I tuck my hands deep in my pockets as I stalk to the Walmart that we passed on the way to the motel.
My mind wanders to Cara and the way she reacted when I used the same toothbrush as her. I can’t wrap my head around what’s happening between us. It’s like a fucking car accident. No matter how you try to avoid crashing, it’s inevitable. We’re going to collide one of these days and I can only hope that we survive it.
I know she’s not ready for any kind of relationship, and me … fuck knows what I want.
I walk into the Walmart and head over to the clothes. I grab the first pair of jeans I see and hold them up. Yeah, they look about the right size. I grab a few shirts, another pair of jeans and two pairs of slacks. I come to a standstill in the underwear section.
Fuck.
I grab a box of panties and then sigh when my eyes fall on the bras.
Yeah, like I said, a collision is bound to happen. I stare at the bras until it’s well past the point of weird. I take the first one and then think back to the night before. I only got a glimpse, but the image of Cara’s breasts is crystal-fucking-clear.
I search through the row of bras until I find one that looks like it will fit. We can get her more later when she can pick them herself.
I walk over to the shoes. I grab a pair of comfy looking shoes that I think will fit. As I walk to the front of the store my eyes spot the aisle with deodorant and shit. I sniff at a few cans before I pick one that smells fresh.
I grab a pack of pads and tampons, hoping it’s the right shit. I spot some razors and take a pack for her. I get a beard trimmer for myself. I’ve let the beard grow too long. I also get her a toothbrush and brush, because I don’t want to freak her out again.
I stare at the hair dye, but I just can’t take one. She has gorgeous ginger hair. I sigh and glance to my left. There are hats and beanies, and I smile with relief. I get her two hats with flowers and shit on, and then head for the front of the store again, satisfied that I got the essentials.
I hand the cashier the cash, grab the bags, and stalk out of the store. I’ve taken too long.
Just as I walk across the parking area of the motel, four men come out of the room next to ours. They laugh and look casual, but every muscle in my body tenses. I keep my head down as I walk by them. I slow my pace and wait until they get into a car. I wait for the car to leave before I open the door to our room.
My eyes immediately search for her. She’s sitting on the bed, her hands limply on her lap.
“Got you some clothes,” I say and I put the bag down on the bed. “Get dressed so we can leave.”
She keeps staring at the floor, her face devoid of any emotion. She’s got that ‘the lights are on but no one’s home’ look on her face.
I crouch down in front of her and place my hand on her knee. Her skin is cold from just sitting like this in the morning cold. I catch her eyes and they seem to come back into focus.
“Time to get dressed,” I whisper and suddenly it feels like there’s a fucking rock stuck in my throat. I hate seeing her like this.
I take my stuff from the bag and the scissors from the first aid kit, and then I go to the bathroom so she’ll have some privacy to get dressed.
I first cut most of the beard off before I grab the beard trimmer. I trim it so it looks like I haven’t shaved in a few days. It’s most comfortable this way.
I pack everything away and wash the basin out before I go back to the room. I’m relieved to see that Cara changed into slacks and a t-shirt. She’s busy slipping her feet into the shoes.
“Does it fit?” I ask as I pack everything into my bag. I grab her other clothes and shove it into my bag, and then look up.
She’s staring at me with her lips slightly parted. She takes a breath and tilts her head. “You shaved,” she states the obvious.
I rise to my full length. “Yeah, time for a new look. Wear one of the hats to cover your hair.”
I leave the room to put the bag in the car and then rush back. I strip the bedding and start to wipe the place down. It’s a habit I’ll never be able to break. I have to always cover my tracks.
When I’m done I take Cara’s hand. “Let’s go.”
I open the door and scan the area first. It’s quiet outside. I pull her out the door and then lock it behind us.
She stays next to me as we walk to the reception area. I place the key on the counter and leave without a word.
When we reach the car, I open the passenger door first. Cara moves to get in but then stops and looks at me. It looks like she wants to say something but then she changes her mind and she gets in.
I close the door and walk around the car to the drivers’ side. As I get in, I hear her whisper, “Thank you.”
I glance at her and smile. Her eyes flutter over my face before she quickly looks outside. She curls into herself and rests her head against the window.
We have a long way to go, but first we have to stop at my storage unit. Then we disappear.