His gaze goes vacant as he stares straight ahead. “Family stuff. Nothing to worry about, though. I’ll tell you about it later.”
Naturally, I’m worried. It felt like he just…disappeared, and now he’s back, like he was never gone.
The way he’s acting, it’s weird.
“You’re okay?”
“Oh yeah.” He glances down at me. “You read my note?”
“Yeah. It was good,” I say softly, wondering if he can see all the emotion I feel for him shining in my eyes. I shouldn’t show my cards, but being this close to him, having him touch me, it renders me helpless.
I think he knows it, too.
“I’m not finished with that entry yet. Have you written yours?”
“I have.”
“You should share it with me.”
“I will, in class.” Ugh, I sort of don’t want to, but I will. Maybe I should demand he spill before I let him read my entry. Though that’s catty and stupid, and I refuse to act that way around him.
Jordan releases his hold on me as we walk into the classroom, and I’m relieved to see Mrs. Meyer is back. She runs through attendance, coughs a little, pops a Halls and then asks that we quietly work on our projects. “The first part is due this Friday.”
A few groans fill the room, but otherwise we’re quiet. Well, except for me. I raise my hand.
“Miss Winters?”
I drop my hand. “How many entries should we have by the time we turn in the first part?”
“At least five each,” Mrs. Meyer says with a faint smile.
Crap. My heart sinks. I only have three and I want to work on the last one some more. Plus, I have to help with practice after school, and we have a game Friday. Thank God I don’t work at Yo Town again until Sunday afternoon, and only for four hours.
Once Mrs. Meyer answers a few slightly panicked questions, we all assemble with our partners. I pull the second diary entry I never let him read last week out of my backpack and hand it to Jordan.
“Please be honest,” I tell him. “Tell me if it’s awful or not. I really want this to shine and impress Mrs. Meyer.”
“You’re a good writer,” he says, taking the paper from me. “I’m sure it’s fine.”
I loom over his shoulder and read my words along with him.
Lo, my life is over before it’s truly begun. From what passion for him burns so bright to turn so cold overnight. He shone upon me like the brightest star, and I was his ever faithful moon. Until without notice my star was snuffed out, along with the others, one by one. I was left a cold, dark and lonely moon. Faithful and present, yet lost and forgotten.
Will he find me again? Will he shine his light upon me and warm me up? Or am I forever doomed to go this alone?
He’s quiet for a moment, as if he’s taking the time to absorb my words, and I start to fidget. “Well?” The word bursts out of me like a bullet.
Jordan turns to look at me. “It’s sad.”
“Romeo and Juliet’s relationship is the ultimate in sadness,” I remind him.
“I know.” He glances at the paper once more, his gaze lingering. “Their relationship was also passionate,” he reminds me.
“Passion only lasts for so long, especially with those two. They are a prime example that you cannot sustain a relationship based merely on passion.” I sound like I’m totally down on love, and right now, I sort of am.
“You really believe that?” He raises a brow.
I don’t know what to believe. Or what to think either. These mixed signals Jordan’s sending in my direction are playing havoc on my heart and my mind. I thought what happened between us this past weekend would’ve brought us closer together, but instead I feel like Jordan has pulled away from me and become almost—distant.
“Yes,” I say softly.
He says nothing for a moment. Just busies himself with pulling his iPad out of his backpack and turning it on. I do the same, telling myself I need to write the next entry, maybe two while we’re in class, but I can’t help sneaking glances at Jordan. Wondering what he’s been doing the last few days. He claims it was family business, but what? I don’t know what’s going on. I just wish he would tell me something. More than anything, I wish he would include me in his plans and thoughts and hopes and dreams.
Okay, that last statement is over the top, but you get the gist.
“I went with my father to check out a college he wants me to go to,” Jordan says out of nowhere.
I look at him. “Where at?”
“Oregon, like I told you about. They want me. He’s pushing it hard. Tells me this is my chance.”
“Are you going to do it?”
Jordan’s gaze meets mine for the briefest moment. “I don’t know.”
I’m not sure what else I should say. He told me only a few days ago that he didn’t want to go. So what made him change his mind? Is that part of the reason why he’s acting so distant?