Rocked Up

We can see several people through the window making their way to the lobby. Arnie quickly turns his attention to the lady behind the desk.

“Very well, we’ll take your last two rooms,” Arnie says as he pulls out his wallet.

“Five hundred,” she replies, then takes a long, slow pull from her half-burned cigarette.

“Five hundred, are you serious?” Arnie asks.

“Yeppers,” the lady says and again lets the smoke fall from her mouth.

The lobby begins to fill so Arnie gives her the cash and takes the keys. Switch grabs one and leaves without a word.

“Shall we then?” Arnie motions to the door and the two of us make our way back to the bus. Neither of us were concerned about spending the night on the bus—we have many times, it’s actually quite comfortable. After a long eight-hour drive with the same people it does get small fast, but there’s plenty of room for Calvi, Arnie and myself to be comfortable.

“No, I think you should take it, Arnie,” Lael says politely.

“What am I, chopped liver?” Calvi pipes up with a little laugh.

“Enough of that my dear, here’s the key. It’s surely not a fancy hotel, but it has a hot shower, privacy, and a bed.” Arnie insists and hands her the key.

Lael gets a few things together, gives me a look that I well understand and leaves the bus.

“Alright lads, how about some scotch?” Arnie suggests.

“No thanks, I’m exhausted. I think I’m going to lie down,” I answer.

“Can I take my portion to bed with me?” Calvi asks Arnie, who is already pouring a glass.

Arnie hands him a glass and gives him a disappointed look. After playing with some electric breakers, he disappears to the back of the bus. I am left as alone as I can be and lie down on the couch with a heavy blanket.

Sometimes, when I am lying here, getting ready to sleep the night away, I’m hit with a wave of loneliness. I think about how I’m without family, that all of my relationships are really business associates.

I’m alone.

Then I ask myself, why? It’s obvious it’s my fault. But why have I never allowed someone to be close to me? I’ve never let my guard down and let love in, without a care of what might happen.

Love—it’s a drug I’ve never tried because I’ve seen it kill so many others. Maybe I am the drug and deep down I know I’m no good. What kind of man needs this life I’m living? What kind of man wants to stand on stage and have tens of thousands people scream for him? There is so much fakeness I have lost myself in and I’m so completely selfish.

No, I’m not protecting myself, I’m protecting whoever wants to be close to me. I’m no good and I know it. My own mother knew it.

I feel sleep beginning to come.

This is my internal process; I beat myself to sleep every night.

My phone vibrates.

I am pulled out of my sleepy thoughts and see that Lael is texting me.

This is a big bed for just me…;)

I close my eyes and smile. If ever there was someone I should protect from my silly life, it’s her. When the rock star thing wears off, I’m afraid of what she’ll see. I don’t want to fall in love with her then lose her; the people I love tend to disappear. It really is a drug, and I’m afraid I’ve already let it in my veins, it’s flowing through my heart.

I am high thinking about sneaking into her room. I am high thinking about taking her on a sunny beach vacation.

I reply: Room number?

213

I grab a few things and make my way over. I don’t feel the cold because my blood is running hot. Room 213. I knock quietly and the door opens almost immediately; she is waiting for me.

Lael is wrapped in a towel, her face has no make-up, it’s natural and beautiful. The room smells like her shampoo.

“Hurry up, let’s get under the covers, it’s freezing,” she says playfully.

Lael takes me by the hand to the bed. I’m overwhelmed by her. Her silky skin, bright eyes, her soft lips that seem to want to smile. The heat in the room is cranked and there is still steam coming from the bathroom. It’s not freezing at all.

“C’mon, take it all off Mr. Snyder,” she says, as she pulls at my leather jacket. I pull in and kiss her, her mouth is soft and we melt together perfectly. My tongue wrestles with hers for a moment then she pushes me away.

“Your jacket is wet and cold, take it off, all of it,” she demands. Lael climbs onto the bed and kneels.

I begin to undress.

Lael playfully takes off her towel. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone more comfortable being completely naked. She seems more at ease than when she’s clothed. I’m not bashful but I almost feel silly standing there naked. I’m more than ready for her, though, and she notices.

“You’re perfect,” she says, as she crawls over to the edge of the bed. With her hands on my naked ass she pulls me in, she takes me in her mouth passionately, but only for a moment. She sits up so we are face to face.

“Come to bed baby, aren’t you cold?” Lael says in a voice I’ve not heard from her. Her hand is running up and down my length, still commanding my attention, never breaking eye contact.

I kiss her, moving so I kneel on the bed and we hold each other tight. Running our hands over each other’s skin. Even in this position, our bodies are trying to find the other. I am trying to find her, and she is trying to accept me. I lay her down and our bodies know where to go. Her legs wrap around me, my arms go around her. Kissing passionately, we make love. Rolling around, taking turns, simply letting go.

I want to make her feel good. I want her to love me. My hands do everything they can to push her over the edge while I am just moments away. We untangle and she opens her soul to me. I push in as deep as I can, overwhelmed with passion but I’m still careful to be gentle.

When it’s over, I ease off and she puts her hand on my chest.

“Where did you come from?” she asks.

We lie together, face to face, kissing softly. We let our lips graze each other, she tugs my ear lightly. I pull the blankets over us. She is smiling so beautifully, we stare at each other and let a wonderful energy pass back and forth. At the same time, we laugh at our prolonged staring contest.

“What was it you wanted to tell me?” I ask.

The air in the room changes instantly. Her smile melts away. Lael lies on her back and pulls the covers to her chin.

“Brad, god, I don’t know,” Lael says, looking at the ceiling rather than me.

I feel it coming. I had let my guard down ever so slightly and now she wants out. This is where it ends. This is where she says it’s been fun but that’s a wrap. Time to call it quits, we’re done. I’m disappointed in myself, how could I have been so careless?

I prop myself up and prepare to be dumped. I practice my casual reaction in my head, I don’t want to lose dignity here.

“Brad,” she says in a whisper.

“What’s up?”

Lael turns to face me. I can’t read her expression but the way she looks at me makes my heart quicken.