I was there the day she left for college. I had tried to breathe around the lump in my throat as I watched her load up a beat up Toyota with boxes and suitcases. I stood on the sidewalk until she drove from sight.
I could have left then; content in the knowledge that she was out there, living the life I wanted for her.
But I couldn’t leave the last place we had been together. I was a sentimental schmuck.
So I was still there the day she came back and settled.
I saw she and her mother unloading boxes and taking them inside. For just a brief moment I contemplated going to her. Telling her I was still there. That I’d always been there.
She had gone inside her mother’s home and I watched the older woman come back out and head to the car.
I stepped out of the shadows and walked slowly towards the house, not sure what I was going to say.
Her mother stopped and looked at me. “Can I help you?”
“I—” I looked up towards the house, wishing Imogen would come outside. I was desperate to see her. I was tired of staying away.
“Are you looking for Imi?” her mother asked, still watching me.
“How is she?” I asked, choking on a question I had no right to ask.
Her mother’s expression was hesitant. “She’s good. Really good. Just graduated from college. Got a job at the hospital in town.”
I smiled. I felt good again.
She frowned. “Are you a friend of Imi’s? I can go get her—”
“No. We’re not friends. I just remember her from a long time ago.” Lies. Careful and important. “Don’t mention I was here. She won’t remember me anyway.”
“Okay. Well, take care,” her mother said, dismissing me. Already forgetting I was there.
And it was just as well.
I slid back into the shadows of Imi’s life. I had to be content there.
Watching.
Reminding myself that she was better off without me.
That my decision to leave her was the right one.
I was there on her first day of work. Smiling and wearing a soft pink blouse and grey skirt.
I watched when she moved into her own place.
And the day she got married.
She wore a floor length sleeveless gown and carried daisies. Her hair was down and I noticed she still wore the necklace I had given her. She carried a piece of me, of our life together, even as she said vows to another man.
I also saw the day the asshole left her. I noticed she didn’t cry. Not one tear. And that made me incredibly glad. Because my selfish heart was reassured that she had never really belonged to anyone else.
I saw it all.
And she never knew that in all those years, my soul was always, forever hers.
As my days dwindled into nothing, she was my constant.
She had no idea that everything I was would always revolve around her.
That when things were at their bleakest, she had always been, would always be, my happy life.
Three years later
“And the prince got down on one knee and asked the princess to marry him. When she looked at him she remembered the boy who had taken care of her and kept her safe in a world of many dangers. He made her happier than she ever thought she could possibly be.”
“And she said, yes!” the tiny, impatient voice cut in excitedly.
“Well, let me finish, Ava. You’re the one that wanted to hear this story again.” I pulled the little girl up into my lap. She squealed as the waves came up and washed over our feet. The sun was starting to set but we weren’t in a rush to leave the beach.
Not just yet.
Ava loved the beach so we came as often as we could.
“Because it’s my favorite. Even if the boy is silly for running away from the girl, he found her again and they lived happily ever after,” Ava burst out, a bright smile on her pretty face.
I kissed my adopted daughter’s dark brown curls. “Do you want to finish it?” I asked her and she shook her head.
“No, you tell it the best.”
“Okay, well the handsome prince with the dark hair and green eyes took the princess’s hand and kissed it and she knew that they would have their happy life. That everything they had always wanted would be theirs. So she said yes. It was the perfect answer for the start of a perfect life.” Ava wiggled, wanting to get up and play in the sand.
She plopped down beside me, scooping up a handful and dropping it in front of her.
“I love that story. It’s my favorite. It’s really sad in the beginning when the princess runs away from home, but the prince finds her and takes care of her even though he’s disguised as a beggar. And they fall in love and everything!” I handed Ava the shovel and watched as she dug a hole in the sand, which was quickly filling up with the rising tide.
“But the ending’s the best. Because they live happily ever after. All good stories end with a happily ever after,” Ava said with a silly smile on her face.
“Tell it again!” she pleaded and I laughed, never able to deny anything to the six year old that had healed the last wound on my scarred heart.
“Should I tell a different one this time?” I asked her, wiggling my toes in the sand.
“As long as it’s about Yoss and Imi. That’s your name too, Mommy,” Ava announced with the brightest of bright smiles.