She cleaned it, slowly and gently, and I just looked at her, silent.
“You’re younger than me—did you know that?” she asked. I shook my head a tiny bit. She nodded. “By more than a year. It’s strange. You seem so wise, you know. You’re very self-possessed. Strong. And I thought, when he married you, that the better parts of him would prevail.” She sighed, rocking back.
“This doesn’t surprise you,” I said.
“Calix can be very cruel,” she told me, lifting her shoulder and not looking at me. “But he can also be protective, and sweet, and loving, when he’s not so very afraid.”
My eyes shut as my head throbbed. “Will you really kill Rian?” I asked.
She put down the cloth, and the pounding pain in my cheek seemed to get worse. “That’s what I do, Shalia. Calix tells me to kill someone, and I do. I don’t stop until they’re dead.”
Anger made me glare at her. “You have a choice. You don’t have to do what he says. Danae, don’t do what he says,” I told her. “Please.”
She sighed. “Calix never wanted this for me, you know,” she said. “I just—after my parents died, there were many attempts on us, particularly on me because I was very young and weak then. It got to the point that I was frightened to go places alone. I thought I was being followed. And then someone poisoned us all, and I almost died. I was sent to live in safety, away from court.” She leaned against the wall again, watching me. “And I didn’t want to be helpless. I wanted to be more than a rabbit in a snare.”
I pressed the cloth to my lip, trying to be calm, trying not to notice the blood building up on the white cloth. “He doesn’t deserve your devotion,” I told her bitterly.
“He does,” she said. “Maybe he doesn’t deserve yours, but he deserves mine.” She looked away from me. “And I don’t want to know of a day when he doesn’t, because I won’t be welcome here. I won’t be welcome anywhere in the Trifectate,” she told me. “So I have to be useful. But with any luck, Rian’s left the city already.”
“If Calix accepted you as you are, everyone else would,” I said.
She gave a dry, sad laugh. “Calix doesn’t mind that I’m a spy, or an assassin, or whatever else I must be to serve the God. But he’ll never forgive finding me kissing another girl when I was thirteen,” she told me, shaking her head. “That’s too much to ask.”
“He loves you,” I said. “Why would he care who you kiss?”
Her stare was flat, defiant. “The girl was found below the cliffs the next morning, so I think he cares.” She shrugged, and I could only imagine how painful the memory was for her. “You don’t seem shocked. Is such a thing common in the desert?”
I pulled the cloth away, dabbing at my cheek again and looking at it. More red, new patterns. “There’s a different ceremony if you choose someone of your own sex. Because you can’t have children of your own, you can choose a clan and travel with them. It’s not common, but it’s not strange.”
Danae was quiet for many long moments. “In the Trifectate, people like me are meant to be sacrificed to the Three-Faced God. Like the Elementae.”
I reached forward and took her hand. She squeezed mine tight.
“Is it throbbing?” she asked, looking at my cheek.
I nodded. “I can’t stay here, Danae.” Tears pushed up behind my eyes, and the pressure made the pain worse. “I can’t be here.”
She met my eyes, full of warning. “You can’t leave, Shalia.”
Pulling my hand from hers, I shook my head. “Please. I have to. I can’t stay here. Not right now. The tour—why can’t I just go to a city now and wave a bit or whatever it is he wishes me to do?”
“They’ll see the bruise, Shalia. As bad as things are, they’ll be worse if people know that Calix hit you.”
A shiver racked my body thinking of Kairos’s words. “Will you find Kairos? I don’t believe Calix that they’ll release him.”
“Yes. But, Shalia, you can’t—”
“The rebels,” I told her. “He can use me as part of his ridiculous reasoning to tear his people apart. Tell them I was injured by the rebels. But I will leave in the morning.”
She stood with a sigh. “Well, he’ll agree to that.”
“I don’t give a damn if he agrees,” I told her. She extended a hand to help me up, but I shook my head.
She held out her palm for a moment longer, and let it drop. “I know. But, Shalia, if you leave him, if you go to the desert, ‘cruel’ will not begin to describe the things he will do to your people.”
I shuddered. “Yes, I know.” She walked to the door, and I watched her. “Danae,” I said, and she stopped. “Thank you. For your help, and your honesty. I appreciate both more than you know.”
She met my gaze. “I trust you, Shalia. And that’s not a simple thing in this court.”
She left, and I stayed frozen.
Binding
I slept curled against the wall. When I woke to the first blush of dawn, I asked the ishru to pack things for me and opened the door. Zeph, Theron, and Kairos all stood there in the same clothes from the day before, looking haggard and tired.
“Great Skies,” Kai breathed, touching my chin and turning my face a little. I pushed away from him. I hadn’t looked at it yet—I didn’t want to look at it. Zeph and Theron looked mournful, and Zeph opened his mouth, but I held up a hand.
“You should have slept,” I told them. “We’re leaving as soon as we can.”
Zeph straightened. “Where?” he asked.
“I don’t know. Pick a city that my husband wanted me to tour—it doesn’t matter. As long as it isn’t here.”
“Your guard—”
“Take whatever men you need. I’m sure you can figure that out quickly.”
Zeph nodded, and when he turned, I saw Adria standing there, her face pale. “You’re leaving?” she said, and then a second later her eyes fell on my face. “My queen,” she said, her voice soft and urgent. “I heard—I know you didn’t get that bruise on our way home yesterday.”
My eyes widened. I hadn’t thought of her—the one person who would notice, and know. “Adria—” I started, but I had no idea what else to say.
Kairos took a step forward, standing between us, his hand on his scimitar’s hilt.
“I won’t tell,” she said quickly, looking between us. Her eyes met mine, deep with meaning, and she continued. “If you don’t want me to. It’s the sort of thing my father would be very interested in hearing, because of how it might build sentiment against your husband among the vestai. So I won’t tell—unless you want me to.”
I shook my head. That didn’t seem like a solution. “I don’t know what I want. But I’d prefer if you didn’t tell. You should go, Adria. I don’t think it would be for the best if Calix saw you now.”
She drew a deep breath and nodded.
“Shy,” Kairos said, and I turned to him as she walked away.
Tears filled my eyes as I looked him over. “You’re all right?” I asked. “They didn’t hurt you?”
“Not badly.”
I covered my mouth.
“Shy, I’m fine. You’re not,” he said. His voice dropped. “If we’re leaving, we should head north. To the desert.”