My stomach turned that he could even threaten such a thing so easily—and moments after he had defended me. “Don’t speak to me of Rian. He left the desert when I was a child for this Resistance. I lost him years ago. And I have left my family behind for peace between our peoples. In spite of him.”
“Good,” he snapped. “But still. He needs to remember that we have you, and I will do with you what I want to stop him. They will collect information in the courtyard. You will be there, for everyone to see. For everyone to be reminded where my queen stands.”
“As you wish,” I said, raising my chin. “But if I’m going to be there, the rest of the women of the court will be with me.” He opened his mouth, yet I continued. “And we’re going to give away as much food as we can purchase or spare. I won’t have our people desperate and hungry.”
“Fine,” he snapped. “Whatever you see fit.” His gaze flicked to Galen. “See that the queen does as she’s told.”
Galen didn’t respond. I stood from my chair and walked slowly down the stairs. Galen followed.
“Wife,” Calix snarled, and I turned. “Don’t forget to wear your crown.”
I swallowed. “As you wish, Calix.”
Galen and Theron trailed me in silence back to my chambers, where the ishru helped affix the crown to my hair. It was light, but I still felt the awkward weight of it on my brow, blotting out my face and my skin and my family until all they would see were three silver branches.
Once the orders had been given to the palace cooks, storekeepers, and women of the court, we assembled in the courtyard. Adria was there, looking small and ashamed, her mother by her side with her arm around her.
I waved Galen and Theron away from me. I was here, and I didn’t need them by my side in a courtyard that was full of guards. The women of the court all watched as I approached Adria.
“Go,” I ordered them. “See that everything is set up to feed our people.”
The women scattered at this, still looking over their shoulders to see how I would react to Adria. Domina Thessaly didn’t say anything, but she was looking at me with such worry on her face.
“How could you do that?” I asked Adria, my voice quiet and low enough that the others couldn’t hear. I kept my face as even as I could, but I couldn’t help looking at her with an accusation in my heart.
“I didn’t want to,” Adria told me miserably. “I didn’t know he would say those things about you. He doesn’t really believe them, I swear it.”
My throat worked and my chin rose higher. Calix would rebuke her, loudly call out her disloyalty, and dismiss her from service. He would use this excuse to get what he had always wanted.
And in that moment, I saw the temptation of it. I could taste how sweet the words spoken with anger would be in my mouth.
I thought of Calix making me apologize to him months ago, leaning his face close to mine and saying, That is power.
“My queen, please—” Adria continued.
“Stop,” I said, holding up my hand. I would never believe in Calix’s brand of power. “I’m sorry that I was so concerned with myself yesterday that I didn’t consider how you were faring. I cannot hold you responsible for your father’s actions. Do you wish to keep attending to me?”
She looked up at me, surprised. “Yes, my queen.”
“Good,” I said. “Then let us focus on our people, and their needs. We have so much to do, and no time for any petty thoughts.”
I held out my hand to her, and she took it, squeezing it with a grateful look. I brought her over to the table where women were cutting and arranging bread, and let her stand beside me.
I felt the weight of someone else’s eyes, and I looked up and across the courtyard to find Galen’s warm gaze following me. He gave a judicious nod when our eyes met and turned away, calling for the gates to be opened.
Hundreds of people came to inform on their friends and neighbors. The bread disappeared, and more bread, cured meat, and cheese replaced it.
Kairos came, working beside us and teasing the women, laughing with the guards, another d’Dragyn conspicuously in the king’s courtyard, doing his bidding, showing where we stood. But Osmost wasn’t on his shoulder, and I was certain that the hawk was carrying a warning to the one d’Dragyn we were supposedly standing against.
“I think you should sit,” Kai said. It was late afternoon, and the line was only growing longer, with more people for us to offer food to as they waited to tell their tales for a coin.
Adria nodded at this. “You do look tired,” she said. “And I thought you rather liked hard work.”
“I do,” I told her. “So I will continue.”
“You haven’t eaten,” she said.
“Why don’t you rest, and I’ll get you something to eat,” Kairos said.
“I’m not hungry,” I told him. “And I don’t really understand your concern.”
“I don’t think it would do very well for the queen to faint in the middle of all this,” Kairos told me, raising an eyebrow.
Perhaps he had something he needed to tell me? “Very well,” I told him, and he led me over to a stool. The moment I sat, I sighed heavily. I was tired. I pressed my hand to my stomach—it seemed a sad reflection on how little I did every day that a few hours on my feet handing out bread could exhaust me.
The cook was bringing out a huge vat of stew, and Kai waited for her to set it up before requesting a bowl. I couldn’t hear what was said, but I saw the cook smile and angle her spoon at Kairos until he laughed. My brother, ever the charmer.
He brought it over to me, but I smelled it a foot away and stood up. He halted, looking at me curiously. “Skies, that’s the fish, isn’t it?” I asked.
He looked at it. “Yes. Has it offended you? I think it already lost its head, but I’m sure we can cook up some kind of revenge.” He grinned. “Cook up?” he repeated with a wink.
I backed away, but it was like the smell was a thick, physical presence in my nostrils, clawing down my throat.
“Oh,” I cried, and barely made it to the edge of the courtyard, the grassy patch that led down toward the garden and the ocean, before my stomach wretched up its meager contents.
Kairos was beside me, twisting my hair back and holding my crown steady. “Very well,” he said. “No more fish.”
My stomach heaved again, but nothing came up. “Water!” he called, and I heard someone offer it to him.
I straightened up, and he let my hair go to rub my back, passing me a skin of water. I drank a little, but it made my stomach feel tight and angry, and I passed it back to him, shaking my head.
I turned around. Adria and Kairos were there, but the guards had formed a blockade around us, their backs to me, affording me some strange level of privacy. “Here,” Adria offered, handing me a piece of bread. “Try that. My mother said that’s all she could eat with Aero.”
I didn’t take it. “Aero?” I repeated.
Skies Above, she thought I was with child. But I couldn’t be—I had last bled—
Months ago, I realized.
I had been exhausted for days. My mother had been so tired with Gavan, especially for the first few months.
My head was pounding. “Skies,” I breathed. “I think I need to sit for a minute.”