Not If I See You First

“It’s just, I had something to tell you.”


He doesn’t go on—I guess he wants me to ask. “What is it?”

“After school let out last year my family went beach camping in Baja. When I got back, Scott had changed to a different route. He didn’t really say why and it didn’t matter to me; I just liked that the new route was longer. I didn’t notice it Saturday night in the dark, but this morning I started running with him again and saw we go right by your house.”

“Oh. Have you…” I say. “I run in the morning too. You guys ever see me?”

“No. We pass by around quarter to six.”

“I leave at six. Usually, I mean. Not today.” After Monday and Tuesday were such a wobbly mess, I felt even worse this morning and skipped going out entirely.

“Okay. Maybe it’s not spying since we never see you, but it’s still creepy. I thought I should tell you.”

Wait… Scott started running by my house sometime in the middle of June?

“It’s not creepy,” I say, dizzy again. I have to swallow before I can continue. “He’s… he’s checking my route. You know, for any new stuff I might trip over.”

“Why would he need to?”

“Because my dad can’t anymore. Every night before bed my dad and I would take a little walk. He said it was the only exercise he got being a desk jockey all day but he was really checking my route for my run the next morning.”

“Wait… you actually run alone? No one’s with you?”

“I told you I don’t run with anybody—”

“I figured you had someone on a bike or something! That’s crazy—you can’t run by yourself!”

“Well, actually, I can, and I do. Every day.”

I feel a shiver, an actual shiver, across my shoulders and back. “Do you remember ever seeing a big van parked across the sidewalk near my house? Back toward the end of June?”

“I was still in Mexico. Why?”

“Nothing. Never mind.”

Silence.

“You don’t think it’s creepy, Scott running by your house every morning… what, three years after you broke up with him?”

“Two and a half,” I say, my voice quiet. “It’s not creepy. It’s…”

“It’s what?”

He says it like a challenge and it irks me, but I try to look at things from his side. Truth is one thing; it’s another to rub people’s noses in it.

“Whatever the opposite of creepy is.”

He blows air out of his nose. “You still like him, don’t you?”

“I broke up with him, remember?”

“Part of you still likes him though.”

“He was my best friend for years. Some things you can’t just switch off.” Even though I sort of did. “What does it matter anyway? We’re not together now.”

“Maybe you want to be.”

It’s unsettling how his words are provoking but he talks in an easygoing voice. I don’t know what to make of it.

“Are you asking a question?”

“I just want to know where we stand.”

“Um… we met a week ago… then we went out Saturday night… and it was fun… and… we should do it again sometime? How’s that?”

“Are you going to call him again?”

“I don’t know, maybe?” This is getting weirder. I try to defuse it with a smile. “Is that a problem?”

“I’m just saying, either we’re doing this or we’re not, it’s up to you.”

“Doing what? Liking each other? Having a good time?”

“No, you know… seeing each other.”

“Isn’t it a bit soon to be talking about being exclusive?” Wow, if I could go back in time, Parker back in August wouldn’t believe the conversations she’s having now, only a few weeks later. “We’ve only been out once.”

“You climbed into the backseat fast enough. Is that normal for you?”

“No! Is it normal for you? You drove us to the Bluff fast enough! It was my first time there—how many girls do you bring up there?”

“None while you and I are going out.”

“Well don’t do me any favors. You can park with anyone you want and so can I until we agree otherwise, but it’s going to take more than one night out, I’m just telling you now.”

“Yeah, you’re telling me a lot.”

“I’m just being honest.”

“Things aren’t that simple.”

“Really? I think they are.”

Silence.

Quack.

“That’s Sarah wondering where I am. I gotta go. We can talk about this more at lunch if you want.” I sure hope he doesn’t, though. I unfold my cane.

“Fine. Okay. Later.”





I sit down at the usual table with Sarah. I’m still buzzing inside.

“I didn’t listen to your text—I just came straight here.”

“Just asking where you were.”

“Having a shitty conversation with Jason. He somehow thought it was our new routine to spend mornings together so when I said I was coming here he got all twitchy, like I was flaking on him to be with you.”

“Bitches before… britches?”

“Jesus, Sarah, did you just make that up?”

“Yeah, sorry, that sucked. You think I’d memorize something that lame?”

“It’s true, though.”

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