Her mouth dropped slightly.
“It wouldn’t be enough for me to tell you that I was sorry, that I was a stupid kid when I took the deal the first time. You think you weren’t enough to hold me, that I needed more—that I needed the Renegades. But that wasn’t the full reason. I’m sorry I made choices for you that I had no right to, but it was because I felt that I wasn’t good enough for you. You, who risked everything for me—turning down Dartmouth, walking away from the Renegades, your parents, everything you knew. I couldn’t let you walk away from an Ivy League education, from the life I knew you deserved—not when I had just lost my sponsorship and had no way to even take care of you. Your dad offered me a way to fix everything that I’d broken. All I saw was a way to give everyone back what they lost…except me. I put my heart in a box and became a shell until I found you again.”
She looked away, and I forged ahead, knowing I had to drive it home, that I couldn’t go halfway with Rachel. She demanded everything, because that’s what she gave.
“I knew it wouldn’t be enough to tell you these things, that I will walk away from this life if it’s what you need to believe that there’s nothing more important to me than you.”
Her eyes jerked back to mine, widening with each word I spoke.
“So I’m showing you. I canceled Nepal.”
“Landon, no.” She shook her head softly, just enough to move her hair.
“Yes. There is nowhere else on this earth that I’d rather be than here with you, and this is the only way I could think to prove it to you.”
Watching her walls crumble was beautiful. Her mouth softened along with her eyes. But with the fortress down, I saw the pain there, how much I’d put her through.
“I don’t…” She shook her head and then rested her forehead in her palm for a moment while she composed herself. “This is all…amazing, Landon. But I don’t know if I can trust you again.”
I ignored the stabbing pain in the vicinity of my heart and nodded. “I get that. And I’m going to spend every moment of the rest of my life proving that you can. From now on you are my only priority. Everything else comes second. I’d rather have one of your kisses than win any competition, free ride any mountain, or even have a Renegade name. I’m yours to do with what you will.”
Her teeth sank into her lower lip, and I would have given everything else I had to kiss it free, to show her with my body how perfect we were for each other, how nothing else would ever compare.
“And you’re not kidnapped,” I told her with a small laugh. “The pilot is under your command. Wherever you want to go, we’ll go, which includes turning the plane around and leaving me in Hong Kong while you head to Seoul.”
She tilted her head like she was considering it, and I almost regretted those words. But I was done making decisions for her. I needed her to choose me just as badly as she needed to be able to trust me.
“But I’d really like to do this with you,” I requested softly.
It felt like eons while she weighed her options, but I sat there quietly and waited. I’d learned my lesson when it came to pushing Rachel.
Finally, she looked at me and lifted her chin slightly.
“Okay. You can come.”
Every muscle in my body relaxed as I sank back against the seat. “Okay.”
She gave me a tentative smile. “And thank you. For the plane. For arranging it all when you didn’t have to.”
Of course I’d arranged it. I wanted to see where my future wife had been born, the place she’d spent her earliest months. But I also knew she wasn’t ready for that future, not now…maybe not for years. I knew it with the same certainty that told me she was the only woman I would ever love, ever need enough to give up everything—even the Renegades—for.
So I swallowed back the giant ball of emotions too numerous to be named and nodded. “Anything for you.”
I just prayed she knew that I meant it.
Chapter Thirty-One
Rachel
Korea
“Are you sure this is right?” I asked, the giant map taking over most of my view of the rural road. We were about an hour outside Seoul, which meant we were close. Supposedly.
“Nope.” His answer was way too chipper. “Penna supplied the directions, and she could be getting back at me for any myriad of transgressions.”
I snorted. “Great. You just watch out for mudslides, and I’ll try to figure out where we’re at.”
He leaned over the steering wheel of the little SUV. “Blue skies, bright sun, no rain, no mud. We’re in the clear.”
“You forget,” I said, trailing my finger down the skinny line of the road on the map. “You’re traveling with the curse.”
He swerved onto the shoulder and hit the brakes.
“For fuck’s sake, Landon!” I shouted, catching myself on the dash even though my seat belt locked me into place.
He ripped the map down, more furious than I’d ever seen him. “Enough! You’re not a damned curse.”
I rolled my eyes at his bluster. “Maybe we’re the curse.”
His hands flexed on the wheel, and he took a deep breath, his eyes showing an unspoken battle.
Then he lurched across the console, grasped the back of my head, and pulled me into his kiss. His mouth opened over mine, his tongue demanding entrance, and in my surprise, I gave it to him.
Two seconds later, I melted, unable to resist the effect he had on my body, my heart. He kissed me breathless, until my tongue was as wild in his mouth as his was in mine, until I clutched the fabric of his shirt in my fists.
Then he let me go.
I blinked at him, dazed and more than a little turned on.
“Does that feel cursed?” he asked.
I touched my fingers to my lips. “Sometimes.”
He sighed in exasperation.
“Sometimes I hate the control you have over my body, the way I melt for no one else but you. But no, it’s not a curse.”
He relaxed in his seat, checked the mirrors, and pulled back onto the empty road. “Well, okay then.”
I hid my smile with the map and shook my head. As much as I hated loving him, it was pretty much a foregone conclusion in my life. And as much as I didn’t trust him, I also couldn’t ignore that he’d given up Nepal for me.
He’d been right—showing me was the only way he could earn that trust back.
And he was doing a damn good job of it.
“Left up there,” I told him after I figured out just where we were on the map.
He made the turn, and we were on an even more rural road, had that been possible. The hills rose up across the fields from us, but I saw the outline of a town ahead.
“You ready for this?” he asked.
“No,” I answered truthfully. “But it seems like it would be a shame to turn around and go home at this point.”
“Truth.”
My stomach tied itself in knots as we crossed the river and entered the small town. Everything was gray, but I didn’t know if that was normal or a consequence of the cold January weather.