Eva bringing up Jake’s scandal hits close to home. The parallels are freaky. I’m not Logan’s secretary, but I am sleeping with him. It makes me feel ashamed that I just don’t come out and tell Eva. I almost feel like a fraud.
It would be nice to have someone to confide in, someone I can tell my doubts about Logan to. Someone who can tell me that I’m insane for staying with a guy, even if he is rich, that won’t commit.
Eva peers at me with concern. “Something wrong?”
“No,” I lie. “I just feel overwhelmed with all this work.” And worried about the direction my relationship with Logan is going.
“Aren’t we all.” Eva pauses and she looks like she’s debating on whether bringing up a topic.
“Speaking of hot bosses, there’s a rumor going around about Logan…”
“Eva,” I say, cutting her off. Here’s my chance to come clean with Eva. At this point, it'll be a relief. With all my doubts about our relationship, I don’t see a reason to hold back anymore. I just hope Eva doesn’t judge me too harshly.
She shakes her head, setting aside her bagel, her face twisting with shock. “Oh no, don’t tell me…”
“I’ve been sleeping with Logan,” I say super fast. There. I was right. I feel so much better already.
Eva’s mouth opens wide with shock. “Jesus, Charlotte, how long has this been going on?”
I tell Eva everything, about Vegas, about sleeping with Logan and then leaving him. I hold nothing back, and when I’m done, I feel even more liberated. “After Ian, it was so easy to just fall in bed with him. He was just so charming and… sexy. I couldn’t help myself. But now I’m worried that we’re…” Finished. I feel a lump form in my throat at the thought.
Maybe I’m just overreacting and it’s all in my head.
That’s what I want to believe, but deep down inside, I know otherwise. That Logan’s hiding something from me, I’m certain, I’ve just been doing a decent job in deluding myself that things will get better.
Eva’s shaking her head in disbelief and doesn’t seem to notice my last sentence. “No wonder he gave you the head sales position.”
“So you think that's the only reason I got the sales job?” I ask irritably. I thought Eva would be giving me relationship advice, not questioning my position in the company.
“Don’t you dare,” Eva says defensively, seeing that I’ve taken her words the wrong way. “You know I would never think so lowly of you. You’re a beast at what you do, and everyone knows it. That’s why Logan hired you.” The passion and sincerity in Eva’s voice make me feel ashamed for jumping to conclusions.
Eva shakes her head. “What I meant is that Logan wanted you, and seeing how good a sales rep you were, he made sure you’d work closely with him.”
“I’m sorry, Eva,” I say softly. “I didn’t mean to snap at you.”
Eva waves away my worry. “It’s no problem. I woulda got pissed too and thought the same thing if I was in your shoes.”
She pauses and then gives me a look. “So is everything okay with Logan? You sounded like you’re having some serious issues… despite the good sex.”
I let out a sigh. “He won’t commit. He just tells me we should live in the moment. But I don’t know what to do... I think I’m falling in... falling for him. And I’m afraid that I’m going to end up...” My heart clenches and I take a deep breath. It’s so hard to admit.
Eva grimaces. “That’s… not good.”
“Yeah, and I’m not sure how much more time I should devote to something that’s never going to work out. Even if the sex is good. I don’t want a repeat of Ian, you know?”
Eva nods and makes a face. “Yeah, but ugh. It sucks because you’re at a disadvantage in this relationship. Like, he can totally get rid of you if you suddenly decide you’ve had enough and want to break it off with him.”
Eva isn’t saying anything I haven’t already considered, and it’s depressing. I’d like to think that Logan would never do such a thing to me even if we did break up, but then I remember Ian. I thought I knew him, thought I’d marry him and have his children even, and he turned out to be a totally different person than who I thought I’d fallen in love with.
When it comes down to it, I don’t really know Logan either.
“So what are you gonna do?” Eva asks, her expression deeply concerned. “I'm afraid to give you advice on this because I don’t see a clear answer.” She leans forward and takes my hand in hers and gently adds, “I just don’t want to see you hurt.”
The answer should be easy. Stop wasting time. Leave Logan no matter the cost. But when I think about leaving him, I feel overwhelmed. I don’t want it to have to end. Yet I hate being in this state of limbo.
“Charlotte?” Eva asks when I don’t answer right away.
I sigh and squeeze her hand before letting go. I take a bite out of my muffin, shake my head, and reply, “I don’t know, Eva. I really wish I knew.”
Chapter 26
Logan