“Duh,” you say. “I’m with you, of course I’m smiling.”
“Right answer.”
Ben clicks the camera at your faces. He moves it in a bunch of different directions as he tells you what to do: “Silly face. Dramatic. Sad. Now kiss me! Kiss me again! Pouty! Angry. Kiss me again!” He sets the phone down and puts both arms around you.
“Kiss me again! It’s my birthday.”
You push him away. “You’re nuts!”
“Nuts about you,” he says.
You scroll through the pictures together, choosing the best one to put on Instagram. “Hashtag it ‘AwesomestCoupleEver,’” Ben says.
The drinks and the pizza come and the waitress sets everything down. Ben plants one more kiss on your lips before moving back to the other side of the booth. You’re not sure how you’re going to manage to eat a piece of cheese pizza without the cheese on it. But it turns out to be okay, because Ben talks about how sweet the gifts are and how much he appreciates you, and he says that you didn’t have to get him anything, he’s just happy that you’re here. He eats three pieces of sausage pizza and you eat one piece of plain pizza but you scrape off the cheese and he either doesn’t notice or is so kind he doesn’t ask why you did that.
There’s one more thing you have for him, and while it’s not really a gift, this is the thing that, when you give it to him, you’re baring your soul. You pull out an orange soda from your purse.
“For you,” you say.
“You got me a Crush soda?” he asks.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
He furrows his brow like he doesn’t quite understand. Suddenly you’re embarrassed: you thought this would be cute and funny, but now you actually have to spell it out for him when the writing is literally right on the can.
“Because, duh,” you say, “I have a crush … on you.”
“Ohhhh. I get it now.”
“You do?”
“Yeah.”
He smiles big at you and you grin back, feeling stupid and goofy and so very happy. Like you always feel when you’re with Ben.
22
Ben picks you up on Sunday afternoon, the last Sunday of summer break. You’re nervous about meeting his family, but also excited—he’s mentioned his little sisters, nine-year-old twins—and he keeps saying how much they’ll like you. You’re also scared about the food part of the evening, and when you asked him about dinner, Ben said it would be casual, so you didn’t say anything else. You can’t believe you haven’t told him yet. Jae was right. You should have talked to him about your problem by now. The monster chuckles quietly, deep within.
The first thing you notice is Ben’s house is loud and full of activity. Music is blaring through speakers, and their puppy barks at you and nips at your ankles. You lean down and scratch the puppy’s ears. Ben pushes the pup away from you, saying, “No, Earl,” and you laugh. Because the puppy’s cute and because Earl is a crazy name for a dog.
The atmosphere is different than at your house, than with your family. Your house is always full of quiet anticipation and stress. Just you, your mom (who’s always filling up her wineglass), your dad watching ESPN, Todd with his earbuds shoved into his ears, and then the monster. There’s always the monster—whether he’s quiet or not, you know he’s still around.
Ben’s mom greets you at the front door with a huge smile and gives you a hug, which surprises you. Your family doesn’t hug. You stand with your arms at your sides as she pulls you close.
“Hello! Welcome!”
“Hi,” you say shyly.
“We’re so glad you could come over. Ben has been talking nonstop about you since you guys met.”
“God, Mom. Embarrass me much,” he says. Then he reaches for your wrist, lightly pulling you away from his mom and says, “Let’s go meet my sisters.”
His sisters and his dad are outside. The girls are in the pool, but when they see you and Ben, they scurry out and come over to you, each vying for your attention, and they get you a little wet.
“Hi!” one says.
“Hi!” says the other.
They are identical except they have different swimsuits on and while they both have long, sopping wet hair, one twin’s hair is a little shorter.
“I’m Olivia!” says the one with longer hair.
“I’m Alana!” says the one with shorter hair.
“Tweedledee and Tweedledum,” Ben says.
Alana sticks her tongue out at Ben.
“Are you Ben’s girlfriend?” Olivia asks.
“Yeah, are you two boyfriend and girlfriend?” Alana asks.
You laugh it off and change the subject. “What grade are you guys in?”
“We’re going into fourth grade!”
“That’s awesome,” you say.
“Are you eating dinner here?” Olivia asks.
“Yep, I am,” you say.
“Will you sit by me?” Alana asks.
“No! I want her to sit by me!” Olivia shouts.
“Hey, she can sit by everyone,” Ben says.
They both pull at your hands and look at your bracelets. “Can I try this on?” Olivia asks about the gold braided bracelet on your left wrist.
“Sure.” You take it off but Ben grabs it before you can give it to his sister.
“Not now, you’re soaking wet.” He hands the bracelet back to you.
“You’re mean!” Olivia shouts.
“Yeah, Ben,” you say. “You’re mean.” And you laugh.
“Hey, can I braid your hair later when it dries?” you ask the girls.
“Yes!” they yell in unison.
“I can do awesome French braids, if you like.”
“Yay!” they scream together, and jump up and down.
Ben rolls his eyes. “Come on, I know my dad wants to meet you.”
The girls cannonball back into the deep end of the pool, screeching in delight.
“Okay, you totally won them over,” Ben says.
“I think they’re adorable,” you say.
“I think you’re adorable,” Ben says, and he kisses you on the forehead.
One of the twins yells from the pool, “Ewww, Ben just kissed her!”
“K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” the other twin shouts.
Ben’s dad turns his head from the grill as you both approach him.
“Welcome to the humble abode!” he says, smoke clouding his face. He waves it away with a hand towel.
“This is Dad,” Ben says.
“Call me Dan. How do you like your burgers?” he asks you.
The monster growls inside and your body feels as if it might go numb right there on the pool deck.
But you’ve been feeling so good lately, you push him back down and try to remember some of the skills you’ve learned at therapy. You smile at Mr. Hansworth.
“I’m trying out a vegetarian diet these days,” you say.
“Hey, no problem! I’m sure Kathy’s got some veggies in there we can round up for you! Nothing to worry about. We’re just happy you’re here and you’re keeping Ben out of trouble.” He smiles kindly at you. “You kids run along and go do whatever it is teens do these days.”
“Thanks Dad,” Ben says.
“Nice to meet you, Mr. Hansworth.”
“Dan,” he says. “Please, call me Dan!”
Ben turns you toward the house and you start walking to the sliding glass door. “You didn’t tell me you were a vegetarian,” he says.
“Is that a deal breaker?” you joke.