I was hard as fuck when I got out of the shower, dripping wet. I toweled off and tried to get my mind right, but it was so damn hard.
I finally managed to get myself dressed. I left my room and went down the hall, downstairs, and into my office.
“Morning, boss,” Rafa said.
“Morning,” I grunted at him. “Any news?”
“Nothing from the Russians,” he said.
I sat down at my desk, kicking my feet up on the top. Most people didn’t think of mobsters as having a desk, but most of our work was fucking calling people and making deals. It was just easier to have a spot to get that shit done.
Rafa spun around to look at me. “We should hit them back soon, boss.”
“No shit,” I said.
“What do you want to do?”
I shook my head. “I have some ideas.”
“They have that deli on Tasker,” he said. “We could torch it.”
I laughed. “The fuck is it with you and fire, Rafa?”
He grinned. “I don’t know, boss. I just have a thing for it, I guess.”
“That’s always your answer for shit: Let’s just burn it.”
“Can’t help myself.”
“Well, it’s not a bad idea,” I said. “I’ll think about it.”
As I moved from the desk to grab some coffee, there was a knock as the door opened.
Lucas nodded at me as he came into the room. “Vince, Rafa. Glad you guys are okay.”
“Fuckers got it worse,” I said, pouring myself some coffee.
“I heard you did some serious work,” he said. “My father wanted me to come down and congratulate you.”
“Yeah, well, they’ll think twice about fucking with me.”
“Vince, come here,” Lucas said, stepping out.
I nodded at Rafa and followed Lucas into the hall. He shut the door.
“Why were you guys there again?” he asked me.
“Did a little deal with the Latinos, cash for drugs. Thought it was straight until the Russians attacked.”
“You think the Latinos sold you out?”
“Maybe,” I said. “Thought occurred to me.”
“You got the money?”
“Yeah,” I said. “But I still have a problem.”
“Tell me.”
“My Chinese contact says we need a hundred grand to get the guns out of customs. I got fifty, but I need another fifty.”
Lucas nodded. “I’ll ask my father.”
“Good. I can repay it, but it’ll take time. I had planned on flipping these guns.”
“I know,” Lucas said. “We appreciate your help.”
“You fucking better.”
He laughed. “Shit, after you took down a Russian hit squad, I think everyone has a lot of respect for you right now.”
“What about the girl?” I asked.
“What about her?”
“She’s still going to be protected?”
“As far as I know, she is.” Lucas shrugged and leaned up against the wall. “Helps that the kid is really yours.”
“Fuck,” I said. “I know.”
“How’s it feel to be a dad?”
“Strange,” I said honestly. “I don’t really feel anything about it.”
“Yeah, you might not at first. Might take you a bit.”
“Not sure I want it to.”
Lucas frowned and didn’t say anything right away. Two years ago, Lucas would have felt exactly the same as I did. But now that he had Natalie and his kids, he was like a different guy.
“Listen,” he said. “You don’t want to be in this girl’s life? Fine, don’t. But that kid is your kid; you can’t walk from that.”
“I don’t plan on walking,” I said, annoyed. “Thanks for the advice, Saint Lucas.”
“Fuck you,” he said. “I’m trying to help.”
“I’ll take care of the kid,” I said. “I’m just not father material.”
“Yeah,” he grunted. “None of us are.” He patted me on the shoulder. “I’ll get the money.”
“Good.”
He nodded and then turned and headed off down the hall.
I watched him go for a second, and then my thoughts turned back to Kaley.
The idea of becoming a father in the middle of a violent war made no sense to me. I could be killed at any moment, my life snuffed out in blood and death. Kaley needed something serious and substantial if she was going to raise Alexei right, and I didn’t think I could provide that.
I was a mobster. I lived my life fast and violent, and that was all I knew. I had no idea how to be a father, or if I even could be a father.
I’d give her money, as much money as I could. Maybe I’d even put it in my will so that she got everything I had if I got killed. But what else could I do?
I wasn’t a role model. I couldn’t be that type of father for Alex, even if he was half me.
Frustrated, I went back into the office. Rafa glanced up as I walked past him, but he didn’t say anything. I sat down at my desk, leaned back in my chair, and closed my eyes.
What else could I fucking do? I wanted to keep Kaley safe and close. I wanted to help raise Alex.
But I lived life my own damn way and always would.
21
Kaley
Sonya was changing Alex when there was a knock at my door. I walked over and opened it, assuming it was the food I had ordered not long ago.
“Hi, princess,” Vince said.