I WIPED a stray tear and rolled my eyes to the back of my head for a second. How the hell could something written so many years ago still matter to me? Well, that answer, that was easy. Because it was so real and sincere. That’s what King always brought to me. Even when things didn’t work after that wild summer. He sort of moved on. I sort of moved on. But our paths always crossed. I always knew if I needed him he would be there. One phone call and King would be there to do anything I needed.
Right up until it all stopped.
His brother was murdered and that’s when King lost his edge for good.
I saw the life in front of me, the one that Aunt Jane lived. I thought I could escape it, but I missed the one element of it all. The reason why Aunt Jane slept around and bounced in and out of relationships was because of comfort. Because she knew who her true love was and knew she’d never find him again. That’s exactly what King meant to me.
But it could never happen now.
He was gone.
I was trying to convince myself to stay committed to Nelson.
“Nelson,” I whispered.
As if the guy could read my mind, my phone vibrated with a text that he was on his way over. I quickly put the letter away in the box of letters I kept from King. I slid it back under my bed and climbed to my feet. I took my wine out to the living room and tried to play everything off as normal.
I guess everyone had secrets, at least in their own little world. At least that’s how I believed it to be. I grew up in a world of secrets, Aunt Jane sometimes being straight with me, but most of the time trying to take care of herself. Not that I could blame her. She wasn’t meant to be my mother. The role fell into her lap and she took it.
Nelson knocked on the door.
At least I still had that. The fact that he knocked instead of just coming right inside, assuming the place was his. I told him I couldn’t leave the apartment because of my lease. He offered to help me get out of it but I told him no.
I opened the door and looked at him.
He wasn’t the one. He wasn’t the second, third, fourth… he wasn’t even in the race.
“Hey you,” he said with a grin.
“Nelson,” I said. “Look… I had a really bad day at work. I should have called you but I know you don’t listen unless we’re face to face.”
He looked perplexed. “What do you mean?”
“I just want to be alone right now,” I said.
“Seriously?”
“I’ve tried talking to you before…”
“I can’t even come in? My own woman won’t let me come in?”
“Please don’t make this like this. I don’t want to argue.”
“Lindsey, all we ever do anymore is argue,” Nelson said. “What’s going on with you? Are you seeing someone else?”
King’s letters popped into my mind.
“No,” I said. “I wouldn’t do that…”
My words were flat. Because if King were somehow able to crash back into my life, nobody could compete with that.
I needed self-control.
I needed to see who was in front of me. Far from perfect but at least he was present.
Nelson backed up, putting his hands up. “Fine. Whatever you want to do.”
I grabbed for him, but he shook me away. “Just wait a second.”
“What? What can you possibly have to say right now?”
My mouth opened but I had nothing. All that would come out was lies. Complete and total lies. I would say whatever needed to be said to make him happy. To make him feel good about himself. To attempt and convince myself that we were going to be okay.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Nelson said. He backed away some more. “Tell you what, Lindsey, I’m going to just bounce. When you need me, you’ll call me. And I’ll probably be dumb enough to show up and give a shit.”
Nelson walked away, leaving me with my jaw dropped.
I turned to face my lonely apartment and thought about crying.
Instead, I went back to my room and read more of the letters from King.
5
(King) *NOW*
I FACED the mirror and saw that my face was healing pretty damn good. The beating Johnny ordered on me was busted up by two other guards. Mick and Hank were on my side, whatever the fuck that meant. They roughed up the thugs that had beat me down and then they set their sights on Johnny. Words were exchanged but nothing happened to him.
They helped me up and together, everyone came up with a decent enough story that I was given some more freedoms in prison. I had a new cell in a new block. It was like a luxury upgrade with more leg room, less noise, and the smell of piss and sweat was pretty minimal. Shit, that alone was worth the beating I took.
I touched the corner of my eye and I flinched. I was worried a bone had been broken but it seemed to be fixing itself up just fine.
Johnny sent me a needle everyday, still tempting me to kill myself.
That was just how life was for me.
No matter how dark it all got, I still thought about the Reap every damn day. I heard through the channels in prison that my boy Knox had demanded the old table get back together. Leather cuts and all. I heard that Slam, Noah, Matteo, Elijah, Ari, and Liam were all at the table, all part of the crew. And that Uncle Jakey was still sitting at the head of the table, swinging the old gavel. It was amazing how they put up walls, fences, and barbed wire, yet I still knew damn near everything that was going on outside.
With the exception of one person… her.
I heard a whistle behind me.
I turned and Mick stood there. “Let’s get you for a walk. Some outside time.”