Rocked Up

“Oh, bullshit.”

“It’s over. Either you leave this band and make tonight your last show or Brad does. There’s no way both of you will be part of this band ever again. So make your choice.”

“You can’t do that.”

“I can. I own Brad. You know this. And he owes me. I’ll pull him from the band.”

“He is the band!”

He shrugs. “Then there are no more shows. I’ve made enough money from this tour, it doesn’t really matter if you do the last shows or not. Who cares? If it all ends, who cares? I’ll build up another band with someone who respects me.”

“You’re a monster,” I seethe. “You’re not a father at all.”

It has no effect on him. “You’re not a parent, you’ll never understand the sacrifices.”

I can’t control what I say next. It just roars out of me, like a volcano. “I will be a parent!”

“Yeah, one day.”

“No,” I tell him, gathering my courage. “Now. In nine months. Dad. I’m pregnant.”

He stares at me completely calm and cool. He doesn’t even blink.

“You’re what?”

“I’m pregnant,” I tell him. “I’m going to have the baby. And Brad is the father.”

Everything happens in slow motion. My father goes pale, his skin almost matching his blonde hair, and he starts to sway a bit like he’s going to faint. His mouth drops open. He’s in shock.

“I’m sorry,” I blurt out. “I didn’t want you to find out this way but it’s true. I’m going to have Brad’s baby, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

I have to admit, I’m totally expecting my father to blow up right there and then but he manages to hold it together. I’m pretty sure he’s having a stroke on the inside but on the outside he looks as blank-faced and impassive as ever.

“You really know how to hurt me, don’t you Lael.”

“Don’t be like that.”

“I’ll be like whatever I want. Obviously I can’t stop you. But I can stop this band from going forward. What I said earlier sticks. Either Brad leaves the band or you do. Make tonight your last show, you hear me? You or him, make up your mind.”

“Who the hell is going to play bass?”

“I have Bruce Ross on call,” he says, giving me a satisfied smirk. “I had a feeling something like this would happen. He auditioned for them and will make a great fit. Better than you did.”

“No one will do a better job than me,” I say, shoving my finger in his face.

He just stares down at me with cold eyes. “Don’t kid yourself, Lael. I let you do this as a favor. The fantasy is over. Back to reality with you. You and your baby. Good luck trying to get Brad to be a part of it.”

Then he turns, grabs a glass of wine off the table and strolls out of the hotel with it in hand, as if he owns the place.

I’m left simmering in the lobby, my heart thumping, my limbs feeling numb.

How dare he?

I mean, I wasn’t expecting hugs and kisses when I told him I was pregnant, but I also wasn’t expecting him to just walk away like that, like he didn’t care at all.

And I certainly didn’t think tonight would be my last show.

Shit.

I mean, it’s the right thing to do. I can walk, it’s harder for Brad. I am just a replacement in the end, Brad is everything to do with the band. And I know that if I tell Brad what just happened, everything that just went down, that he’ll be the one to quit.

This is his life. I can’t let him do that.

I’ll just have to lie to him.

It won’t be easy though.

I’ll have to make something up. Tell him that I’m just not feeling it anymore, that I want to go home and start being a mom. I’ve been feeling great, maybe a bit tired lately, but I can always use the pregnancy as an excuse. He can’t question that.

But of course, no matter how I swing it, this is going to be my last show.

The end.

How on earth am I going to come to terms with that? How am I going to say goodbye to the band? How am I going to say goodbye to the beauty and joy it brings me? The sense of purpose?

I guess in some ways I would have to anyway. After tonight, there’s only three more shows. My father was right, the fantasy would be over and soon. But even so, I needed time to prepare, time to grieve. I didn’t want it to be like this, being given the boot because everything good that happens to me comes with a mountain of complications.

I feel bereft. I want to go into my room, crawl into bed, and cry. Maybe it’s the altitude here, but I feel like I could sleep forever and then maybe wake up and have it be a bad dream.

But I won’t do that.

I can’t.

If this is my last show, then it’s my last show.

I’m going to pull up my big girl panties and give it everything I have.

Every last inch of my heart and soul.

I’m going to rock, pregnant and all, like I’ve never rocked before.

But first…

I’m going to find Calvi and punch him right in his god damn face.





Chapter Nineteen





Brad




I never watch the opening band. I know I should, out of respect, but I can’t. The moments before the show are mine, I go to that other place I need to be to be able to perform in front of a sold-out arena of screaming fans.

I hate the trend of music these days, it’s too casual. It’s fashionable to walk on stage eating an apple, dressed like it’s laundry day. I’m not like them. I take it very seriously. When I told Lael to show the crowd no respect, I hope she knew what I meant. I have immense respect for the audience, but I do not fear them. What I was talking about is that bad energy in the room that can happen sometimes. You shouldn’t respect that.

I never concern myself whether I look humble and modest, I don’t overthink. When I step on to the stage I demand respect. People want to be led, when the energy in the room turns into a confused sea, don’t jump into the water. Show up with a pirate ship and make them beg to come aboard.

There’s still plenty of time before the show, but I feel it’s one of those damn nights. I can feel it from my dressing room, the rumbles from the opening band, and the reaction of the crowd rumbles through the walls and into the room where I sit, alone. I need to be alone today, busy building a pirate ship in my mind.

Calvi and Switch always watch the opening bands. I think they do it not because they are down to earth good guys, but more because they want to be seen that way. I’m happy they take that role, it takes the pressure off me. Lael usually finds a quiet place to play her bass, and dolls herself up. She has been scarce today. I know Ronald showed up unexpectedly and I haven’t seen her since. I wouldn’t usually think anything of it but emotions are running high for various reasons.