Survival wasn’t pretty.
I noticed Bug was hanging around the side of the counter, only feet away from the clerk. He casually reached around and grabbed a couple packs of cigarettes and a few lighters, stuffing them in his pockets. He was being incredibly obvious and I couldn’t believe the clerk hadn’t noticed.
I hurried out of the store, trying not to be noticed as I loitered by the door. I stuffed my hands in my pockets and leaned against the brick building, going for casual.
The grocery store door flew open and I had to step away to avoid getting hit in the face.
Bug grabbed my arm and pulled me down the sidewalk. “Come on, let’s go!” He was laughing hysterically, his pockets bulging with stolen cigarettes and lighters.
Karla was all but skipping down the street, eating a bag of chips. I stopped, yanking my arm from Bug’s grasp. “We have to wait for the others. Where’s Yoss?”
I started to feel panicky. Had they gotten busted? What if the police were called? What would happen to Yoss then?
What would happen to me?
Just as I was about to go back to find out where he was, Shane, Di, and Yoss walked casually from the shop, laughing and talking as if they hadn’t just lifted as much food as they could carry.
Yoss glanced my way and saw the distress on my face. He came to my side in an instant, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
“When Bug and Karla came out without you, I thought—”
Yoss laughed and kissed me. I loved kissing him. Even when I was upset. Especially when I was upset. “You thought that wank job in there called the cops? Shit, he was too busy rubbing one out behind the counter after Karla left. Fucking filthy bastard.” He casually lit a cigarette and took a drag, blowing out the smoke in hazy rings.
Karla shrugged, stuffing more chips in her mouth. “So what did you guys get?” she asked as the group of us headed away from the store.
I looked back over my shoulder, certain I’d see police swarming the store, looking for the group of kids who had just stolen their weight in junk food and soda. But it was dead, just like it had been when we arrived.
Di pulled out a packet of powdered donuts and tossed it to Karla. “My favorites!” the pretty girl exclaimed, dropping the now empty chip bag on the ground.
“I got ya something, Imi,” Bug piped up.
“I told you he was trying to butter you up,” Yoss muttered.
Bug handed me a bar of chocolate in a brown wrapper and I grinned. “You got me a Snickers bar?”
Bug grinned. “I told you I’d get you one. So there you go. Snickers bar just for you.”
I clutched the chocolate to my chest, feeling strangely touched by his gesture. Bug was a sweet guy. And just like the rest of our group, he looked out for everyone else. They were family. They may not be blood, but out here, our bond was thicker than that.
We finally got to the park and wandered over to the picnic tables by the playground. I remembered playing in that same sandbox when I was kid. When my mother was feeling somewhat maternal she’d buy me ice cream and let me play until it was dark. Long after the other children had gone home for supper and bed, my mother let me play and play.
Her sense of responsibility had always been questionable, but there were times she had been so much fun.
I realized that I missed her.
It hit me hard.
I hadn’t expected that. Not after everything that had happened. I had been full of betrayal and rage that there hadn’t been any room for other emotions towards her.
But now, with the benefit of time, I was starting to feel other things for my absent parental figure. Things that were harder for me to handle. I didn’t want to miss her. I didn’t want to remember the good things. I didn’t want to wish for those few times she seemed to actually love me.
Yoss bumped my shoulder with his. “Hey, you okay?” he asked. He had an uncanny ability to know when I wasn’t.
I shrugged. “Just thinking,” I said.
“About what?” he prompted.
“My mom.” I grimaced. “I shouldn’t though. It’ll just put me in a bad mood.”
Yoss’s eyes darkened. “I think about my dad a lot too. Sometimes I even miss him.”
He read me so well.
“They don’t deserve for us to miss them,” I replied bitterly.
Yoss smoothed my hair back from my face. “Maybe not, but it’s okay to miss them. It’s okay to still love them. I’d rather know I was capable of loving someone who doesn’t deserve it than close my heart off even a little bit.”
“You really do sound like a self-help book sometimes, you know that?” I teased.
“Well, you should listen to my sage wisdom, then,” he chuckled.
Di and Karla headed off towards the pool and Shane joined a pickup basketball game on the courts. Bug stretched out on the ground and promptly fell asleep.
“I swear he can sleep anywhere.” I snickered as Bug began to snore.