Noelle was the opposite of everything I should have ever wanted, but I couldn’t shake her. She was in my head, under my skin, and now a part of me.
“The first time I met you, I thought you were a bitch. A stuck up chick who lived off my daddy's money.” My breaths were shallow as I hovered above her, my eyes never leaving hers as I spoke.
“I thought you were a prick,” she announced shyly. I smiled because her assumption of me was actually quite true. I was a prick, an asshole, you name it. I probably acted like it at one point and time.
“I never imagined that I would be feeling what I feel for you.” My eyes and words softened as I sunk further onto the bed, pushing her back against my pillows. She belonged here: in my bed, underneath me, panting and moaning my name. Everything about her made me whole. I was no longer searching for myself, because the parts of me that had always been missing could be found in Noelle.
“What do you feel for me, Royal?” she whispered in a sweet, hesitant voice causing my heart to soar through the roof. I nuzzled into her throat, breathing in our two scents that mingled together. I was owned by her in every single way possible; was there even words to use to describe that?
"I'm falling incredibly fucking hard for you." My lips were right against her ear and I desperately wanted to turn her face into mine forcing our lips together but I didn’t. I needed this moment with her more than anything else. I needed to lay it all on the line and tell her how I felt about her, to make certain she knew it.
“I'm in love with you, Noelle, and the scariest part of that is not even you can save me from loving you. I’m scared of the feelings I have for you because they’re the realest feelings I have ever had. Love is nothing without you.”
Noelle’s eyes caressed my skin. She was staring at me with so much adoration in those soft hazel eyes of hers that I felt as if I was being brought to my knees.
“I...” I could see the words she wanted to say but didn’t know if she would say them yet.
“I… I never thought I would be the kind of girl to fall for you. We’re complete opposites, you’re so cocky, arrogant, and just…” I didn’t let her finish that thought. I had something else I wanted to say.
“Don’t quote me because I’ve never felt this way before, but I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love with you. Falling head over feet, deep into the abyss love with you, and not one person can steer me from that emotion. Not even you.” The look of fear in her eyes as she realized what I actually said reflected back on me, to my own reaction to the emotions I was feeling.
“L… Love?” The questioning look she gave me told me she didn’t know if she heard me correctly.
“Yes. Love. L.O.V.E.” I spelt it out for her in case she was still suffering from my pleasure-inducing coma.
“I…” She started to speak but I placed my lips against hers eating up whatever words it was that she wanted to say. I didn’t want this moment with her to end.
I wanted it to go on forever.
“Remember how I told you that being afraid is okay when you’re walking blindly in the dark?” I questioned pulling away just enough so I could see her eyes.
She gulped, and then nodded her head at me.
“You’re no longer walking blindly in the dark. You’ll always have my hand to hold, to grasp and squeeze when the times get hard. We can guide each other through this dark life.”
Tears pricked at her eyes, but nothing fell. Instead, she grabbed me by the back of the head forcing our lips together once again, putting every piece of strength she had left into that one single clash of our lips. It said everything that she was far too afraid to say yet. That she too loved me but didn’t know how to put it into words.
Saying I love you was easy, it was the emotions that came with it, the feelings and desires that changed you. If you were really in love, you always felt those things before you said those three little words. Love was something to be feared, because it had the power to break you.
Telling Noelle that I loved her was like giving her a loaded gun and praying that she didn’t shoot me directly in the heart. It was hoping that she felt the same way, because if she didn’t it would kill me.
There was just no way I could ever let her go, and I knew that as I tucked her into my body, cradling her against my chest.
I needed this silence with her, to hear nothing but the pounding beats of our hearts, and the passing of air into our lungs. I tried to convince myself that it was anything but me that needed to change. I saw the crash course I was on with life in the mirror every day, and I was afraid that I would hurt Noelle.
Things changed when you scared yourself. I was terrified of the person I was becoming and it was only because Noelle helped me see it.
“You saved me from myself,” I whispered into her hair, breathing in her scent and holding her closely against my chest, my chin resting on top of her head.