“Some people don’t have a choice. But Bug does. And that shit will kill him,” Yoss said softly.
Di patted him on the back. “Let it go, man. You’ve got your girl beside you. It’s a beautiful day. We’re going to a fucking carnival. Don’t let Bug’s bullshit ruin it.”
Yoss squeezed my hand, taking another drag of his cigarette, and my heart felt full despite the knot I felt in my stomach about Bug.
Di had just called me Yoss’s girl.
Is that what I was?
Was I Yoss’s girl?
“You’re right.” Yoss beamed his pretty smile down at me and even though there were a hundred things to feel bad about, right then everything felt right.
“Were you planning to leave us behind? Seriously?” Karla called out. She and Shane scrambled up the side of the hill, joining us.
“Can you keep your charming personality in check?” Di asked with a healthy dose of sarcasm. I snorted and then coughed to cover it up.
Yoss nudged me with his elbow. “Hey, none of that,” he whispered, his mouth close to my ear. f I turned my head right then, our lips would meet. What would he do if I kissed him first?
Would he pull away? Would he kiss me back?
Was I really his girl?
Karla stuck out her tongue and hurried to Yoss’s other side. “You doing to the carnival?”
“That’s the plan,” Yoss told her.
“Cool. I know a guy who’s working the cotton candy booth. I bet he’ll give us some for free,” she said sweetly.
“I bet I can figure out how she knows him,” Di muttered under her breath, rolling her eyes.
Karla ignored her.
“That sounds awesome.” Yoss dropped his cigarette onto the ground and then put his arm around her bony shoulders. I tried not to get jealous. It was hard when I noticed the dreamy smile on Karla’s face.
The center of town was teeming with people. I could smell the carnival before I saw it. Fried food and sugar.
It was an annual tradition. I remember as a child begging my mother to take me. If she were in a particularly good mood, we would go.
I recalled sticky faces and my stomach flipping over as I screamed and screamed on the Scrambler. My mom used to take sadistic delight in making me get on rides that made me nauseated.
I couldn’t help but feel excited though. There was something about the sound of rigged games, the dirt on your shoes as you walked the midway, the press of the crowd as they pushed their way to the next ride that made me feel like a kid again.
“Come on, let’s head over there.” Yoss pointed to a low overhang of trees on the edge of the carnival.
“Imogen, Di, and I could try charming the hottie at the gate,” Karla suggested.
The “hottie” was a middle-aged guy with more hair than teeth, and that wasn’t saying much.
“Come on, Karla.” Di grabbed her arm and pulled her along with the rest of us.
Yoss glanced around and quickly took off his shirt, laying it over the fence. I tried not to stare at his lean, tanned frame.
Like the rest of us, Yoss was skinny. I could see the outline of his ribs underneath his skin but he was beautiful despite that. My mouth became uncomfortably dry and I wasn’t the only one staring. Karla was grinning suggestively.
“Just hop over,” Yoss instructed. Shane was first. He climbed over with little effort. Di followed him. Then Karla. She struggled a little and conveniently had to hold onto Yoss.
“You coming, Imi? I can’t hold the fence down forever.” Yoss laughed and I scrambled over the barbed wire. My hand pressed into his chest as I used him to leverage myself up and over.
It was only when I was close that I saw the scars. Lots of them. I had seen a few around his neck and collarbone, but it was nothing compared to what was hidden by his clothes.
Long, jagged lines. Small, white circles. Crisscrosses over his chest. On his back.
Up and down his arms.
He was a patchwork of pain.
My fingers recoiled at the feel of the rough skin and I hated myself for it. Because Yoss noticed and the guilt was overwhelming.
“It’s okay. Some of them have been there a long time,” he whispered, his eyes heartbreaking.
“I didn’t mean—”
“Hurry up! Are you guys just going to hang out by the fence all day?” Karla complained.
I waited for Yoss to climb over and he quickly put his shirt back on, hiding his scars once again.
“Let’s go,” Yoss said. He pulled out a small wad of cash from his pocket. “We can even get some tickets to go on the rides.”
I didn’t want to use that money. But I couldn’t tell him no. I didn’t want to hurt him. Not ever.
“Sounds good,” I told him, relieved when he took my hand again.
For the next hour, the five of us had a great time. Karla was able to flirt her way onto the Ferris wheel, and the rest of us got free rides too. We scored some cotton candy and caramel apples from the guy Karla had mentioned earlier. He certainly leered at her as though he knew her well enough.