He stared at me a moment, unblinking, before he stood and tugged at the bottom of his jacket, straightening himself. When he held out a hand to me, I slapped it away, standing on my own and smoothing down the front of my dress.
Aslan stepped forward, closer than I would have liked him, and he searched my battered face. “I didn’t mean for this meeting to go in the direction it did.”
My chest ached.
I couldn’t deal with the affection that lined his voice. I didn’t want it. He needed to go.
Looking back over my shoulder, I shrugged it off. “Don’t worry about it.” Then I threw him my smiling eyes. “I just have that affect on people.”
Just leave.
He looked disappointed in himself. “You’re infuriating.” He spoke low, to himself. “Why the fuck do I want you so badly?”
With a light sigh, I sat back in my desk chair. “The same reason every other man I’ve screwed wants me, Sadik. I let you be who you want to be, who you really are. I bring forth your demons, and I fuck them too, because it makes me happy to see men lose control of themselves. Because it makes me hot to watch a good man be bad, and it’s so easy to do. Because I like to be taken rather then wooed. Pain makes me wet, and I know that’s screwed up.” I blew out a long breath and smiled warmly at him. “But that’s who I am. I couldn’t change, even if I wanted to.” My smile waned. “Believe me. I’ve tried.”
Didn’t he see what I really was? A cancer on this world, plaguing every man I met.
I was a sexually transmitted disease, and Aslan was just one of a long list of those infected.
The sad fact was men liked their girls insane. I was proof of that.
When he came to me, taking my face in his hands and looking deeply into me, my chest tightened at the concern in his eyes. He brought his full lips to mine, kissing me gently, and I let him, because I was a sadist.
My heart clenched painfully at what he said next.
“I know what your father did to you,” he spoke against my lips before pulling back. “Knowing what I know now, I’d have slaughtered him.” He held my face fast and looked down at me almost desperately. “I’d have killed him. Tortured him. Taken him apart, piece by piece, fed him to the dogs.” He was crazy. Why did I like that so much? “I’d have done it for you.”
A solid warmth spread through me. I should not have been feeling what I was feeling.
“I don’t need a man to protect me, Turk,” I told him, stepping back and watching his hands fall. Men had let me down my entire life, and I would never put myself in the position to have that happen again. “I save myself. Always have, always will.”
Aslan sighed, but he did it with smiling eyes. “I know.” When he turned to leave, he paused at my door. “See you later?”
Jesus, he was annoying.
I rolled my eyes. “You don’t know how to take a hint, do you?”
He blew me a kiss, grinning hard, and then I was alone.
It was an odd feeling, really. For the first time since Twitch died... I didn’t want to be alone anymore.
As I sat at my desk with a throbbing mouth and a bruised temple, my lips thinned.
Why did that piss me off so much?
It was close to four a.m. when my doorbell rang.
Sliding out of bed, dressed in nothing but a tiny silk teddy, I reached for the Glock inside my nightstand. When I had it in hand, I looked through the peephole and frowned, throwing the door open and pointing the barrel of my gun at his chest.
“What are you doing here, Turk?” My voice was rough with sleep.
He looked down at the gun a moment before training his smiling eyes on me. “I missed you.”
Yeah, right. “Why are you really here?”
When he reached behind him, I stepped forward, face hard, and pushed my gun into his chest. “Fucking try it.” Wild-eyed, I pressed my gun into him hard enough to bruise and smirked. “Give me a reason. I dare you.”
But Aslan Sadik just watched me closely before pulling out the concealed item. He held it out to me, and my heart began to race.
“Is this a trick?” My eyes narrowed at him. “What game are you playing? I don’t know this one.”
“No game,” he said, raising his free hand in a placating gesture. “It just reminded me of you.” He ran his thumb over the red rose. “Beautiful.” He gently touched the few bruised petals. “But a little damaged.”
God, he was laying it on thick. “If you came here to fuck—”
“Actually, I have to go. My wife is likely waiting for me.”
When I made no move to take the rose, he took my free hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing my knuckles, and I hid the shiver it caused well enough. Unfortunately, I couldn’t hide the goosebumps that lined my arms, and when Aslan spied them, he smiled, running soft fingertips over them. “I think you lied.”
My brow lowered. “About what?”
“I think you do want to be wooed.” At my disbelieving scoff, he went on. “I think you want someone to be gentle with you, Ling. You just don’t know it, because you’ve never experienced that at that hands of a man.” When he stated, “You’ve been let down by men, myself included, and I’m sorry for that,” I wanted to unload my clip into him.
How dare he assume he knew me?
How dare he be partly right?
I didn’t speak. I couldn’t.
What did he want me to say to that?
He didn’t say a word as he placed the rose into my hand. I held it tightly, needing to feel the sharp sting of its thorns in my palms to break through the inner turmoil I felt.
Aslan walked backward, away from me, and I wanted him back. Before he left, he uttered, “You look beautiful in the moonlight.”
When he was gone, I shut the door behind me and put my back to it. I wanted to be unaffected, but I never had been, not with Aslan. I loathed that he somehow knew that.
“Fuck.” I looked down at the pretty rose and my heart jolted.
Jesus Christ, Ling.
What are you doing?
Oh, no.
The realization hit me like a ton of bricks.
I was falling in love.
Chapter Eight
Lexi
It was so good to be working again. I mean, it wasn’t paid work, but it was still something I was passionate about, and if I could help even one person, then I was good. Truth was, I didn’t need the money. I had more than I knew what to do with. Untraceable checks still came monthly to this day. But my time was something I could give to people who needed it.
I volunteered for a non-profit organization that did house checks on people suffering with depression, mental illness, suicidal thoughts, and a number of other mental disorders.
Walking to the door, I knocked, and when the woman answered the door, I smiled. “Hello. I’m Lexi Ballentine. We spoke on the phone.”
The woman nodded but didn’t move to open the door any wider.
“Can I come in?” When she watched me carefully, I said politely, “Or I can stay out here. That’s okay too.” I looked down at my notes. “It’s Gianna, isn’t it?”
She nodded, choosing to remain silent, and that was fine. I could carry a conversation on my own; I didn’t need help.
I smiled softly. “That’s a pretty name. Are you Italian?”
At that, she spoke quietly. “My father was.” Then she asked, “You’re American?”
Got her.
All you needed was an in, and she gifted me that, bless her. “Yeah. I came to live here when I was twenty. Have you ever been to Italy before?”
She shook her head, and I couldn’t help but notice how gaunt she looked.
“Is it okay if I ask you a few questions, Gianna?”
She didn’t look happy but said, “That’s fine.”
I made sure to speak in quiet tones. I didn’t want to rattle her anymore than she clearly was. “When’s the last time you ate, honey?”
The lean woman licked her lips. “Yesterday, I think.”
I think.
“I only ask because I have some groceries in my trunk.” I laid my sympathetic eyes on her. “I know how daunting it can be to go shopping when you suffer from anxiety.” I really did. I spent the first year of A.J.’s precious life suffering from anxiety, and I had attacks more often than not. “Do you need anything? I have the basics. Bread, milk, cereal, eggs.”
God, she looked ready to burst into tears, and when she spoke, it was barely a whisper. “Yes, please.”