It could have cost her Ryder.
She cursed herself at the thought. He’d risked his life for her, and yet he still didn’t want her as his mate. And the fact that she’d even thought that last part just told her how off she was. She shouldn’t be worrying about mating and bonds while there were real issues at hand. Mating could take a back seat, along with her emotions.
First, she needed to stop shaking. Then she needed to make sure Ryder was okay. After that, she could deal with the fact that she hadn’t been able to defend herself. Emotions could wait.
Forever if it were up to her.
As soon as they’d walked into Ryder’s home—her safely in his arms—he set her on her bed. It didn’t matter that he was hurt more than she was; he apparently had to carry her. She’d let him because she’d still been working the drugs out of her system, but now she was feeling much better and wanted to see if he was okay.
Gingerly, she pushed herself to her feet and let out a breath. It only hurt a little, and once she took a bath, she’d be back to her normal self. While it annoyed her that she couldn’t heal others in the same fashion, at least her magic could keep her somewhat whole.
She padded down the hallway toward the living room where she could hear voices. Walker had his hands over the large burns on Ryder’s side and stomach, his eyes closed and his mouth murmuring chants.
She put her hand over her mouth to hold back a gasp. She’d been so drugged out she hadn’t seen the extent of Ryder’s injuries. And since Walker was Healing them already, what she saw wasn’t even the worst of it.
Ryder looked up as she entered but didn’t say anything. Instead, he let his gaze trail down her body and back up again before settling on her eyes.
“You still have cuts and burns,” he said finally, his voice a bit raspy.
“I’m going to have to Heal your throat, too, brother. You have a bit of smoke inhalation.” Walker shook his head but went back to work.
Leah had started toward the two of them before she thought better of it. She cupped Ryder’s face with her hands since it was one of the only places where he didn’t have cuts or burns.
“Never do that again, Ryder Brentwood. Your family almost lost you because you literally jumped through fire.”
“You were going to die if I didn’t,” he growled, then let out a cough.
She pulled back before running her knuckles down his cheek. “You can’t die for me, Ryder. You can’t.”
“I didn’t die. Walker will Heal me, and we’ll get you in the bath so you’re healed, as well. Everything will be fine.”
It wouldn’t and she knew that. They were getting too close, letting emotions rule while they both knew they had to step back. They weren’t going to cement the bond, and every day she stayed with him, it would only make it that much harder to walk away. And yet she couldn’t leave. Not yet. She was torturing herself, but she couldn’t help it.
“I’m going to be about twenty minutes more,” Walker said casually. “Leah, do you mind getting us each a glass of water? I know we could use something stronger, but water should do.”
Grateful for Walker’s interruption, she gave him a nod then made her way back to the kitchen. She’d stopped shaking the moment she saw Ryder because then it wasn’t about her. It was about the man who’d risked his life for her. He’d saved her, and she didn’t know how to repay him. He and the Talons had saved her more than once now. She would be forever in their debt.
Roland would know what to do.
She stopped what she was doing and blinked. She hadn’t thought of her twin in a few days, though she knew he’d been in the back of her mind no matter what. It hurt to think that he wouldn’t be there to hear about what had happened. It hurt more that he wouldn’t be able to take a stand against not only Humans First but the Coven, as well. He had always been better with words than her.
She’d told herself when she left his grave that she wouldn’t allow Roland’s death to rule her life. But it still ached that she didn’t have him anymore. And now, Ryder had almost died, as well. It didn’t matter how many times she told herself that they wouldn’t be good for each other and that they would never mate; she knew if she’d lost him, she would have broken, shattered into a million pieces.
There was a reason the goddess had designed them to be optional mates, there would always be a connection because of it…until Ryder found another mate she supposed. But he’d told her he would never take a mate. However, no matter how hard she tried not to, she could only worry that maybe he’d meant that he would never take her as a mate. Maybe the next one would be the one that made him break his internal vow, the woman he’d want to bond with for eternity.
She didn’t like thinking she wasn’t good enough, but she couldn’t help it.