I could feel my eyes getting moist. “You say that now…but it will be too difficult, Dex. I don’t think I can handle seeing you with other women, seeing you get married, have children someday. God…those kids…they’d be my—”
“Please, Bianca! Don’t go there. I’m begging you not to think about it like that right now, okay? Just let us have these days of denial. It’s the only good thing about this time of waiting. Alright? I’m not saying to pretend it’s not happening, but try not to go there. Okay? Can you do that for me, baby?”
I shut my eyes tightly to fend off the tears. “You shouldn’t call me ‘baby’….until we know.”
“Fuck that.” I could sense that he was gritting his teeth when he said, “You’re my baby and my Georgy Girl. And I’m gonna call you whatever the fuck I want. I’m not going to hide my feelings until the day…the second…I absolutely have to.”
I sniffled away my tears. “I hope that second never comes.”
Sitting side by side on my sister’s couch, they were both completely speechless. Alexandra looked like she was going to pass out. I hated everything about this, but it had to be done. And I was glad it was finally out, because holding it in had been killing me.
I’d spent the past half-hour coming clean to them about what I knew and what I suspected. Dex had given me some pictures of his father as a younger man so that I could show my sister the resemblance. She didn’t dispute it; she couldn’t.
My mother was, of course, shocked to learn about Dex’s identity in the first place but once that was revealed, she didn’t seem all that surprised about my suspicions regarding Alexandra’s paternity.
She finally spoke, “I really didn’t think…”
“What?” I cried. “That we would figure this out? Have you never noticed how much she resembles him?”
“I have noticed. But it wasn’t apparent until she got a bit older. By that time, it was too late. Your dad is your father in all the ways it matters. He loves both of you more than life. The technicality of it truly wasn’t going to make a difference.”
“But you do admit that it is possible…that not only could Dexter Truitt have fathered Alex but that he could be my father, as well?”
“I can’t rule it out. I made a huge mistake in putting us in this predicament. But I was young and reckless. I’d felt trapped at the time, and Dexter was my way out of it. I wasn’t thinking about long-term repercussions, and I certainly could’ve never predicted that one of my daughters would end up in love with his son years later. I’d give anything to take my decisions back, but I just can’t do that.”
My mother was crying, and my sister, who’d been quiet, abruptly got up and ventured to the other room.
I followed her.
“I’m so sorry, Alex.”
The room was dark. She sat on the bed and covered her face. “It’s not your fault. I just need some time to process this.”
“Take all of the time you need.”
She suddenly turned to me. “Why doesn’t she seem more upset? Does she have any clue how much this is going to impact all of our lives? Not only mine…but especially yours?”
“I think she’s in shock. It seems like she’s just been in denial all these years. She never thought we’d figure it out.”
“Does Dad even suspect anything?”
“He has to have suspected,” I said. “Unless he’s never actually seen Dexter Truitt? Honestly, even knowing what I knew, I wouldn’t have thought this was possible until I actually saw the resemblance.”
“You look like Mom,” she said. “I look like neither one of our parents. But I still never suspected anything.”
“I know. Me neither.”
Alex stood up in a panic. “We need to get this test soon. I have to know.”
“Dex is working on getting his father to agree. He’s going to handle all of the logistics once we can get his father’s consent.”
“What if he doesn’t agree?”
“Then, I suppose we can test ourselves against Dad,” I said.
“This whole thing is such a mess. Please tell me you didn’t sleep with Dex.”
“We’ve come close…but never took that step.”
Alex let out a relieved breath. “Thank God, Bianca. Could you imagine?”
That was the thing. I could imagine it. And that fantasy didn’t feel any different than it had before this nightmare. I couldn’t exactly admit that to her at this point. My romantic feelings for Dex hadn’t wavered, and that was going to have to stay between him and me.
I didn’t think anyone else could possibly understand.
As I buttoned my shirt, I looked down at Bandit who was standing at attention and listening to me ramble.
“You might have technically humped your sister, you know. Aren’t dogs inbred all of the time?”
“Ruff!”
“You’re fine, though, right? It wasn’t the end of the world. Nobody judges dogs. Why should they judge me?”
He just stared at me, panting with his tongue hanging out.
“It still seems a little fucked up. Shouldn’t I feel differently about her, Bandit? Knowing what I know? But I don’t. I want her. In some ways, I don’t even want to know the truth. And I certainly can’t stand back and bear witness to her moving on with her life. I want her with me.” Spraying on some cologne, I looked over at him. “What do you think about a move to Europe? I heard incest is not as frowned upon there. We can all be happy there: you and your inbred ass, me, Bianca, and our two-headed baby. What do you say?”
“Ruff!”
When I realized I was running significantly late for my dinner with Jelani, I quickly fastened my watch.
“Be a good boy,” I said before heading to the door.
Since he hadn’t been feeling too well, I opted to take Jelani out to a restaurant in Brooklyn, so he could be close to his house if he felt he suddenly needed to go home.
After I’d ordered four different family-sized platters at the Italian restaurant, my gaunt-looking friend said, “I didn’t realize we were expecting an army.”
The waitress had set down large portions of chicken and eggplant Parmesan, lobster ravioli, and vegetable lasagna.
“You need something that sticks to your bones. And you’re taking the leftovers home with you, too.”
I let Jelani do most of the talking. My mind was elsewhere as he told some stories from Kenya and spoke about whether or not to renew his spot at the flea market for the upcoming year.
At one point, he raised his voice and interrupted my thoughts. “Dex, I’ve been talking to you for a half hour, and you’ve been staring off into space half of the time.”
Shaking my head quickly, I said, “I’m sorry. I’m just feeling very anxious tonight.”
“About the test…”
“Yes. My father finally agreed to do it, but only after he returns from his vacation in Turks.”
“Well, at least he agreed to cooperate. That was half the battle, wasn’t it?”
I sighed. “Yep. So, it’s going to happen in about a week.”
Twiddling my thumbs and bouncing my knees up and down, I looked around the restaurant.
Jelani sat in front of me with his arms crossed, and I stopped my fidgeting long enough to realize he’d been quietly observing me.
“Dex…”