“Yeah?”
“Go to her.”
“What?”
“Your mind is not here. Stop wasting time here in this restaurant trying to get skinny old me to eat. Go to her and spend the rest of the night with her. If there’s one thing I’ve learned since getting sick, it’s that each day is precious. If things don’t end up in your favor, at least you’ll have these days. Don’t waste them. Live in ignorant bliss for a little while longer.”
There truly wasn’t anything I wanted more in that moment than to go to Bianca.
“You sure you don’t mind?”
“Of course not. Life is good. We’ve been here long enough, and I have food for the entire week.”
“You’d better eat it.”
Jelani chuckled. “Thanks for looking out for me, Dex. You’re a good man.”
It was a full moon out tonight. After I dropped him back home, I had Sam head straight to Bianca’s. I hadn’t thought to call or text first, so I was disappointed to find that she wasn’t home. Still, I thought better of chasing her down. She might have been with her sister, still dealing with the after effects of dropping that bomb.
Rather than text to ask her whereabouts, I opted to go back to my place and change out of my clothes.
Back home, I’d just gotten my pants off when there was a knock at the door. Bandit started to bark like crazy. The only person who was allowed to bypass the doorman was Bianca. My heartbeat accelerated.
When I opened the door, my breath caught. She looked so incredibly beautiful, dressed casually in jeans and a fitted, leather jacket. Bianca’s hair was damp from the drizzle outside. Her eyeballs moved back and forth as she looked at me, seeming like she’d been searching for something and had finally found it.
Then she practically fell into my arms. I embraced her tightly for the longest time, cherishing the feel of her heart pounding against mine. It was confirmation that her feelings for me remained unchanged.
Whispering into her hair, I said, “I went by your place. You weren’t there.”
“I was with Alex. Brian watched the girls so that we could have dinner out and talk.”
I pulled back to look at her face. “And you came straight here after?”
“Yeah. My sister could tell my mind was on you the entire night. She told me to just go see you.”
“That’s funny. Jelani did the same thing to me, told me to go to you. I guess we’re both pretty transparent, huh?”
Bianca’s eyes trailed down the length of my body. It was then I realized I was still shirtless, dressed only in my underwear. Desire pooled in her eyes as she continued to stare at my half-naked physique. Knowing full well what she was thinking, my abs clenched and my cock stiffened.
My words came out in a hoarse whisper, “It’s okay to want me.” Brushing my hand against her cheek, I added, “Lord knows, I want you so fucking badly.”
“I’m learning that you really can’t fight what comes naturally. And that bothers me, because what if the news isn’t in our favor, and I still can’t shake it? What, then?”
“Then, we move to Europe,” I said without hesitation.
“What?”
I placed my hand on her cheek. “I’m kidding.” Sort of. “Look,” I said. “People can tell us how to think, but they can’t tell us how to feel. Nothing has ever proven that fact to me like this situation has. You want me right now just as much as I want you, and it’s killing me.”
As was usual around Bianca, my body was beginning to betray me. My erection grew harder with every second that her eyes remained fixed on my body. I couldn’t even be certain whether I could have stopped myself if Bianca told me she didn’t care about the repercussions. If she told me to fuck her then and there, I honestly didn’t know how I would have reacted. That was how desperate I felt.
I led her over to the couch. As I lay back, she reached out and hesitantly placed her hand on my abs. Even though she looked reluctant, it was clear that she’d been dying to do it.
“It’s okay. Touch me. We won’t take it any further. Just touch me.”
She ran her hand along every inch of my chest as I closed my eyes and relished her touch. She then lowered her head and lay down on my heaving chest. I was sure she could feel my heart beating right into her eardrum.
“I don’t want to give you up,” she whispered over my skin.
Running my fingers through her beautiful dark hair, I said, “Can I tell you a secret?”
Her voice was barely audible. “Yes.”
“I have to tell this to you now because the way I see it…anything I say now could be construed as okay since we don’t know the truth yet.”
She lifted her head and sat up to look at me. I was glad she did because this was important.
I took the opportunity to return that focused attention as I stared deeply into her eyes. “I won’t ever stop loving you. Even if it turns out we’re blood-related, I will still love you. I may not be able to admit it to you anymore then, and I may not be able to express it to you physically, but I won’t stop loving you. I need you to know that. You will move on eventually. You will meet someone new, but I will still never stop loving you. I might meet someone and marry eventually, but when she’s walking down the aisle, make no mistake, I’m going to be thinking of you and wishing things were different. Because I will never stop loving you. And whether you’re my lover or my sister…you will still be the most amazing woman I have ever met. No matter what, Bianca, you are the love of my life. No one will ever replace you.”
Her face was covered in tears. “I love you so much, Dex.”
The need to feel her mouth on mine was unbearable. “I really need to kiss you right now.”
“Kiss me. Please…kiss me,” she breathed.
And so I did. With the same intensity with which she’d begged for it, I kissed her harder and with more passion than I ever had before. If it was wrong, I didn’t want it to be right. Like Jelani said, ignorance was bliss. My compromise was that I wouldn’t sleep with her, but I was going to damn well kiss her. Maybe it would have seemed more salacious if we hadn’t done it countless times before. But it felt so natural, so familiar. Like breathing. If I was going to hell for continuing to do what felt natural, then so be it.
In fact, I’d turn myself in.
I hated that Bianca had to leave.