‘Oh God, no,’ Amber says. ‘Forget he even said it, please. We’re having such a lovely time and you’ve been brilliant to include us at all. The last thing I want is to outstay my welcome.’ She swiftly changes tack. ‘So, Vicky. Birthday girl tomorrow. How do you want to celebrate?’
I hadn’t realized it until this moment, but what with the bedroom fiasco and all the flirting, I’ve been longing for her to go. It’s hardly a surprise. It’s only natural that I should want Tom to myself. I raise my eyes to Amber’s and she smiles at me, a warm generous smile, full of fondness. It’s impossible not to return it.
‘We can drive to the beach, if you like,’ Tom says when I remain quiet. ‘Make a day of it.’
After that, although Amber and I contribute, the conversation and energy is disproportionately supplied and sustained by our husbands. The possible prolonging of their stay isn’t mentioned for a while but I sense it in the gaps in the conversation and the pauses; the air of expectation. I sit back, fingering the stem of my glass. I don’t have to wait long.
‘About what I said earlier.’ Robert looks round the table and his gaze lingers on me.
Tom is contorting himself in order to scratch his back. Amber reaches over and does it for him, over his shirt thankfully. I catch his eye and he has the grace to adjust his posture so that he’s less easily accessible.
‘This week has been great fun,’ I say. ‘But …’
‘Hasn’t it?’ Amber interrupts. ‘It’s so relaxed here and so wonderful having the children occupied.’ She beams. ‘If I have to get on the plane tomorrow, I won’t mind at all, but if you could bear to have us with you for another week, it would be amazing. I’d have your company and the girls would have each other for a few more days.’
To my horror she wipes a tear from her eye and Tom is thrown into knightly confusion.
‘Why are you so upset?’ he asks, and I can see he genuinely wants to know.
‘Sorry. It’s only that these last few days I’ve felt like I really belong. You and Vicky, you’re like a brother and sister to me.’ Apologizing again, she wipes her eyes on a paper napkin. ‘Ignore me, I’m being ridiculous.’
‘You’re not,’ Tom says. ‘Listen, it’s no trouble at all. In fact, it would be a pleasure to have you stay until the end.’
Oh, Tom.
‘Thank you, Tom,’ she breathes and then looks at me. ‘I’ll swap rooms with you, Vicky. There’s no point me rattling around in that enormous bed without my husband.’
I get up and begin clearing the plates. It’s a fait accompli and I have to admire their skill in managing it. Ah well, the children will be happy at least. Maybe she could babysit them while Tom and I go out for a romantic meal. The thought cheers me.
‘So,’ Tom says. ‘That’s settled. Anyway, I’ve arranged a birthday surprise for Vicky tomorrow, so it would be lovely if Amber and Sophie are still here.’
June 1992
THEY SAT AT the kitchen table; Maggie Parrish and Sally Bryant opposite Luke and Katya. Maggie had a file open in front of her and was leafing through it. Luke looked thoughtful and Sally concerned and tired. For once Maggie was wearing a suit.
‘Katya, what do you have to say?’ she asked gently.
Before she could respond Sally said, ‘It’s not that we’re not very fond of you, love, but I’ve got a lot on my plate right now and I can’t be worrying about where you are all hours of the day. I have a duty of care.’
‘Katya?’ Maggie repeats.
But Katya didn’t want to speak. Not with Sally and Luke there. She shook her head and looked down.
‘You were doing so well. Why have you started skipping school again? Are you being bullied?’
‘No.’
Sally shrugged. ‘She’s like this all the time now. I can’t get a sensible word out of her.’
‘OK,’ Maggie sighed. ‘Perhaps we’d better start looking for an alternative. What a shame.’ She tapped her pen on a sheet of paper, making it bounce up and down. ‘I’ll make some calls. But in the meantime, are you happy to keep Katya? I don’t want to put her into a children’s home unless it’s absolutely necessary.’
‘How long do you think?’ Sally leant forward and took Katya’s hand, preventing her from picking at her scabs. ‘I’m so sorry, love. Please don’t think it’s your fault.’
She turned back to Maggie, pleading to be understood. It felt to Katya like she was trying to get rid of an obligation without looking bad.
‘And there’s my sister too. She has terminal cancer and I should be seeing more of her.’
Sally started to weep quietly and Katya was horrified by the mess it made of her face.
‘Sorry. Sorry. I feel such a failure. We did so much want it to work.’
Luke turned to his wife. ‘You tried, love. Don’t beat yourself up.’
Katya glanced at Maggie to see how she was taking this but her face was impassive as she closed the file.
‘So we’ll leave it like that. I’ll give you a ring in a week or so and let you know what I come up with. Katya, I expect you to behave. Go to school and come back home at the right time. It’s not fair to give these kind people so much worry when they only want to look after you and make you happy.’
Katya stared at her so hard that Maggie blinked and looked away. She wanted her to understand, but it was obvious that Maggie didn’t see or hear what she didn’t want to see or hear. She thought Katya was bad, not good enough to breathe the same air as her daughter, and not only that, she also thought the sun shone out of Luke Bryant’s bum, so it was only to be expected. Katya wondered what would happen if she said something now. She could. She could look up and say, Luke won’t leave me alone. He touches me where he shouldn’t and he had sex with her. And let the shit hit the fan. She was too much of a coward though.
Overwhelmed by resentment, she scraped her chair back, stormed out of the room and slammed into her bedroom, flinging herself down on the bed. She raged against Sally for being so thick and blind, against Linda for failing her, against Maggie for showing her what it was she should have had in a mother, and then letting her down. Why did no one care about her enough to understand? The injustice of it made her feel sick.
From behind the door she heard Maggie getting ready to go. When she knocked, Katya turned her face to the wall. Maggie came in and sat down beside her and placed her hand on her shoulder.
‘Don’t worry, lovely. Everything will be fine.’
‘Go away!’
Katya waited until she’d left the house before peeking out of the window. Luke was outside, watching Maggie’s car drive off, but he turned away well before the car was out of sight. On his way back up the path he saw her in the window and winked.
25
Saturday, 3 April 2010