“No.” Annalise made her way into a stall of her own and pulled the curtain closed. Living out here was like living at a campground, and as she watched a spider drag its waterlogged body across the shower floor toward the drain, she thought perhaps she would never get used to this. “Ben feels big. It’s hard to explain. It’s like, when I’m around him, it’s hard to breathe and my chest gets all tight and my panther wants to rip out of my skin and fight him.”
The water turned on in Jenny’s stall. “Good God, you really are crazy. The first part of your story was normal. That heaviness you feel from Ben? That’s his alpha mojo. You should feel that. That’s what he uses to control the crew. Sounds bad, but they need all the guidance Ben can give them. He collects the broken souls, the C-Teamers, the big cats no one else wants. Some crews live closer to civilization, but we live out here for a reason. This place is Ben’s attempt to rehabilitate problem shifters.”
Annalise stripped out of her clothes and turned on the water as hot as it would go. “Well, that’s noble of him. I guess that’s why he is fine with me here.” Honestly, she didn’t really like that she’d been let into Red Havoc territory because she was broken.
The sound of a shampoo bottle popped, and then Jenny called over the wall, “It’s more noble than you understand.”
“What do you mean?” Annalise asked, stepping under the steaming jets of water.
“Alphas who take the broken ones risk having to put them down. Some can’t be saved.”
Gooseflesh rippled across her skin, and Annalise froze. “What do you mean ‘put them down?’”
“You know what I mean. We police ourselves outside of human law. Sometimes killing is necessary.”
“No, no, no, it’s never necessary because that’s murder, and murder is wrong.”
“That’s the human in you talking. Listen to your panther, though. She’ll see the necessity in killing off the dangerous ones.”
“Well, she thinks it’s a great idea to kill everything that breathes, so she’s not really who I go to for life-advice. Oh, my God, Ben kills people?”
“You’ll kill someday, too.”
Horrible memories of the night she’d been Turned washed through her mind like a tsunami, and Annalise closed her eyes against the onslaught. No one could know what really happened that night. “That’s why I came here, so that I wouldn’t go all kitty-serial-killer on the outside world. Ben is supposed to stop me, or protect everyone from me, or something. But he’s a killer!”
Jenny sighed a tired sound. “Annalise, your life is different now. You’ll have to learn how to let your old life and your old views go. Shifters go to war, shifters fight over territory, humans try to hurt and expose us and have to be dealt with. There’s always something happening. It’s just the way it is.”
“But I never saw anything about this online or in the news.”
“And you won’t if we’re handling things correctly. What would you have Ben do with a panther who goes on a killing spree? Women, children, he just goes mad, and his animal takes over and ends human lives. Hmm? What would you have him do with that shifter?”
“Give them to the police!”
“So they can lock him up with other people, who he would kill or Turn into a monster shifter, just like him.”
Damn. Jenny had a point. “Isn’t there some shifter maximum security prison or something?”
“Yes,” Jenny murmured softly over the sound of running water. “And putting down the unsalvageable shifters is a kindness to them, Annalise. Ben doesn’t do it lightly. He saves who he can, and when he has to make the hard decisions, it rips him up inside. For always. He’s no killer. He’s an alpha, and they have to keep their crews, as well as the outside world, safe. You shouldn’t ever give into your urge to fight him, Annalise. Challenging an alpha is a really bad idea and can get you killed. Don’t push him to make an example of you. Don’t force his hand. If he goes easy on you, the boys will start challenging him for alpha, and it will be chaos in the crew. There are no submissives here, and everything hangs in a very fine balance. Don’t fuck with that balance. It wouldn’t take much to poison this crew. You want to fight someone? Go after Barret. He’s Second and a total dick ninety-four percent of the time. Plus it would be hilarious if he lost Second to a girl.”
“Wait, why aren’t you Second? You’re Ben’s mate.”
Jenny snorted. “Not how it works, Newbie. I had to fight for my place at the bottom of the crew. I care nothing for dominance and crew politics. I only care about if Ben and Raif are happy.”
“I have to admit, you coming out of the trees yesterday with that rifle like some zombie-slaying badass was pretty cool,” Annalise said, scrubbing shampoo into her hair.
“Flattery will get you everywhere with me. You and the boys were a mess yesterday. I wanted it done and the grizzly out of our territory. He’s bad news. All Gray Backs are.”
“Why?”
“Because they are notoriously violent monster beasties, and I like survival. You can’t trust a Gray Back. They’re the original C-Team. Creed is like Ben and collected a menagerie of broken shifters, then tried to make them get along. Except rumor has it they fight all the damn time. Think what you did yesterday, going after your own crew, and multiply that by entire crew battles, just ripping each other to shreds for fun. And you brought a mother-fucking Barns into Red Havoc territory. His daddy, Matt, is this scarred-up beast bear who survived years in some testing facility. And his momma? Willamena Mother-Freakin’ Madden, now Barns. She’s a worm-loving weirdo. Glasses, dyed red hair, little, compact, doesn’t look like she could lift a can of beans out of the pantry. But she was Turned by Beaston, the monster of monsters, and the moment her grizzly comes out, she brings hell. She’s one of the only female shifters to take Second in a crew, and she’s dominant over all those broken Gray Backs. Except for Creed. She and Matt made little monster babies, who grew up to be demon grizzlies, and you brought one here, to a crew already on shaky ground.”
Oh, she hadn’t just brought Jaxon here. She’d totally had a diddle party with him up on the mountain last night. Standing here under the hot jets of shower water, she waited for regrets that didn’t come. What Jenny was telling her should’ve scared her, but it didn’t. She knew Jaxon. Knew him from months of texting and building a tentative bond already. He might attack every last one of the Red Havoc Crew, she didn’t know, but in her heart she did know he would be protective of her. And yeah, maybe he was a demon grizzly, but he hadn’t hurt her during the fight yesterday, even when she gave him her back. And he hadn’t hurt her last night during boink-apalooza. He’d given her the epic fucking of her lifetime, plus one billion butterflies in her stomach.
Maybe her instincts really were broken. She-Devil practically purred inside of her every time she thought about Jaxon. Grizzly or no, he felt important, and she wanted more time with him. She knew it was wrong to be with Jaxon, but hadn’t figured out why yet. And the why it was wrong was the most important question.
“Jenny?”
“Yeah?”