“I hope you’re hungry.” She gestured toward the dishes she had set out. I took one of the bowls filling it with a two heaping spoonfuls of the spicy goodness. Walking over to the table and setting my bowl down, I took a quick bite before going to grab a drink. The spices from the chili hit the back of my throat causing a cough to escape me.
“It’s… spicy,” I commented. My mother’s face lit up with laughter as I took my glass of milk and sat down at our old kitchen table. I hadn’t told her about the money I had gotten from Dad yet, but I would soon. There was so much I planned on doing with this money— all of it for her— after all, she sacrificed so much for me. First on my list was getting her out of this shit hole house we lived in and buying her a good reliable car.
“Yeah, it’s got a little bit of heat to it,” she responded as I slurped some more of the chili into my mouth.
“Are you trying to kill me, Mom?” I groaned, swallowing past the heat. Again, another bubble of laughter left her throat.
“You go to the East coast for six months and turn into the biggest baby ever. Don’t tell me Viviana didn’t know how to cook.” The mention of that bitch’s name completely ruined my mood and my mom could instantly tell. My spoon fell into my bowl, and I pushed it away from me. My appetite was gone.
Why the hell did I have to let her get under my skin? Why couldn’t I just let it go and enjoy a night with my mom?
I hated myself for letting so many people down: my mom, Noelle, my father. I couldn’t handle the pain that came with loving people. It hurt way too fucking much.
“I’m sorry, Royal. I didn’t mean to bring it up. I know you’re working through your emotions on the matter, but talking about it might help.” My mother’s voice was soothing and understanding, and I loved her for it. I loved her for caring enough to let things be as they were, allowing me to come to her when the time was right.
“It’s okay…” I assured her with a smile.
“I just feel like I’m at fault for a lot of shit that’s going on right now. I want to make things better for everyone involved, but I don’t know how. All I know how to do is protect myself from the pain and in doing so I hurt everyone I care about.” I was thinking out loud, still my mom just sat there listening, not judging me or lying to me by telling me I was wrong.
“Time heals all wounds, honey. I learned that back when your father and I ended things. I still loved him, but I had to learn to let go of what happened otherwise the pain would have never eased. It would’ve eaten me up.” There was so much truth and honesty that could be heard in her voice. I wished I was half as strong as my mother. I wished I had even an ounce of the courage she had.
“Do you ever miss Dad?” I asked without thinking saying the first thought that popped into my head.
“Every single day. Eventually you learn to deal with change when it’s the only true thing in life. Change occurs no matter what you do. It sucks that your father and I couldn’t have our happily ever after, but that’s just the way the cookie crumbles.” I respected her more now that she was more open about discussing the past and the things that happened with Dad. Maybe it would help get things off my chest if I opened up to someone, then I could move on.
“I think I’m in love,” I blurted out, knowing that I could tell my mom anything and she would understand. I wasn’t typically one to explain my emotions, but right now I knew I had to. I didn’t know what I was feeling, and I needed help understanding what I was going through. If anyone would get that it would be my mother.
“With who? A girl back at your father’s?” My mother questioned with excitement. I had never brought home girls, nor did I ever gone on dates. It wasn’t my thing. I fucked them once and moved on. It was the easiest type of relationship. The no strings, no feelings, no complications. I was the I won’t call you later kind of guy. If a girl wasn’t into that then I wasn’t the right guy for her. That was until Noelle came along.
“Her name’s…” Before I could even finish my sentence a loud pounding sounded on the front door. My mother and I both shoved from the dining room table at the same time, both of us scurrying toward the front door to see who it was. It wasn’t typical for us to have company, especially this late at night. Unless of course my mom made a new friend I didn’t know about yet.
“Noelle?” Her name slipped from my tongue as I stared at her through the glass window of the front of the door. My heart sank into my stomach. If she was here it could only mean one thing. Something happened at home; something with her mother or maybe even Mark. There was no other reason that she would come all the way here. Was there?