But Sarah’s body remained still; she was clearly out cold. Thank God.
Sitting up, I wiped my hand over my face. Fear killed my erection as I blew out a shaky breath. I couldn’t believe I’d touched her so inappropriately. Sarah was everything pure and sweet and good. Sex was dirty. Dirty and Sarah should never even be breathed in the same sentence.
So why had I been so tempted to get dirty with her a few seconds ago? Before I’d realized what I’d been doing, my natural instinct had been to tighten my hand around her breast, roll my thumb over her nipple again and press my mouth to the back of her neck for a taste while I humped her ass. And that was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
Hell, even watching her now as the moonlight spilled into the room and bathed the back of her bare shoulder with a warm glow, I wanted to reach for her, touch her, kiss that smooth beautiful flesh. And shit, I guess my boner hadn’t completely died because it suddenly sprang back to life.
Cursing myself, I scurried off the bed and shook my limbs, hoping to shake away this disturbing sensation. Visions of my mom kneeling in front of me and taking me into her hand as she poised her lips over the head of my cock sent a sick chill to my stomach. A tremor of dread and revulsion moved through me as I yanked on my shoes, then fumbled to open the window latch and crawl outside.
The temperature had dropped, but I relished the cold. I wished it could freeze all the bad from me so I could never ever get aroused by Sarah again.
The next morning, I was still disturbed by what I’d nearly done to her and had ached to do to her. I managed to avoid her before the first bell rang. We didn’t have first hour together, but we did share a study hall second hour. I made sure to slip in late so all the seats around her would be full. I found a spot all the way across the room and in the back to sit.
She, of course, didn’t even notice. I don’t know how she did it, but when the girl studied, she put all her attention into her work. And as she stared down at one of her textbooks, reading, I couldn’t take my eyes off the pen she was chewing on, or more specifically off her lips where they were wrapped around the barrel.
Why I had never realized she had the most amazing lips until that moment, I’ll never know. Her cerebral palsy sometimes made them purse in the most adorable ways. But I could suddenly picture them wrapped around my cock as I pushed deep and slow into her mouth.
Seconds after that mental picture had my jeans growing uncomfortably tight, the vision of Daisy doing that to me surfaced. Bile rose in my throat and my erection shriveled. I turned my attention from Sarah, feeling filthy. I couldn’t believe I wanted to do such base, disgusting things to my favorite person on the planet. I was no better than my monster of a mother.
For the rest of the day, I avoided Sarah. I had to. I couldn’t look her in the eye without the guilt slaying me. If she knew what I’d been thinking she’d be disgusted.
I had to get these stupid hormones under control. To do that, I tried avoiding her.
Three days passed before she finally messaged me, realizing something was different.
Hey, I haven’t seen you in a few. Are you okay? You’re not mad at me, are you? Did I do something wrong?
So innocent. So sweet. And she’d automatically thought she was the problem.
Now my stomach burned with even more guilt and self-revulsion.
You mean you actually CAN do wrong? I wrote back immediately. Impossible. Of course, I’m not mad at you, dork. Just been busy. I’ll visit again as soon as I can.
Which meant now I had to visit. Soon. And be normal about it.
She wrote back, You’re right. I am flawless. I don’t know what I was thinking. Can’t wait to see you again when you have the time, I’m going to make you start watching a Smallville marathon with me.
I smiled. Watching Smallville with her actually sounded wonderful.
I’d visit her tomorrow.
But the next day, I bumped into the hottest senior girl, Shayla Birmingham, in the halls. I mean, literally bumped into her, making both of us spill all our books onto the floor. We laughed it off and then crouched at the same time, helping each other pick up our things before going our separate ways again.
The next hour, my phone buzzed with a new text.
Hey, this is Shayla. I think we switched phones when we collided in the hallway.
Oh, shit. She was right. I had her phone. My black case was a lot more scuffed than this one.
We texted a couple more times to figure out the best meet and exchange times until we decided I’d just pick it up from her house after football practice since she was busy with cheerleading until then.
She sent me the smiley face emoticon more than once and told me I was funny because of the way I worded things. But I didn’t think I’d impressed her that much, not until I showed up at her place that evening and she invited me in before telling me her parents were gone.
Then she shoved her tongue down my throat and her hand down my pants.