“No muffins, I’m guessing?” He gave me that smile I’d fallen for. It reached his eyes like always.
“No, not today.”
“Darn.” He gave a half-hearted shrug.
I rang him up.
He handed me the cash as he watched my face.
I returned the change.
Then we just stared at each other.
Seriously, that was it? Did I dream the whole date up? Didn’t he like me as much as I liked him? Why was he just staring at me? Was he going to say something?
“Uh…can I have my coffee?”
I’d never given it to him. God, I felt like an idiot. I was just staring at him, thinking he was going to say something. “Oh, sorry.” I turned my back to him and got the coffee, feeling my cheeks redden in embarrassment. Then I turned back around and tried to keep a brave face.
“Thanks.” He took it and added a sleeve. Then he turned away.
“So, is that it?” Why did I just blurt that out loud? Especially at work? Why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut?
He stopped then turned back to me. “Excuse me?”
Now I wish I hadn’t said anything. This wasn’t the place for the conversation. “We went out and had a great time and I haven’t heard from you…and you left in such an odd way.” I’d never been in this situation before. Guys were usually pretty easy to read, and I’d never been blown off.
He glanced at the people in the lobby before he turned back to me. “It just didn’t feel right.”
What? What didn’t feel right? We had a great time. Everything was perfect. Our kiss…did he always have kisses like that? Because I’d never felt anything like that in my life. Even though I was hurt and upset, I couldn’t deny what I felt. “Just because I wouldn’t sleep with you?”
His eyes narrowed like he’d been provoked. “No, of course not. You invited me inside, remember?”
“Then…what happened?”
He held my gaze without blinking. “We’re just from different worlds, Frankie. I really like you but…I’m not the kind of man you want.”
“And what kind of man are you, exactly?” I should just let him walk away but I was struggling. I’d never been dumped like that before. He was into me one moment, and we were having a great time, and then he forgot about me the second he turned around.
He leaned toward me and lowered his voice. “The kind that isn’t good enough for you.”
***
I would never understand what happened with Hawke, and I needed to learn to let it go. I had no idea what he meant when he said he wasn’t good enough for me. He was a great person. What was he talking about?
No matter what happened or what he meant, it didn’t change the fact that it was over. I didn’t want to be with someone so vague anyway. It would cause more migraines than orgasms, and I just didn’t have the time to deal with drama.
He had drama written all over him.
I tried to forget about him but it was surprisingly hard. When I folded my laundry, I thought about the way he looked across the table. He stared at me like I was the only woman in the room. And he was charming and polite…he made me laugh. And the physical chemistry between us couldn’t be quenched with a fire extinguisher.
I refused to mourn over a guy that wasn’t worth my time, so I moved on and went on other dates. I met a few guys through mutual friends and at the bars. All of them were attractive, some were clingy, but none of them were a good match. I just didn’t feel anything for any of them.
Not like I did with Hawke.
Why? Why did I want a guy clearly unavailable? It was so annoying. There was a plethora of guys at school. Why couldn’t I just like one of them? After a month had passed, I thought about Hawke less often.
But I hadn’t forgotten him.
He hadn’t come into The Grind in a long time, and I assumed he never would again. He probably didn’t want to see me, not after I confronted him like that. And I didn’t blame him. That definitely didn’t project me in my best light.
But one day, on a Monday, he walked inside. Like always, he wore his business clothes with his satchel over his shoulder. A light amount of facial hair was on his face, and I liked the look. It was more rugged and highlighted his nice cheekbones.
My immediate response was to run into the back and act like I hadn’t seen him, but I refused to do that. I wasn’t afraid of anything. I held my head high and acted like he was nothing special.
He approached the counter and his eyes moved to my face. He took me in like he was trying to memorize every feature. His hands were in his pockets and a distant look was in his eyes. “Hey.”
“Hey. The usual?”
He ignored my question. “How are you?”
“Good. Getting ready for Thanksgiving. How about you?”
“Good. I’m excited to have a few days off. I’m spending the holidays with my friend and his family. It should be fun.”
Did he not have a family of his own? I didn’t dare ask. “You deserve a vacation. You’re much more handsome when you’re rested.” I gave him a teasing smile.
He smiled back. “I’m sure you’ll be baking some of those famous muffins for your family.”