“Maybe we should work on our entries for the rest of class,” I tell him, keeping my voice low. All the other groups are chatting loudly, and I wish we were too. But everything feels so serious between us right now. I don’t like it.
Things aren’t right between us, and I don’t know how to fix it. I’m a fixer. It’s what I do. But this feels completely out of my control.
Truly? It’s pretty damn terrifying. What if he dumps me? Before we even had a chance to really become something?
“If that’s what you want,” he says, his gaze never straying from the iPad. I wish he’d look at me. I wish he’d talk to me.
But he won’t.
We remain quiet as we work, our arms occasionally bumping against each other’s since I’m a lefty and he’s a righty. I apologize so many times he finally tells me to stop, and because I’m PMSing and a little moody and miffed at his neglectful treatment, I get pissed.
I never claimed I was rational in Jordan’s presence, so none of you can hold my stupid behavior against me.
I look up Romeo and Juliet quotes on the web on my phone and highlight them, adding them to my notes section for future reference. Mrs. Meyer isn’t bothered by all of us using our phones and iPads as we work. She encourages us to use them most of the time, unless she catches one of us texting.
Of course, Livvy chooses this exact moment to text me like crazy.
You will not believe what happened.
Brianne Brown talked to me at lunch. Like chattered on and on as if we were best friends.
I couldn’t believe it. I had no witnesses either. None.
Where were you anyway?
She told me thank you for leaving Dustin alone so she could finally have a chance with him.
Can you imagine? Like I left him alone for her? Please.
He’s the one who avoided me.
I hate her.
A few minutes later…
Ryan and I had sex this weekend and guess what?
The condom broke.
I am freaking. OUT.
What if I get pregnant? I will DIE, A.
Die. Die. Die. I don’t care if Ryan makes cute babies.
Cuz you know he could. Look at him!!!
But seriously. The last thing I want is a baby.
She is so dramatic. And why didn’t she lead with the broken condom story? That’s way more dramatic than Brianne Brown thanking Livvy for letting her have at it with Dustin.
I’m about to text her back quickly, but she sends me another one.
I don’t even like kids. Having one of my own? Puke fest.
I don’t want them.
Like EVER.
I decide to answer her back and calm her down.
You’re not pregnant. Chill out. Screw everyone else and what they think, especially BB.
“Who you texting?” Jordan asks casually.
I glance up from my phone. How he can figure out I’m texting someone is beyond me. I shut off my phone. “Livvy.”
“Uh huh.” He nods, his expression full on doubtful. Does he think I’m lying? Seriously?
“Whatever,” I mutter under my breath as I see another text come in from Liv.
I need to get on the pill. I need to go to Planned Parenthood this week.
You should come with me.
My cheeks go hot and I glance over at Jordan, but he’s bent over his iPad and engrossed with whatever he’s doing. I should be working too. But now Liv has taken the conversation into an interesting turn and I don’t want it to stop.
I don’t need to go on the pill.
Why not? You and Tuttle ARE doing the nasty. Right????
Sort of. Not really. Not in the very real sense of the word.
Kind of.
How do you kind of do it?
We are currently doing everything but IT. You know what I mean.
Ohhhh…….!!!!!!
Now she gets it.
You still need to go on the pill. You don’t want a pregnancy scare. Condoms + the pill is the best way to go. You’re doubly safe.
My mom is pretty open and explained all that I needed to know about the birds and the bees when I was younger. Plus, we had those special movies and discussions starting in the fifth grade. They were embarrassing, yet oddly fascinating. Plus, I’ve read plenty of romance novels in my life, so I know what’s up. I get the romantic stuff, the sex stuff. Heck, most of those romance books I read I stole from my mom’s secret stash in the hall closet.
But if I went to her right now and asked her to hook me up with her gyno so I could get on the pill? She would lose her freaking mind.
I have a sudden thought and decide to ask Liv.
Do you give Ryan a BJ with him wearing a condom?
Ha! What a question. I’m on a roll.
Um, no. I thought only hookers did that.
Where do you come up with this stuff?
I watch HBO. They have all of those old Hookers on the Point documentaries. I’ve watched a few.
I have no idea what she’s talking about, so whatever.