“That’s not true.” I lay my hand on his cheek, turning his face back to mine. “That’s not true,” I repeat. “What we have means everything to me. I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me. I’m here now.”
“When I saw Simon with his hands on you, when I heard you repeating everything I was afraid of, that we were nothing more than friends, that our relationship was just convenient…It tipped me over the edge. It felt like I was barely hanging on with my family stuff, and then…”
“And then you said you needed space.” It makes sense, but it doesn’t stop the pain from roaring back, and I clutch at my chest, right where it hurts.
Garrett places his hand on top of mine, pressing my palm to my heart. “I’m so sorry, Jennie. I was hurting and overwhelmed, and the longer I sat there by myself, the more I questioned everything. And I just…I don’t know. I fell, I think. My head was a mess, and I pushed you away because I couldn’t sort through my thoughts.”
I sit with his words for a moment before threading my fingers through his. “I forgive you.”
“You do?”
“That’s what friends do when they love each other, when they make mistakes and apologize. You forgave me for getting angry and running out on you the night we saw Kevin.”
Garrett’s gaze steals down to our clasped hands before lifting back to me. “You’re my best friend, Jennie, but I don’t want to be just friends anymore. I don’t want some of the benefits, I want all of them. I want all of you.”
“I’m already yours, Garrett, because of the friendship we built.”
“I like that.” He sweeps a kiss across my knuckles, then tells me about his short trip home. He tells me about finding his dad at the diner, how he was so angry for only a moment, until he saw how broken he was. He tells me why his dad was on the verge of relapsing, how they talked through it together, how he brought him home to his mom and curled up with his sisters.
“I’ve been asking them for years to move out here. This feels like the perfect opportunity for a fresh start. He said he’ll consider it, but who knows.” He shrugs. “I don’t want my sisters to have to call me when they need me. I want to be there all the time for them, and I don’t want to watch them grow up over FaceTime.”
“You’re a good big brother.”
His smiles softly before looking away, swallowing.
“Garrett? What else?”
He hesitates, licks his lips. “My dad’s made a lot of mistakes, more than I could ever keep count of. But what’s mattered to me is that he’s tried so hard to come out on the other side. He always tries to be better. I’m glad he was able to give my sisters the life he couldn’t give me, and I love him for that. But…do you hate him?”
I shift back, surprised. “Hate him? Why would I hate him?”
“Because…it could have easily been him behind the wheel.” He doesn’t need to clarify, to tell me what wheel, the one that killed my dad. “Somebody just like my dad took your dad away from you. I don’t know how to ask you to support him.”
My nose tingles, and I scrunch it in an effort to stave off the ache building in my chest. It manages to slip out the way it normally does, a single tear sneaking down the side of my face. When I reach for the locket that used to hang around my neck, finding nothing but skin, a second and a third tear fall too.
“Nobody can take him from me. I’ll always keep him with me. And you don’t need to ask me to support your dad. I support you and anyone you love, anyone who tries to be better than they were. Isn’t that life? Aren’t we all trying to be better than the version of ourselves we were yesterday?”
“Thank you.” His arms come around me, hugging me tightly to him. “I’m sorry I didn’t communicate better with you about how I was feeling and where I wanted things to go with us. Sometimes I don’t know how to put my feelings into words. I’ve always been better with actions, so I kinda…” He gestures at the gift bag he dropped at the door earlier. “I had this plan to let you know how much you mean to me.”
My hands clasp together at my chest and a squeal slips out. I like presents; sue me. “You can still show me.” I leap to my feet, dashing to the door. “And I got you something too.”
He groans and I roll my eyes, setting the gifts on the coffee table.
“It’s silly, really. Nothing special.” I shove the first box in his hands. “This one’s edible.”
“Better be edible underwear,” he grumbles, then grins as he slips off the ribbon and lifts the lid on the box of custom sugar cookies. Twelve hearts, twelve penises, and a whole lot of I heart your dick’s written all over them. He picks up one tiny penis cookie, examining it. “Not made to size, I see.”
“No, that was the smallest cookie cutter they had.”
Garrett snorts a laugh.
I thrust the next package into his chest, clapping eagerly. “Next!”
He pulls out the underwear inside, lips moving as he reads, and promptly falls forward with a burst of laughter.
I point at the bright yellow caution sign on the crotch, the words that read CAUTION: CHOKING HAZARD. “That’s you, big guy!”
“You are unbelievable.” He kisses my cheek, then reaches for the last box.
I elbow him out of the way, nabbing the box and hugging it to my chest. “You don’t have to open this one. It’s actually…it’s…it’s not for you. It got mixed in. It’s for Dublin.”
“You got the dog a Valentine’s gift?”
I press my lips together. “Mhmm.”
“I don’t believe you.” He snatches the gift away.
“Garrett!” I lunge at him, but he holds his palm against my collarbone, keeping me at bay. Then he twists, squishing me into the couch cushions with his back, essentially lying on top of me as he opens the small box. My ears burn when he pulls out the keychain, the small silver charm attached, a bear etched into the metal, standing on its hind legs, right below the sun. “It’s stupid,” I mumble. “Just, like…” I wave a hand around as he looks over his shoulder at me. “I don’t even know why I got it.”
He rolls off me and pulls me onto his lap. “I love it.” He hauls me forward by my nape, but pauses, mouth hovering above mine in question.
“Kiss me,” I whisper. “Please.”
The moment his lips touch mine, my sky explodes, fireworks that make the night glow. I sink into his touch, lips parting with a sigh, and his tongue sweeps inside, tentative, tender. He pulls back, kissing me once, twice more, then rests his forehead against mine, smiling.
“My turn.” Shifting me off his lap, he hands me the pink gift bag, dotted with gold foil hearts, the matching tissue paper, and chuckles, anxious and so utterly Garrett as he scratches his jaw. “I hope you like it.”
I pull out the first thing my fingers find below the tissue, a long, slim box, blushing velvet. The box creaks when I open it, and I trace the gold sunflower set on a dainty chain. “It’s beautiful, Garrett.”
“Open it,” he urges gently.
I pull the necklace from the box, turning the small flower between my fingers until I find the seam and coax it open. You are my sunshine is etched into one side, making me smile, but it’s the other side that brings out my gasp, has my heart leaping to my throat. Because my dad’s face and mine smile up at me.
“I know it’s not the same locket your dad got you. I tried to find it. I contacted the company, but they don’t make the same one anymore. So I got you this one because you’re my sunshine, and I think you were your dad’s too.”
I throw myself in his lap, knocking him to his back as tears blur my vision. “Thank you, Garrett. So much. This is the best gift ever.”