Is it because he doesn’t want me? He did say we were friends. Maybe he wants us to remain friends.
No. I can tell he wants me. I remember how he looked at me when I was walking toward the gazebo during the wedding. I remember how he looked at me when I came out of the bathroom earlier. I glanced at his crotch and saw the bulge there.
Why then? I can only think of one reason – he’s holding back for my sake.
Maybe he thinks of me as someone frail now that he knows my past. Maybe he feels sorry for me. Or maybe he just thinks I’m not ready, which, frankly, is true.
I’m not ready to give myself to another man who doesn’t love me.
I know he’s not like Vince, not in the slightest. Still, I’m afraid. What if I end up getting hurt? What if I end up falling in love with him but he never loves me back? What if I after give myself to him, he doesn’t want me anymore?
He doesn’t love me. He only married me because he felt some misplaced duty to protect me – maybe he was a knight in a previous life, after all – and because he wants me to keep taking care of David.
David.
For the past week, he hasn’t spoken to me. He hasn’t even looked at me. Needless to say, we haven’t played that video game. I’d like to, but it’s almost like the challenge never existed, and he’s acting like we’re complete strangers again.
Back to square one.
I feel bad. I feel like I betrayed David. I gave him the impression that I was here for him, not for his father. Maybe in his eyes, I’m even worse than those other nannies. At least they didn’t try to get close to David or act nice to him. Their intentions were clear from the start. I, on the other hand, offered to be his friend, tried to be his friend, and then ended up becoming something else.
And to think that one of the reasons I stayed was because I didn’t want to hurt him, because I wanted to continue to watch over him, support him, encourage him, make him happy.
How ironic.
He must hate me now. Even Zombie seems wary of me. Maybe he’s confused, too, because I told him I was leaving but I didn’t.
Maybe I should have left.
I shake my head. No. Leaving was not the solution. He would have been hurt if I left. He might have ended up hating me just the same. At least now, even if he hates me, I still have a chance to change that. I still have a chance to return our relationship to the way it was.
No. I don’t just have a chance. I have a responsibility. After all, I’m technically his mother now.
I’m not giving up on him.
With a fresh sense of determination, I quietly leave the room, closing the door slowly behind me.
It’s time to have another talk with David. And this time, I’m not going to leave his side until I make him understand me.
***
“David?” I knock on the door to his bedroom for the third time.
No answer.
In the past, I would just leave, thinking that he needed some time alone to think things over and accept them. This time, though, I’ve decided to talk to him so I push the door open.
“David, I’m coming in.”
Still no answer.
Strange. His room seems quiet. Is he still asleep? Usually, at this time, he’s watching TV or banging the drums.
Zombie isn’t here, either. Maybe he’s outside?
I go to David’s bed, seeing the lump under the blanket. So he’s still asleep. Maybe he stayed up, too.
At least, that’s what I think before taking a closer look at that lump, which looks like something I’ve seen before.
It looks like that lump I left on the bed in Vince’s house, one that’s meant to deceive.
Sure enough, as I pull the blanket off, I see only pillows and stuffed toys underneath and at the sight, I get a bad feeling in my gut.
“David!”
***
“What do you mean David isn’t here?” A sleepy Randall asks as I follow him to his office.
I didn’t want to wake him, but I had to.
“I mean we can’t find him,” I explain. “I’ve asked Lucy and Mrs. Wilson and the others to look for him everywhere and we can’t find him.”
“Did you look in the pantry?”
“Yes.”
“Are you sure you searched everywhere?”
“I have,” I admit. “He’s nowhere to be found.”
“He’s just hiding. He becomes better at it each time he does it.”
“There’s one more thing.”
He stops walking and turns to me. “What?”
“Zombie’s missing, too.”
“What?”
Just then, Lucy calls out, “Sabrina!”
“Yes?” I turn to her. “One of his backpacks is missing and some clothes and his piggy bank.”
“Shit,” I say at the same time Randall says, “Fuck.”
He continues walking, faster this time. Reaching his office, he pushes the doors open and heads to a computer. I look over his shoulder, watching as he looks at the footage from the security camera at the gate.
Suddenly, he stops the video, a frame showing Zombie and David with his backpack and cap on frozen on the screen.
“No,” I gasp, clamping a hand over my mouth.
God, no.
“This was two hours ago,” Randall says. “He can’t be far. I’ll call the police. You go with Harry and start searching for David. After I change, I’ll search for him, too.”
I nod, running out the door as Randall picks up the phone, my heart thudding in my chest.
Please, let David be safe.
***
“Where are you, David?” I whisper as I lean forward in the passenger seat of the Benz, my hands folded and clasped to my mouth.
For the past hour, Harry and I have driven around Bel Air, looking for him. Randall has gone to Houston, and Tess has checked on all of David’s friends from school. Still, we have no clue where he is.
Where can he be hiding?
“Don’t worry,” Harry says, sensing my fear. “I’m sure we’ll find him, Mrs. Brewster.”
“Please call me Sabrina,” I tell him. “I sure hope we find him, Harry, because if we don’t, I don’t know how I’ll be able to live with myself.
This is my fault, all my fault. If I hadn’t agreed to marry Randall, if I hadn’t accepted his offer of protection, this wouldn’t have happened.
I stayed because I wanted to be safe and now, David is the one who’s left the house. David is the one in danger.
What if Vince finds him first? What if Vince has somehow found out that he’s Randall’s son and decides to take him, to hurt him to get back at me, to punish me?
I shake my head. I mustn’t think of that. If I keep imagining David hurt, I’ll go crazy.
Now I know how mothers feel when their children are in danger.
I run my hands through my hair, clutching my nape. How on Earth do mothers stay sane through times like this?
He may not be my son, but he is my responsibility. He was under my care.
Oh, God, please don’t let anything bad have happened to him.
“He’s with Zombie, so he’ll be fine,” Harry reminds me.
It’s good that Zombie is with him so he isn’t so scared or lonely, but Zombie isn’t always reliable. What if he ran off and David followed him and got into trouble?
Suddenly, though, I see a child sitting on the sidewalk, playing drums with a stranger, a black Labrador beside him. My heart stops.
We found him.