“You’re not going to her house, I hope?”
“No,” I lied, “we’re going out for a coffee.”
Duck surfaced from his room a few moments later.
“Hi,” he said to me and turned to Zoe. “What’s for dinner?”
“Your dad is picking up some pizza on his way home. Should be here any minute.”
My mother glanced at her watch. “I didn’t realize how late it is. I’d best get home. Audrey, are you going to stay here for dinner?”
“Yeah, Duck is going to talk me through calculus later on.”
“Okay then. I’ll see you tonight.”
“I bumped into Lucy and Freddy today while I was in town,” said Duck. “They said Rad got you a birthday gift. How come you never mentioned it to me?”
It was shortly after dinner, and we were sitting in his dad’s study, our textbooks sprawled between us across the large desk. Duck’s dad ran a law firm in the city. His study at home was like an extension of his office, all mahogany and leather with rows and rows of intimidating legal books.
I put my pen down and looked up. “I don’t have to tell you every single detail of my life. Anyway, why would they mention that? Were you interrogating them?”
“No, we were just chatting about your birthday night, and Lucy asked if I saw the gift Rad got you because, in her words, it was so sweet.”
I cringed inwardly. I didn’t want Duck to get the wrong idea. I hadn’t even spoken to Rad since that night. Though there were times when I wished I could call him—and I would have too, if I hadn’t deleted his number from my phone.
“So, he got you a snow globe.”
“Yeah.”
“Why is that sweet? What’s so damn special about a snow globe?”
“Because I mentioned something about liking snowcapped mountains . . .”
“Oh, great, so now he knows more about you than I do.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I thought you said you didn’t invite him.”
“I didn’t! I didn’t invite anyone—it was a spur-of-the-moment thing.”
“Then how did he know to get you a gift?”
“How am I supposed to know?”
“Well, he’s your friend. Apparently you seem to know a lot about each other.”
“You’re acting crazy again, Duck! It’s been weeks since I last spoke to him.”
“Why did you stop speaking to him? Did something happen between you?”
“No, of course not. The truth is we didn’t know each other that well, anyway, so it’s not a big deal.”
“If it’s not a big deal, then why don’t you keep hanging out with him?”
I didn’t have an answer.
“Everyone is talking about how the two of you have something going on. And you seemed pretty friendly with him at your birthday party.”
“I was friendly with everyone at my party. That’s how you behave toward your friends.”
“I saw the way you were looking at each other. I’m not a fucking idiot.”
“Stop it, Duck. Seriously. I’m your girlfriend, okay? Everyone knows that. I’m not going to talk to Rad anymore, especially if it upsets you this much. It’s not worth us fighting over.”
“Don’t talk as if you’re doing me a huge favor, Audrey.”
I felt tired all of a sudden. I couldn’t seem to do anything right. I stopped seeing Rad, and a large part of that was because of Duck, but it still wasn’t enough for him. What did he want from me? Not to talk to another boy for as long as I lived?
“Look, I think I should just go.” I grabbed my books and shoved them roughly into my bag. “I get enough shit from my mother.” My voice quivered and tears sprung to my eyes. “I don’t need it from you too.”
“Audrey, come on, don’t cry,” he said, his tone softening.
“What do you want, Duck? Tell me! Rad and I were just friends, and now we’re not even that. What do you want me to say?”
He stood up and came around my side of the table.
“I’m sick of fighting about this,” I continued. “I didn’t do anything wrong, so stop crucifying me.”
He sighed. “You can’t blame me for being worried, not when my girlfriend starts hanging around some guy. But I’m sick of fighting too. Let’s just drop it.”
He took my bag gently from my hands and pulled my books out again, spreading them across the table. I felt a wave of tenderness as I watched him. I knew how much he cared about me, and I was grateful to have him in my life. I just wished I could return his feelings in equal measure. Everything would be a lot simpler that way.
“Besides,” he said with a grin, “our exams are next week, and given how terrible your math is, I’m your only hope.”
The next day Lucy and I caught a bus out to Alexandria to visit Candela. It was hard to believe I hadn’t seen her since the housewarming party—the last month had gone by in a flash.
The first thing I noticed when Candela opened the door was her disheveled appearance. Her hair was matted, and her skin looked like it was covered in a slick, oily film. The circles under her eyes were so dark they looked almost like bruises. She was dressed in an old tie-dyed T-shirt with a large red wine stain and ripped denim shorts. Candela had always been slim, but now she looked emaciated, like she hadn’t eaten in days. “It’s past four already?” she said peering out at us, as though the sunlight was hurting her eyes. Then she grinned widely. “So good to see you both.” She drew me into a weak embrace. “It’s been way too long.”
“What’s with all the trash?” I asked. The porch, which had been spotless on our last visit, was now in complete disarray. Bags of rubbish, pizza boxes piled up by the door. Flies buzzed around the debris, and a sour, rancid smell hung in the warm, still air.
“Oh yeah,” said Candela, looking around the porch. “Ally had some kind of mental breakdown, so she’s moved back in with her parents, and Ramona and I—well,” she gave us a hopeless smile, “we’ve been pretty shitty at keeping the place in order.” She opened the door to let us through, and we followed her into the hallway. When we got to the lounge room, Lucy and I exchanged a look. It was a complete mess. Dirty plates, cigarette butts, and empty beer bottles were strewn all across the coffee table. Used tissues, food wrappers, and half-eaten bits of fruit littered the three-seater sofa. Even the bright blue beanbag next to it was covered with crumbs and a sad-looking Rubik’s Cube with half its colored stickers peeled off.
“Sorry about the mess,” she said nonchalantly. “I’ve been too busy to tidy up.” She made a half-hearted attempt to clear the table but gave up midway. Instead, she pushed the rubbish from the sofa onto the floor and plonked herself down, inviting us to do the same. “So how are you both?” she asked, as we sat on either side of her. “How’s school?”
“It’s okay,” said Lucy. “A bit of a drag—you know.”
“Not the same without you,” I told her honestly.