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“Oh my God!” I stood before running to the bathroom. “I think I’m going to be sick.”
I felt like someone had died. There was a hollow in my chest, a sort of achy emptiness, yet that emptiness weighed so heavy. After two hours of talking, crying, and polishing off two bottles of wine, Dex had asked me if I wanted him to leave. I wanted just the opposite—him to stay forever and tell me tomorrow morning that tonight was just a bad dream. Yet now that we were lying in my bed in the dark, the craziness that he could possibly be my brother was really seeping in.
Neither of us said a word for a long time. My back was to him, and his hand was resting gently on my hip until his squeezed and broke our silence. “Ever hear of the Monomotapa monarchy from Zimbabwe?”
I laughed. What the hell was he talking about? “No.”
“Know anything about Cleopatra?”
Ahhh. So that’s where his mind was at? I turned over to face him. It was dark, but my eyes had adjusted enough to see his. “I do, actually. You know she wasn’t really Egyptian. Her family roots trace back to Macedonian Greece.” I knew that wasn’t what he was talking about, but I figured I’d screw with him a little.
It worked. I heard the smile in his voice. “Oh yeah? Figures you’d know that, Georgakopolous. Anything else you learned in history class?”
“She had a thing for bad, heavy eye makeup.”
“Wiseass. You know exactly what I’m referring to.”
I sighed. “Are you saying you don’t care if I’m your half-sister or not?”
The levity was gone from his voice. “I don’t know what I’m saying. The only thing I’m sure of is that I’m in love with you. And there’s no way I’m ready to let you go. No matter what.”
“You say that now. But men look at their sisters very differently than women look at their brothers. There is no way in hell that you’ll be able to think of me sexually, if there really is a chance that we’re related, Dex.”
I saw the whites of his eyes going back and forth as they looked into mine. Finally, he reached for my hand. “Don’t judge.” Then he pulled it down his body until my hand was covering his dick. His rock-hard, fully erect, dick.
I gasped as he wrapped my fingers around it demonstrating that he was definitely able to think of me that way still.
“That answer your question?”
“I guess so.”
Dex chuckled as he brought my hand back up to his lips and kissed the top. Then he leaned forward and kissed my forehead. “Get some sleep. We’ll figure out where to go from here tomorrow.”
“Okay.” I turned over, and Dex pulled me flush against him, my back to his front, wrapping me in a tight hold. Even though I could clearly feel his erection, the hold didn’t feel sexual. It felt…protective.
With his warmth wrapped around me like a blanket, it didn’t take long to succumb to sleep. “Good night, Dex,” I whispered.
“Good night, my Georgy Girl.”
The following day, Dex called from his office in the middle of the afternoon to check on me. Actually, it was one of several times he’d contacted me to make sure I was okay. I hated the sick thought that flashed through my head suddenly.
He’s just doing the protective brother thing.
Shut up!
I hated my brain sometimes.
Dex sounded tired. “How are you feeling?”
“Do you really want to know?”
“Of course.”
“I think I was in shock most of yesterday, but now it’s starting to sink in. And the reality is scaring me.”
“You’re not alone, Bianca. I’m scared, too. In fact, I can’t recall anything that has ever scared me more in my entire life.”
Sadness crept in. I longed for the time before this came to light. “I miss you.”
“I’m still here,” he whispered. “I haven’t gone anywhere.” After some silence, he continued, “We need to know. It’s killing me. Are you ready to find out? I won’t push you unless you’re ready.”
I never ended up having the conversation with my mother the night Dex left my sister’s. Now, that conversation was going to be a totally different ball game because I’d not only be telling her about Dex’s identity but also confronting her about whether Dexter Sr. could have fathered Alexandra and me. What a clusterfuck.
“Where do I start? I feel so helpless,” I said.
“I need to work on convincing my father to agree to a DNA test. I think you need to have the conversation with your mother and sister as soon as possible. We can’t put it off any longer—especially now.”
“Okay,” I agreed. “I’ll call an emergency meeting tonight at my sister’s. We need to get Alexandra to agree to a test as well.”
“Do you want me there when you tell them?”
“Actually, I’m thinking it might be better if I handle it alone. It’s going to be a lot for my sister to take in. I think she would be more comfortable if it was just me.”
“Okay, fair enough. Whatever you think is best. I just wanted to be there to support you if you felt you needed me. Didn’t want you to have to handle the tough stuff alone.”
I hated what I was thinking in that moment.
He apparently could sense something in my silence. “Tell me what’s on your mind right now.”
“You said you didn’t want me to handle it alone, and that made me realize that I might have to get used to a life apart from you. Maybe the sooner I figure out how to do that, the better.”
Dex sounded almost angry. “Don’t say that, Bianca. Don’t even think it.”
My tone changed from quiet to insistent. “It’s true, Dex. I think we need to seriously prepare ourselves for the worst. We’re in denial.”
“Do you think I’m going to just disappear from your life if things don’t turn out in our favor?”
“Well, we certainly can’t remain…close. That would be too painful, don’t you think?”
“Actually, I think the opposite would be far more painful. I can’t imagine my life without you. If it turns out…” He hesitated. “God, I can’t even say it. I can’t even fucking say it.”
I spoke for him. “If the worst happens…”
He gathered his composure and said, “If the worst happens, I will always want to be in your life. As crazy as that sounds, I care about you way too much to let you go.”
I was confused as to what he meant. “So…we’d be…what…like friends?”
“I don’t think we could really put a label on it but—”
“You’re gonna want to see me with other men?”
Dead silence.
“Fuck. No…I can’t even fathom that. But I’d have to suck it up somehow because I’m going to want to protect you even if it kills me. I don’t want you to ever just disappear from my life.”