It almost felt like an encouragement, and my mouth lifted a little. “You’ll be an uncle,” I said, looking at him.
His shoulders curled forward a little, his head inclined, and when he looked at me, it was with such sharp pain that I felt it inside my chest. “Yes,” he said.
“Galen,” I breathed, raising my hand toward him, but there was nothing I could say, or do.
“I should just leave,” he told me, his voice soft, the wind pulling the sound away as it ruffled through his dark hair. “But I can’t just leave. I can’t leave you here with him. I can’t leave the city to his caprices.”
My mouth was dry. “Galen,” I whispered.
He stepped forward and kissed my cheek, his mouth hovering there, warming my skin, making my whole body tingle and throb. “I have nothing, Shalia, nothing of worth to make promises. And maybe I can’t even keep such a promise, but I will protect you and your children. I’ll protect you until I die.”
In my heart, I knew what he was speaking of. I knew why he should leave, why I shouldn’t say his name, or touch him, or fight with him. Like the power I wanted to hide, the way he made me feel hovered just beneath the surface, stronger for having never seen the light. “I don’t want protection.”
He pulled away and his green eyes met mine. “That’s all I have. That’s all I am.”
I stared at him so long my world drowned in green. “That’s not all you are, Galen.”
The corner of his mouth turned up, but the ghost of a smile held no amusement. “You don’t really know me.”
I crossed my arms around myself, nodded. “Good,” I said, shutting my eyes.
“Good?” he asked, his voice too close.
I kept my eyes closed, desperate to open them, to move closer, to run my fingers over the scars on his face. “Yes. It’s easier to think that I don’t know who you are at all, that I’m imagining this.”
“Maybe I’ll try that,” he said, his voice low and heavy. He was still two steps away, but I felt him, everywhere, close to me, hovering just beyond my skin, calling my power up and making it shiver to be unleashed.
“Ha-ha!” Calix shouted, and I jumped, turning as he closed the balcony door behind him. “Galen, are you hoarding my wife?” he said, striding up to me and putting his arms around me from behind. His hands fanned over my stomach, his lips touched my cheek, and I shut my eyes rather than look at Galen while Calix touched me.
“Forgive me, brother.”
“Most of the court is lined up to see us, wife. Galen, come in and take note of who isn’t there.”
“I’ll stay out here,” I told them. “A few minutes longer.”
Calix kissed my hand. “Are you all right?”
I nodded. “I feel a little ill. The fresh air helps.”
He kissed my mouth, nodding and relinquishing my hand. I watched them walk in together, and I turned away, looking for solace and finding only the endlessness of blue sea.
The World Spun Upside Down
I didn’t sleep well that night. I woke early, hiding the comb in my pocket, eager to go to the garden and practice my power. I bent every tooth of the comb forward and back, even focusing enough to lift the comb off my hand, but it wasn’t enough. In the garden, I moved the stone bench, I raked my power through the ground and tore up small rocks, large rocks, tiny flecks of minerals. It was never enough.
I had everything I had been hoping for—a child, and a tenuous grasp on peace that was slowly becoming stronger. My husband would finally lay down his arms.
My power still felt desperate, something wild that was artificially pinned down and aching to be freed, and it never felt more wild and desperate than when I was with Galen, when he looked at me and touched me and said the things that I spent hours turning over in my mind.
I was so close to everything I wanted, and it felt like I would never possibly be happy. I walked the garden twice over, but I still couldn’t shake the feeling.
Zeph and Theron both came with me to the Erudium that day, and when Adria and I walked outside the castle, I saw a carriage waiting for me.
“We will walk,” I said, directing an imperious stare at Adria.
“It wasn’t me,” she said quickly.
“My lady, the news of your condition has spread throughout the city. The people are overjoyed for you, and I just want to ensure your safety. Crowds can be dangerous,” Zeph told me.
I lifted my head. “Then you will protect me as you so ably do, but I will not take a carriage.”
“My lady—” Zeph started.
“Zeph,” I interrupted, stepping closer to him and speaking softly. “The carriage makes me ill,” I admitted. “And my stomach is uneasy already.”
“Oh,” he said. He crossed his arms over his big chest. “Hm. How about a horse, then?”
I nodded. “A horse I can manage.”
“Theron!” he shouted. “Horses!”
Both guards fussed over me as I mounted the horse, as if I would suddenly tumble from the creature’s back and shatter like an egg. I scowled at them both, and they mounted their own horses when they were satisfied I was safe. It was a wonder it didn’t take them tying me to the saddle.
“Theron will go first,” Zeph told me. “And I’ll be behind you and Adria. You must keep going, no matter what, and keep pace with him. Yes?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
He nodded once. “Good. After you, my queen.”
Theron started riding, and I followed him at a quick canter. The guards opened the gates, and my heart soared as I saw flowers lining the walkway, and then people at the bottom of the slope. At the sight of me they started cheering, and people started pressing in toward us. I didn’t even know where people were coming from, but it seemed they were multiplying.
“Faster!” I heard Zeph say behind me, and Theron sped up. The people parted for us, and we sailed through. They blurred around me, hands waving and reaching out for me. I felt them touching me, and spurred my horse.
The crowd thinned away from the castle, but it never dissolved completely. When we arrived at the Erudium, the children were all gathered on the front steps, and they cheered and clapped for me.
People from the city flooded in behind us, and the young men sprang into action, running into a formation to block the others so I could come in. I dismounted, and the children rushed around me, pulling at me and hugging and touching me.
“Back!” Zeph growled, sweeping an arm out to clear the children. They gasped and leaped out of the way. “Is this how the Erudium conducts itself ?”
This seemed to mean something to the children, and they all went back to the steps, standing in formation to welcome me. “We have a very special day planned for you, Tri Queen,” the praecepta told me. She gestured me forward, and I drew my back up straight, going inside.