Something’s short-circuiting, and I think it’s my brain.
“I think you said…no, because you…Garrett, I think you accidentally just said—”
“I’m in love with you,” he finishes for me, which is great. Pretty sure we’re about to do that thing where we switch spots, where he becomes the confident one and me the mindless rambler.
I don’t know how it’s possible for my heart to beat as fast as it is, but there it goes, galloping away. My throat keeps squeezing, and I don’t know how to get my words out.
“Are you…Are you sure?”
“I’ve never been surer of anything.” His words are tender, like the fingers he presses to my jaw, forbidding me from looking away. “I love you, Jennie.”
Nobody’s ever loved me before, not like this. And to be loved by the only person I want to love me…I can’t wrap my head around it.
“Maybe you could, like…” I draw in a sniffle, rubbing furiously at my eye while gripping Garrett’s forearm so I don’t do something ridiculous, like fall straight to my ass. “Say it again.”
There’s that smile, breathtaking, goofy, just the right amount of arrogance. With my face in his hands, he sweeps the tears from below my eyes and whispers, “I love you.”
No. Nope. Now’s not the time for strange, choking sounds, Jennie. Be cool.
“Again?”
“I love you.” He presses a kiss to my cheek. “I love you.” The other cheek. “And once more, Jennie, for good measure. I fucking love you.”
“I’m not crying,” I cry. “Just in case you were wondering.” I choke out a pathetic sob. “It’s allergy season.”
“It’s February.”
“Shut up.”
Garrett laughs, pulling me into his embrace. He’s warm and solid, and I can’t wrap my head around how ferociously I missed him when he wasn’t even gone long.
“But what about Susie?”
He shifts back, holding my stare. “I took Susie outside, told her I was in love with the brunette who fell off her chair and then whacked her head off mine, but that I hadn’t even told her yet because I’m a dumbass. Then I said you’d call me a twat-waffle, not a dumbass.” Broad fingertips sweep over my cheekbone, brushing away wisps of hair. “There’s nobody else, Jennie. There never has been and never will be.”
“But why?”
He frowns. “Why do I love you?”
I nod. What does he see that no one else ever saw? What does he love that everyone else thought was too complicated, too time-consuming?
“Hmm.” He scoops me up and carries me to the kitchen island, setting me on top. He steps between my legs, bracketing my body with his hands on the countertop. “The short and simple answer is why not? There’s nothing I don’t love. But I think you need to know all the reasons, and I came prepared.” He winks, tapping his temple. “Got ’em locked up here in my Jennie bank.”
“Jennie bank?”
“Like spank bank, except all things Jennie.”
Giggling, I swipe the remainder of my allergies from my cheeks before slinging my arms over his shoulders. “Okay, have at it.”
“I love your toys.”
I shove him away. “Not a good start, you donkey.”
Laughing, he reclaims his spot between my legs, draping my arms around him again. “You didn’t let me finish. So impatient. I love that you took your satisfaction into your own hands. That you created boundaries for yourself and explored within them. I think it’s sexy, not because of what’s in your drawer, but because you’re not afraid to be the person who makes yourself feel good.”
“Good save, big guy.”
“Circling back to your impatience…I love that too. It’s not selfish or tiring, but the opposite. You’re so genuinely hyped up about so many things that you want to take them into your hands right away. It makes me want to experience everything with you. Your happiness is addicting.”
My face heats, teeth tugging at my lower lip. “Go on.”
“I wanted you to let me in so long ago.” He cups my cheek when my face falls at his quiet words. “Because I wanted to know everything, Jennie. Why you sometimes shut down on me, why you were against things like sex, and didn’t have many friends. But I realize now that’s not what I really wanted. You made me practice patience, and in doing so I learned to trust you, to trust myself a little more. Your walls were there for a reason, and you didn’t let me push you into tearing them down on my own schedule.”
He smiles. “I like that your walls were there. You committed to knowing yourself better than anyone before letting someone else in, and I admire that. So many people have shallow, empty relationships because they don’t really know themselves. But I only know you so well because you do, because you’re able to be unapologetically yourself.”
Hooking my legs around his hips, I tug him closer. “You think you know me?”
“Mhmm. You scream when you’re angry and cry when you’re sad. But you also cry when you’re angry and scream when you’re sad. You’re embarrassed when you cry because you think it makes you weak, but I think showing your soft side is strong and brave, and I wish more people did it, me included. You’re quiet when you’re overwhelmed or scared, and you hold my hand the most then too. You’re honest and loud and you’re your own biggest fan when it comes to dance, but I wish you were your biggest fan about all the other stuff too. Your favorite way to snuggle is with your cheek on my chest and your leg shoved between mine, and I think sharing Dunkaroos with you on the couch or getting my ass kicked on repeat to Just Dance is my favorite thing in the world. You make me laugh more than anyone ever has, and you have the oddest insults in the world and you—”
“Garrett?” I lay my hand on his cheek, guiding his gaze back to mine.
“Yeah?”
“How many more reasons do you have?”
He scratches his head. “Uh, I donno. I was going through all of them on the plane ride home today. It was six hours long, and I ran out of time.”
I snicker, because I believe it. Garrett’s painfully honest, if only because he’s the world’s shittiest liar. I don’t think he has the heart for it.
“Why were you on an airplane today? Where were you?”
He sets me on my feet and takes my hand, leading me to the couch where we sit together. He runs his fingers through his hair, looking lost, his expression pained, heavy, exhausted.
I rest my hand on his thigh. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, now it is. I think so, at least. I guess it started yesterday morning, on the flight home from Colorado. You came up in conversation, and Carter said you weren’t ready to date. Normally I blow off everything he says, but he said you told him you were happy alone, that you didn’t want anything to change or to be tied down to anyone. And you’re allowed to say that and feel it. We hadn’t talked about being anything else, but I guess with the date we were supposed to have tonight, I just thought that maybe…maybe you were ready.
“Then I lost Wi-Fi on the plane and I couldn’t text you, and by the time we landed, I had a bunch of missed calls from my sisters. My parents were fighting and my dad walked out with a bottle of booze. My sisters were scared and wanted me to come home, and the only person I wanted to talk to was you.” He peers at me from beneath his lashes. “I needed you, and you weren’t there.”
My chest tightens at the heartache in his voice. “I’m so sorry, Garrett.”
He shakes his head quickly. “Please don’t apologize. It’s not your fault, and I knew you were busy. But I let my fears get the best of me. I let myself think what we had meant more to me than it did to you.”