After the song, Damian leads me back to the bar and once we’re seated I keep my eyes on him. I have to lean in so he can hear me.
“Have you come here before?” I glance at the other women. Some are visibly staring at him and it doesn’t sit well in my gut. He’s never brought anyone home and I don’t know how I’ll feel about it should he do something like that. That house is my safe zone. I don’t want anyone else there. Damian is my shield and another woman will only endanger that.
“Yes.” He doesn’t offer more of an explanation.
I know he’s older than me, by a few years. He’s showing me a different side to him and just maybe he’ll allow questions tonight.
“How old are you?” Oh hell! Not the actual question I was thinking of asking.
His mouth lifts at the corner. I look at the people around us so I don’t have to look at him.
“Thirty-six,” he says, and I can feel the burn of his eyes on me.
Thirty-six! Wow, that makes him eleven years older than me. I didn’t think he was that old. I couldn’t tell for sure with the beard.
He orders another round of drinks. I sit down on a bar stool and drink it slowly. My eyes are on the woman singing. She’s beautiful with her deep auburn hair curling wild around her face. When the song ends, she smiles and talks seductively into the mic, “Thanks folks, we’re taking a short break.”
I look back to find Damian also looking at her. There’s a twisting in my chest when my eyes jump back to the stage and I see her smile at him. I frown as she makes her way toward us and my hands grow clammy. Is she the real reason we came here tonight?
My world stills when he reaches an arm out to her. I watch his arm slip around her slender waist and he pulls her to his chest. Her fingers splay open over his ribs and I watch her squeeze into him. They smile at each other and then bile suddenly builds up in my throat.
I push myself off the stool and rush towards the toilet sign. I just need a second to collect myself. I just need a minute, maybe ten.
Thoughts rush through my mind in a crazy blur. What if he likes her? What if she comes to the house? My safety zone will be gone then!
I push through the door and I go to stand behind the four women who are already waiting. Good, it gives me some time.
I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I look like shit. I’ve passed albino and I’m heading for translucency. Maybe that’s what I’ll become – a ghost.
“Are you going?” a woman behind me asks.
I hurry into the cubicle and I close the door behind me. I turn to face the toilet when a sudden stab of alarm and horror rips the breath from my lungs.
All I can smell is piss and vomit.
All I can feel are the four walls closing in on me.
My whole world tilts to the side and wave after wave of terror makes my heart hammer painfully.
I sink to the floor and scoot back on my ass until I hit the toilet. I squeeze my body into the small space between the toilet and wall, and I press my face into my knees.
“No,” I croak in fear. “They’re not here.” I keep saying the words over and over, trying to fight the nightmare that’s enveloping me in its tormenting claws.
Depraved and ruthless memories rip through me. I can’t fight them off, just like I couldn’t fight the men off.
I hear a loud bang and I cover my head. I start to hyperventilate as I wait for the disgusting hands to claw at me, to rip me to shreds.
Damian~
I keep one eye on the toilets and the other on Jean.
“Who’s the girl?” Jean asks.
“Nobody.” I take a sip of my drink as I take a good look at Jean. She looks tired. It looks like this way of life is starting to catch up with her.
“So listen,” she says and she moves closer to me. “There’s something I need your help with. Is it okay if I come by tomorrow?”
I’ve known Jean for a couple of years now. We fucked a couple of times so she’s been to the house, but now Cara is living there too.
“Not to fuck,” she says, reading my mind. “I need your help with a problem. We need to talk where I know the walls don’t have ears.”
I never turn down work and I can’t stop working just because Cara will be around. “Sure, stop by.”
Jean reaches out to me and gives my hand a squeeze. “Thanks.” She nods to the stage. “I gotta get back.”
She downs the rest of her beer and then makes her way through the crowd. My eyes go back to the toilets and I frown. Cara’s been gone a couple of minutes.
I get up and stalk to the toilets. I don’t care what the women might think. I slam the door open and go in.
“Take a shit at home!” a woman hollers, and she slams a fist against one of the cubicles.
“Yeah, we all gotta piss!” another yells.
I scan the small space but there’s no sign of Cara. Fuck. There are only two stalls. The one closest to me opens and a woman comes out.
“The bitch still in there?” she asks the woman who’s banging on the door.