil?”
“I’m ready,” I said and took all the contact information for my cousin Kiki. “Thanks, JJ.”
“Happy to help. I think you and Adam can work past this if you want to. Like I said, it’s all up to you.”
“Right. Thanks. I mean it.”
“Let me know how things pan out.”
I promised him that I would, and we hung up. The first thing I did was check my passport to be sure it wasn’t expired. It was not. The only time I’d used it was for a short trip to Jamaica. I sat down on the edge of my desk chair and looked around the kitchen again. I still felt nauseated and light-headed. I ignored that and decided to go online and look for a cheap ticket. But first I sent Kiki an e-mail. What was the time difference? I thought it might be seven or eight hours. It was two in the afternoon and probably nine there. She might be having her evening meal.
Kiki, I know you won’t remember me but I’m your cousin . . .
To my surprise, she responded in minutes.
Come, come! Come for a visit and stay as long as you like! I can give you your own house! Please . . .
Wow, I thought. Just wow.
I wrote back,
I’m on my way!
An hour and a half later I had booked a flight, I had packed a bag, and I was in my car on the way to the airport. I called both boys. I said it was an impromptu decision. I told them about Kiki and that I’d be staying with family. They both knew this was something I had wanted to do for a long time, and they sounded genuinely happy that I was going. I wasn’t sure which day I’d be back, but we’d be in touch through e-mail.
I’d left Adam a note on the kitchen table.
I’m going to visit my family in Corfu. For once, I’m putting myself first.
I’ll let you know when I’m coming back.