TwentyNine
Lexi The next morning, when the little monster barged into my room and found his father in my bed, he growled, “You had another sleepover?”
My laughter shook the bed, and when the man at my back snuffled out a laugh into my hair, I snorted.
This child. I couldn’t even deal.
It was too early for this.
I lifted my head and yawned. “Morning, sweetie.”
He stood at the foot of the bed, looking mad as a bag of cats at a greyhound meet, and when he folded his arms across his chest, my eyes widened. He muttered, “It’s not fair. How come Daddy gets to sleep in here? Why can’t he sleep with me?”
To that, his daddy responded a sleep rough, “You wanna sleepover, little dude? All right then.” The arm he had around me tightened as he stretched. “How about you come sleep at my place tonight and we’ll do...” he grumbled, half asleep. “I don’t know. Manly shit.”
A.J.’s face turned shocked then morphed into disbelief before settling on pure excitement. He put his arms up in the air, and yelled out, “Yes!” before hightailing it out of the room, running down the hall, and—if I wasn’t mistaken—he was already in his room packing a bag.
I spoke into the silent room. “What about Mommy? Is she invited to the manly sleepover?”
Twitch reached up under the covers and squeezed my breast. “Nope. Sorry, Mommy. Only boys allowed.”
I feigned upset. “Oh, no, whatever shall I do?”
He moved my hair to the side, pressing a long kiss to my neck. “Keep backin’ that ass up and I’mma fuck you into next week.”
Jesus.
The dirty talk never failed to excite me. And when I accidentally—on purpose—pressed my ass back into his morning wood, he hissed out, “Jesus. You don’t know when to quit, baby.” He made a growling sound deep in his chest, before he warned, “Stop.”
I pouted. “Okay.” Reaching for my robe, I slipped it over my naked body, tying it around my waist before picking up Twitch’s boxers and putting them within arm’s reach. He watched me pick clean underwear, and when I looked through my closet, pulling out a plain black dress, he made a noise.
Twisting back, I blinked. “You don’t like it?”
He made a face that said he did not.
Why did that matter to me?
I put the dress back, and when I pulled out a tan-colored, knee-length dress with a pencil skirt, he pursed his lips in approval.
“Okay,” I uttered, taking it with me to the bathroom.
I showered quickly, and as I opened the bathroom door to let out steam, I listened to the conversation my son was having with his father.
“Why do you call Mummy baby? She’s not a baby. She’s a lady.”
“Well, yeah,” Twitch explained. “It’s a term of endearment.”
A.J. didn’t understand. “What’s a terma deermat?”
Twitch snuffled out a laugh. “Something you call someone you care about very much. And I call your mom that because I love her and want to keep her safe, and I’d do anything to protect her.” He paused. “You get it, bud?”
“Yeah,” uttered A.J. “I get it.”
I smiled to myself, stepping out of the bathroom and checking the time. With an anxious squawk, I rushed into my room and came out hopping on one foot, trying to put my shoes on without falling. “Oh, shoot. I’m going to be late.” Snatching my bag up, I called out, “Okay, I have to go. I love you, honey.” I paused at the door, smiling at my little man. “See you after school.”
That was when A.J. called back, “I love you too, baby.”
And the silence that followed was absolutely horrendous.
Unable to stop myself, I started to laugh at the sheer horror on Twitch’s face. “Oh my stars, Daddy.” I laughed silently, and when he looked at me with an expression that yelled Help! I shook my head, my entire body quaking with suppressed mirth. “I am not touching this one with a ten-foot pole. This is all on you.” I opened the door and stepped out of it, choking on the hilarity. “You have fun with that!”
I laughed the entire way to work.
***
Ling I was feeling so low that it only made sense to get high.
A storm was brewing. A raging storm that was bound to cost lives. And its billowing winds had knocked the sense right out of me.
It had been three days since the phone call.
The phone call that wrecked me.
Having not slept in three fucking days, I drove in silence, and it never even occurred to me to wonder how the hell I was still functioning after being awake for a solid seventy-two hours. The blow I snorted earlier was probably the reason my heart was racing the way it was, but in my mind, my heart was malfunctioning, crashing from the news that I was no longer wanted.
I didn’t cry. No. I wouldn’t cry.
No man was worth my precious tears. In all my years, I never believed myself stupid enough to fall for this kind of bullshit.
Yet, here I was, broken.
The baddest bitch on this side of the hemisphere, I considered myself immune to the ministrations of men like him. How could I be so stupid?
My lip curled as I pushed down on the accelerator, gripping the steering wheel tightly, overtaking cars recklessly as I flew down the highway.
Aslan Sadik left his mark on me.
Oh, he gonna learn today.
And now, I would leave my own mark.
The beautiful Turk would learn that you couldn’t just play with people’s feelings like he had. You couldn’t just tell somebody you loved them then discard them. It was a dick move to make somebody believed you cared for them then just... leave. He showed me tenderness I’d never known, and I would never be the same.
I begged.
Can you fucking believe that shit?
My insides shriveled with shame.
I begged him to stay with me.
Who is this weak-ass bitch?
My heart rate increased as I let out a humorless laugh, my hair whipping around me as the wind assaulted my stinging eyes.
Yes, that’s why I was tearing up. It was from the wind. Not from the hurt.
Yeah. You tell yourself whatever you need to tell yourself, boo.
Stupid men.
I hated them. All of them.
I was officially going full-metal lez. No more cock for me. I clearly wasn’t responsible enough to trust myself around dick anymore.
What a fucking shame.
I loved cock.
When I started driving, I didn’t know where I was going, but now that I was pulling up to the curb, I realized I’d known all along. My hold on the steering wheel was so tight my knuckles turned white. I took in a deep breath and glanced across the street a moment before what was left of my heart built a wall around itself, protecting itself from me and the decisions I had made to allow this to happen.
I didn’t even blame Az. Not really. I trusted him and I knew better, and that was on me.
Maybe that’s why this stung so much. The only man I had let break me before was a man who preferred to die than be with me.
I tipped my head back and laughed openly a long while before my heart jerked in such a way that caused me to put a shaking hand to my chest, panting through the pain.
Why didn’t anyone want me?
“What’s wrong with me?” I spoke into the stillness of the car’s interior before gritting my teeth, looking at myself in the rearview mirror. Lifting a hand, I reared back and threw it across my cheek, the impact making a solid whack.
I gasped then panted, my eyes rolling into the back of my head as my core clenched. The area throbbed, and I closed my eyes in bliss as a tear fell from my lashes.
Again.
I lifted my opposite hand, shaking from anticipation. I needed more, more pain to dull the grief. When the second blow landed, I let out a low whine, biting my lip, treasuring the blazing heat throbbing in my panties.
Some things never changed.
It was careless of me to think I could.
I was born this way. I couldn’t alter, no matter how much I wanted to at the weakest of times. But this crazy bitch owned her insanity, wore it like a second skin, and today, I was not just crazy. I was deranged, demented.
Psycho with a side of schizo.