I am immediately riled. ‘Give me credit for some sensitivity,’ I say and stomp off.
Sophie’s suitcase is in the twin where a camp bed has already been set up and made comfortable, so there’s nothing to complain about there. Tom goes for the rest of our things while I check out the kitchen to see what our guests have managed in the way of food shopping. There’s very little and what there is looks as though they brought it with them. A couple of Sainsbury’s bags lie scrunched up on the side. The kitchen isn’t tidy; there are crumbs on the table and a saucepan and two mugs left to soak in the sink. A buttery knife lies on the edge. Children’s voices, piping and merry, float in through the window. I decide to ignore the mess and join them. To clean up would be to make a point and I’m not going to begin our holiday on a sour note. I leave Tom getting changed and go back outside.
Robert is still in the pool, three little girls attached to him like baby monkeys. He throws them off one at a time and they explode out of the water, screaming for more. Polly is easily as proficient as Emily. Sophie, though, is a fish. But then Amber, who can’t swim, has always taken her daughter’s swimming extremely seriously. She was having lessons at six months.
‘Aren’t you hot?’ Amber asks, glancing at me.
She has Josh on her lap. He’s been smeared with suntan lotion and is wearing nothing except his nappy and his body is deliciously chubby, his tummy as round as a Buddha’s. I roll my jeans up to my knees, choose the shadiest lounger and lean back into the cushions. Even under the parasol the sun penetrates through the fabric of my clothes and heats my skin. It feels amazing and slowly the tension slides from my shoulders.
‘Bliss, isn’t it?’ Amber says.
‘Mm. Amber …’ I pause. This is awkward. She glances at me but her attention is really on Josh who is at his most giggly. ‘It’s just, that bedroom …’
‘What about it?’ She blows an impressive raspberry against Josh’s stomach. He thinks it’s hilarious.
‘Well, that’s the master bedroom. I wouldn’t say anything, except, this is Tom’s holiday too and he is paying, after all.’
Instead of answering Amber bounces Josh on his toes against her thighs. She puts on a baby voice that sends a trickle of unease down my spine.
‘This little boy thinks Mummy’s being mean.’
‘Amber …’
‘This little boy hasn’t forgotten he was all by himself.’
‘Stop it.’ Despite myself, I become tearful. I reach for Josh but she holds him away from me.
‘This little boy says the least Mummy can do is make sure Auntie Amber is happy.’
At that point I leap up and practically snatch him from her. Shaking with fury, I’m about to counter with something equally pointed when Tom appears. He’s wearing shorts, a pale-blue linen shirt with the sleeves rolled up and leather flip-flops.
‘Hey.’ He bends over Amber and kisses her cheek. ‘Nice to see you’ve made yourself at home. I’m going to go and do some shopping. Any requests?’
‘The nearest shops are in the village you came through,’ she says. ‘There’s nothing within walking distance. We would have hired a car, only it just seemed like a waste of money when all we want is a week vegging by the pool.’
I’ve been watching her as she speaks, noticing that she’s fidgeting, scratching lightly at the tiny scars on the back of her hand. Tom comes to her rescue, telling her she’s absolutely right. Why waste good money that could be spent on important things like paint stripper and a pair of overalls.
‘I’ll come to the village with you,’ Amber says, holding out her hand so that he can pull her up. ‘I need a change of scene. You and Robert can keep an eye on the girls. I’ll nip inside and get dressed.’
‘But I …’
‘We won’t be long,’ Tom says.
Before I can protest or even think of a way of doing so without appearing to be jealous, they vanish round the side of the house. A few minutes later the car door slams, the engine starts and they drive away with a jaunty toot of the horn.
Tom says, next time we’re alone, ‘So you didn’t mention the bedroom to her?’
I don’t look at him when I shrug. I continue unpacking the shopping. ‘No, it didn’t seem worth it in the end.’ I close the fridge door and turn to him with a smile. ‘It’s a First World problem.’ I came up with that earlier, while they were out.
Tom leans back in his chair and reaches for my hand. ‘It’s only you I was worried about. I’m a bloke. I don’t care where I sleep.’
He pulls me on to his knee and I curl my arms round his neck. ‘Prince Charming.’
‘Remember India? Sleeping on the beach.’
‘How could I forget?’
‘It was fucking uncomfortable!’ He grins. ‘Didn’t get a wink.’
June 1992
MAGGIE SAID SHE’D come to sports day and cheer Katya on if she managed to get away, but she couldn’t promise anything because she had a busy morning. Katya hated thinking about her with other children and when they filed out of the school and down to the playing fields, she deliberately didn’t look out for her. Sally had to sleep, but Luke was there, looking handsome in chinos and a white shirt, the sleeves pushed up his forearms. He was surrounded by pretty young mothers in summer dresses hanging on his every word like he was some sort of god. He waved and she annoyed herself by waving back.
Katya was roped to Gabriella Brady in the three-legged race when she spotted Maggie and mis-stepped, bringing the two of them to the ground.
‘Katya!’ Gabriella yelled. ‘Now look what you’ve done!’
They disentangled themselves and started again and Maggie, who had clapped her hand across her mouth in dismay, shouted encouragement.
‘Well done you!’ she said as the girls flopped down on the grass to catch their breath. Katya undid the knot and Gabriella, freed, ran off without a backwards glance. Katya thought she probably hated her after that.
‘We didn’t win,’ she said.
‘It doesn’t matter. I am so proud of you.’
Maggie hugged her like the other mothers were hugging their kids. She was wearing more make-up than usual and looked better, almost beautiful. Like she had that day she caught her in the house with Luke. It made Katya watchful. She tried to keep herself apart, concerned that people were wondering about their relationship, embarrassed by the way Maggie acted around Luke. She reminded Katya of Gabriella, who turned into an idiot whenever any of the boys were nearby.
After the long jump, which she came third in, Katya hung out with a group of girls while their parents organized picnic lunches, flapping out rugs and spreading them on the dry, patchy grass. It hadn’t rained in weeks. Maggie and Luke were sitting side by side, an unpacked basket at their feet, but she didn’t approach them. She watched Maggie fiddling with the hem of her skirt where her toes peeked out. Her toenails were varnished dark red.