He sighed, and I nearly cheered in victory when he stood, but then he took the desk next to mine and sat down. Seriously? The guy hadn’t come near me in years and now he had to sit right next to me?
Then he popped the top on a Red Bull and I almost laughed. At least it wasn’t a Gremlin. Watching him suck down one of the energy drinks made by the company my dad worked for would have been too ironic—even if it was the reason we originally met.
“It’s not going to work,” he said, turning in his seat to face me.
I kept my eyes on the professor, who was walking toward the podium.
“I get that you’re still trying to ignore me. It’s okay, I get it. I fucked up in more ways than I can possibly explain. But I don’t need you to talk to me. I just need you to listen.”
My entire body tensed. Was he saying he was sorry?
Don’t fall for his shit again. You’re not that stupid.
Rubbing the wrist I’d broken years ago, I sagged in my chair with relief when the professor started talking.
“Good morning, class,” the red-haired woman said. She looked to be in her midthirties and wore a stylish safari dress and cute wedges. “Welcome back to Cultures of the Pacific 310. I hope you enjoyed your brief break. This is your reminder to check your syllabus for due dates and pay particular attention to when your research paper is due. It’s on a topic of your choice, but it must be approved by me.”
I opened my notebook and then cursed under my breath. I’d forgotten my pen. Nothing like being unprepared.
“What’s wrong?” Hugo asked, leaning over slightly from my other side.
“I forgot my pen,” I whispered.
“No problem,” he answered quickly, reaching into his binder. I’d only known him a week, but I was immensely thankful for him. Being Leah’s butler the last three months as part of his work-study, he’d taken care of my best friend when I couldn’t. He handed me a pencil with a quick smile.
“Thank you,” I said as a pen landed on my desk.
“You hate pencils,” Landon whispered.
Every muscle in my body locked as my eyes fixated on the blue Bic. How did he remember that?
“You can ignore the pen all you want, but then you’ll just get those giant gray marks along your hand that drive you nuts, and your notes will smudge. Your choice.”
God, he didn’t just remember that I hated pencils, he remembered why.
“It’s just a pen, Rach. Not a contract.”
Like the one you left me holding when I signed that lease.
I debated shunning the damned pen for all of thirty seconds, but when argued against having smudged notes that I wouldn’t be able to read, I gave Hugo back his pencil and picked up the pen.
I focused all of my attention on what Dr. Messina said, taking copious notes, but I felt each and every time Landon’s gaze shifted toward me. There was still a palpable connection between us, as if my body remembered his significance, or maybe just what he was capable of doing with it. Ignoring him had to be like when I’d given up processed sugar.
That first day had been torture. That first week? Agony.
But then I got used to it being gone until I’d learned not to miss it.
Yeah, but you’ve been missing him for the last couple of years.
Years of wondering at what point he’d decided to leave me. Years of wondering if the insane chemistry between us—the undeniable craving to be close to each other—was something I’d imagined. It’s not. Feel that energy between you, that hum that’s ready to be cranked up to a million watts? Yeah, it’s still right there.
I steeled myself and concentrated on the lecture until it was time to leave. When she dismissed us, I got out of the classroom so fast it might as well have been on fire.
“Rachel!” Landon called down the crowded hall. I booked it to the elevator and slid inside—
Damn.
He got in just before the doors slid shut, leaving his camera crew on the outside. My timing with elevators on this ship was shit, but at least this wasn’t on film. I didn’t bother to look at him, just focused on the changing floors as we started to move.
There were at least four other students in here—that had to keep him quiet, right?
“Look, I just need you to listen. Please, Rachel.”
Apparently they weren’t going to deter him.
Deck seven. Three more to go.
I concentrated on the numbers, and he stepped in front of me, blocking my view with his chest. If I stepped forward, I’d be able to rest my head just under his collarbone, where I could feel his heartbeat. I hated that I remembered that—the feeling of safety, of…love—almost as much as I hated the urge to do it.
“The other people in this elevator aren’t going to save you, or me, for that matter. You know I’ve never given a fuck what anyone else ever thought of me.”
I looked to my right, but there were two girls openly ogling Landon and the show he was putting on. Don’t worry, girls. He’ll be all yours in a moment.
Unless they already had been. How many had come and gone since me? Why do you care?
“So you can stand there silent. It’s okay with me. I’m the one who needs to explain anyway.”
Deck eight. Three of the girls got off, leaving me with Landon and one other guy who looked like he’d rather be anywhere else.
“What happened back then…God, Rach. The situation was so fucked-up, and I was such a stupid kid.”
I glared at him. He was a stupid kid? That was his excuse for nearly ruining my life? I blatantly looked away. It was going to take something a hell of a lot better than that to get me to listen to him.
“We have six months together.”
Don’t remind me.
“And I can’t help but think that we have a chance to set things straight. To put everything behind us and start fresh. And I know that isn’t going to change what happened in the past—”
The elevator opened, and I sidestepped around him, making a beeline for my room. It was twenty feet. I could make it. I had to.
If I listened, I might pause. If I paused, I might…think. If I gave in to thought, I was already in my handbasket straight to Landon hell.
“But the truth is that I can’t change what happened. I can only go from here. Rachel? Please talk to me.”
I kept the same pace, refusing to run, but damn if I wasn’t going to power walk my way to safety. I took out my key card and swiped it.
Red dot.
Fuck.
“If you’ll give me a chance to explain, where we can sit down like the adults we are, there’s so much I want to tell you. So much I should have told you then but was too big of a chickenshit to get the words out.”
I swiped the card again.
Green.
“I didn’t want to leave you,” he said, his voice rising in pitch.
But you did. Hell if I was going to make this easy for him.
I swung the door open and walked in.
“Rachel, please. Say something!”
I threw up my middle finger and slammed the door behind me. My chest deflated as my breath abandoned me, and I leaned back against the door. God, it hurt. Everything hurt. I looked down, half expecting my shirt to be soaked in blood, because it felt like my heart had been ripped out and shredded.