“Bye,” you say to them.
Alana and Olivia tumble down the stairs in fits of giggles. “Did somebody say ice cream?” You know for sure it was Alana, because she’s got the shorter hair. The twins climb on Ben and tackle him to the ground. “Ice cream! Ice cream! We want ice cream now!”
Ben lets them attack him and you wonder what it would be like to have a good relationship with Todd, to have ever been playful with him. It makes you sad and wistful to see Ben and his sisters like this.
Ben looks up from where he’s being attacked on the floor. “You going to just stand there or you going to help your boyfriend?”
So you jump onto the pile and start tickling.
After frozen pizza (where you try your best but end up scraping the cheese off) and a trip to Dairy Bliss, you get back to Ben’s house and the girls ask what you can do next. Ben looks to you for a suggestion.
“You girls want to draw?” you ask.
“Yeah! Let’s draw something!” Olivia shouts.
The girls run to get art supplies and Ben asks if you’re really up for that because it’s getting late.
“Sure, it’ll be fun. Plus, I told you I would sketch you sometime, so why not now?”
“Oh great,” Ben says. “I can only imagine what you can create with a bunch of crayons and Sharpies.”
The girls toss a packet of plain paper and a shoebox filled with markers, pens, pencils, and crayons onto the kitchen table. You rummage through the box, searching for the pens and markers you want to work with.
“Okay,” you say to Alana and Olivia. “We’re all going to draw what we think Ben looks like to us!”
Alana and Olivia immediately crack up. “This is going to be so much fun!” Alana says.
“I have a great idea!” says Olivia, and they both grab their paper and begin to work.
Ben heads to the refrigerator but you stop him. “Get back here. I need to look at you.”
“I’m just getting something to drink. I have a feeling this is going to take a while.”
Ben comes back to the table with two bottled waters and sits in the chair next to you. You grab his chin and hold it still for a moment. And then you move closer to him and stare.
You rub your thumb along his jawline, feel the stubble on his face, and smooth your fingers along the edge of his cheekbones.
The girls are scritch-scratching away on their paper, mumbling things about Ben looking like a “big ole monkey,” but you are mesmerized by his eyes, his nose, his strong jaw, the curve of his ears. It’s like it’s just the two of you in the room, and you’re holding his face in place, studying him, and he reaches his hand up to circle your wrist and he whispers your name in an achy, painful way.
“Eww! They’re gonna kiss!”
You’re not sure which twin said it but the spell is broken.
“Okay, bedtime!” Ben says.
“But we’re not done!” Alana says.
“Ten more minutes, then upstairs to wash up and brush your teeth and get into your pajamas.”
He smiles at you, and you want to melt. He reaches for your thigh under the table and gives it a squeeze. Your desire for this boy grows.
The girls ask your advice on their pictures—“Should Ben’s monkey nose be bigger?” and “How about these hairy feet?”—and then they are done with their pictures and hang their masterpieces on the fridge.
“When are you going to start yours?” Olivia asks you.
“I’ll start while you girls are getting ready for bed. I had to think about it first, but it’ll be here in the morning, so you can see it then.”
Ben takes the girls upstairs and you grab a pencil and a thin black Sharpie and get to work.
Twenty minutes later, as you’re putting the finishing touches on your sketch, Ben calls for you to come upstairs to help tuck the girls into their beds.
“Ooh, I like your jammies!” you tell them when you get to their room.
“Thanks, they’re paisley print!” Olivia says.
“I know.” You laugh.
“That means intricate,” Alana says.
“And beautiful!” Olivia adds.
“I’d agree,” Ben says. He hugs you close to him.
“You two should totally get married,” Olivia exclaims.
“Yes!” Alana shouts from her bed.
“And why is that?” Ben asks, smirking at you.
“Because … just … it would be fun!” Alana giggles.
“Yes, and then we’d have a big sister!” Olivia adds.
“You two are goofballs,” you tell them, pulling blankets up to their necks.
“Is that good or bad?” Alana asks.
“That’s wonderful!” you say. “You guys are my most favorite goofballs I’ve ever known!”
“Well, then, you’re my favoritest goofball too!” Alana says.
“Mine too! I want you to be my favoritest goofball too!” Olivia adds.
“Okay, all three of you are goofballs, and I’m taking this goofball out of here now, so you two goofballs can get some sleep, all right?” Ben says.
“Ben can’t be a goofball because he’s a doofus!” Alana says.
“Good night,” Ben says.
“Night, girls,” you say.
“Wait! Did you finish your picture of Ben?” Olivia asks.
“Yes. You can see it in the morning. Good night.”
“Keep the hall light on!” one of the twins says as you head into the hallway.
Ben says, “I will, but only if you keep quiet and go to sleep. Promise.”
“Promise!” they both chime.
“God,” Ben whispers to you as you both head down the stairs. “That was rough.”
“It was fun,” you say.
“You are a goofball,” he says.
In the kitchen you give him your drawing. You drew it fast, but you can tell Ben’s impressed.
“Wow. It looks just like me. That’s amazing.”
“Thanks.” You feel a little shy from his compliment.
“It’s beautiful. I love it.” Ben takes your hand, tilts his head, and says, “Come on.”
It’s dark in the family room except for the soft glow from the upstairs hall light Ben left on. He leads you to the couch and lays you down and then lies next to you. Neither of you says anything for a long while. He just plays with your hair, touches your face, and looks into your eyes. The house is quiet except for the ticking of the kitchen clock, the hum of the air conditioner, and the sound of your heart beating from within. You can hear that. That’s loud and clear.
You lie like that for a very long time, and then he nuzzles his head into your neck and inhales. He says your name.
“I love spending time with you,” he says. “I love being with you. I love everything about you.”
“Why?”
You’re not fishing for compliments, but you really want to know. Because so often you don’t feel like you’re anything that special or important.
Ben’s quiet for a moment and you’re glad the room is dark, then he speaks.