He walked by me, smirking at me, like he conquered something amazing. Aunt Jane reached for D and squeezed his wrist.
“I’m sure I’ll see you around,” she whispered.
I had to admit, even after all those years, it still made my stomach flip to see my aunt in the zone, as she always called it.
D left the house through the kitchen.
Aunt Jane looked at me with a smirk on her face.
“Do I want to know?”
“Probably not. But he kept chasing me down. He literally ran alongside me as I was driving yesterday. Then he tried to get in front of me. Like he wanted me to run him over. So I caved.”
“You caved?” I asked.
“Sure. If you saw the size of his dick…”
“TMI,” I said. “I don’t need to hear this. Plus, weren’t you the one that said it doesn’t matter how big it is but how it’s used?”
“Of course,” Aunt Jane said. Then she smiled bigger. “But I was the one using it. He just stayed there on his back and for a little while, he was my favorite toy.”
I cringed. But that’s what Aunt Jane did. After shit hit the fan with Jim, she divorced him and moved in with a friend. We stayed in the basement of a house for about a year as she worked double and triple shifts to save up enough to buy a small house. Like I said, for as flaky as she was, she always made sure to provide for me. Maybe not that deep mother-daughter bond, but she took care of me.
“What about you?” Aunt Jane asked. “You don't look like someone who got laid last night. Mind if I smoke?”
“Mind if I have one too?” I asked.
Aunt Jane raised an eyebrow. “That bad?”
“Between work and everything else…”
“Let’s start with the everything else,” Aunt Jane. “Nelson. You don’t love him, do you?”
“Not like he loves me,” I said.
“There’s no stages of love in a relationship,” Aunt Jane said. “You’re either in or out. You’re either cooking me breakfast in the morning or you’re like D, kicked out of the house without breakfast.”
“Fine. I don’t love him.”
“I knew that from day one. He was a convenient distraction.”
“You should talk.”
“This isn’t about me,” Aunt Jane said. “Don’t get mean.”
“Sorry,” I said. I sipped my sugary coffee and enjoyed the beautiful taste.
“So what else is on your mind?”
“I was reading letters last night.”
“The letters from Kingston?”
“Yes.”
“You still have those?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because they’re my memories,” I said. “They mean something to me. I can’t just throw them out. They meant a lot to me. I really loved him.”
“I know you did. I’m so sorry the way everything happened. But you know we can’t go back in time. We can only go forward. You know, you may not be my daughter but you sure have my spirit.” Aunt Jane stood up and walked to the sink. “You don’t like to be alone. You think you’re going to end up alone for the rest of your life, don’t you?”
“Isn’t that a credible fear?”
“Of course it is,” Aunt Jane said. “But life works in weird ways.”
“Like some horny twenty-two year old jumping in front of you…”
“For the record,” Aunt Jane said. “He’s twenty-three. And he has a degree in sports management.”
“Wow. Good for him. Good for you.”
“I can’t give you advice on love,” Aunt Jane said. “I never have and I never will. Look at all I’ve done. I’m not the one to give you advice. But look at what you know. You’ve got a guy in Nelson who you say does love you. The man you truly have feelings for is gone away for forever. So you need to figure that part out in your mind.”
“I know. Maybe I should just end it with Nelson once and for all. I don’t want to lead him on or hurt him. I just wish I had closure on so much stuff in life. Sometimes I can let it go. Sometimes I can’t. Sometimes it just eats at me so bad.”
“You’re talking about Kingston.”
“Of course. There was so much between us. On and off. It was like we just weren’t ever meant to be together. No matter how strong we felt about each other.”
“That’s how it goes sometimes,” Aunt Jane said. “Maybe you can learn from me. Push through it and find something bigger and better in life.” She spun around. “Now, can we drop the emotional talk? Can I tell you about the size of D’s dick?”
She put her hands together and slowly started to move them apart, not stopping, even beyond a length that was humanly impossible.
“That’s where I’m done with all conversation,” I said.
Aunt Jane made me put my coffee mug in the sink, just like she always did when I was younger. She had the day off of work and planned on sleeping the day away with movies and some pot. No lie. That was her way of relaxing. I couldn’t fault her for it. She wasn’t hurting anyone. She paid her bills. She did her thing.
And for me, my thing was all over the place.
Thinking about Nelson, life, work, money, and thinking about King.
There was no chance I’d ever see King again though.
All the dreams. All the promises. They were fluttering further away from me, dreams that never came true.