Blake tightened his arms around my waist and drew me closer, talking into my hair. “Thank you.”
The next few minutes were spent in silence as the sun made its debut, signaling the start of a new day. I thought today would have been awkward, but it was the furthest thing from it. If anything I felt more secure than I had yesterday. I wondered if Blake felt the same way. After the roller coaster ride that had been “us”, it felt good to finally stand still and just be with each other.
Be with him.
That’s all he’d ever asked for in all of this and now that I was, I didn’t know why I’d resisted for so long. Nothing ever felt as right as when I was wrapped up in his arms. I’d tried so hard to protect us both, thinking this would make me feel exposed and unguarded, but the truth was I’d never felt so safe and secure in all my life. Not even before . . .
No, I wouldn’t go there.
Although it felt like a lifetime ago I’d walked away from all that, it was only a few short months and the “problem” still lingered. Though now a state away, at some point I would have to go home and face it. I just didn’t know how it would play out this time. Things were different now. I was finally noticing the change in me, and I wasn’t about to go backward.
I’d spent the night with a man, made love to him, and at no point did I freak out. That was huge. Monumental. Somehow in the short period of time I’d known Blake, he’d become my center. I wasn’t sure how he did it, but I felt like he’d been chipping away at my outer layers, exposing me, and then covering me back up before anyone could notice. I owed a lot to him for that—my life. He’d given me one.
“Angel?” Blake’s soft voice stirred me from my thoughts, and I jumped.
“Yes?”
“How ‘bout that shower?” He pretended not to notice I’d slipped away, but his eyes told another story.
His chin was settled on my shoulder, and I stared at his plump lips. I spun to fold myself into his lap and caress his mouth with my own, anxious to rid my mind of the place it was headed. His tongue still tasted sweet like cupcake, laced with coffee. “On one condition. You have to clean every inch of me spotless. I’m a very dirty girl.”
He growled into my mouth, slipping a hand into my robe to swirl around my nipple. “How about I lick you clean first, and then I scrub you down after? Just to make sure I don’t miss any spots.” He pinched my nipple and I gasped.
Jumping from the chair, I yanked him up and sprinted to the elevator, dragging a chuckling Blake behind me.
My first time with Blake was over a week ago, and I still got chills thinking about it. Every time we’d been together since just deepened our connection further, making me wonder how I’d ever survived without him. With everything I’d been through, I never thought I could hand myself over to someone, but with Blake it just felt natural. Like it was what I was supposed to do.
Still, negative thoughts popped into my head randomly, but I was working on pushing them away as quickly as they came. And although they’d become less frequent, I still awoke with night terrors periodically. I knew I had a long road ahead, but I was proud of myself for standing on the road at all, instead of staring at it from behind a bush.
I swept a speck of lint from my neatly pressed dress pants and fixed the shoulders of my flowy, flowery top. “Are you sure this is okay to wear to meet your parents?”
Blake placed his chin on my shoulder, wrapped his arms around me, and spoke to my reflection in the full length mirror. “You could wear a potato sack, and you’d still be gorgeous.”
I was still thawing out from the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. We’d gotten up with the birds, dressed extra warm, and set up folding chairs right at the start in the front lines. We’d cuddled and laughed and drank hot cocoa. I couldn’t help my excitement seeing Santa at the end. Seeing him for real, up close, made me forget he was just a childhood fantasy. Like a kid, eyes squeezed shut, I wished with all my might that I’d get everything I wanted for Christmas. Though, I already had most of what I wanted in Blake.
I turned to the side, examining myself further. “Are you sure? It doesn’t look like I’m trying too hard?”
Blake took my hands and turned me away from the mirror. “You’re perfect. Now stop worrying.”
I brushed my hands over his sweater, smoothing out any crinkles, and adjusted his cowlick collar. “Wanna just stay here and show me what I have to be thankful for all day?” I smiled a toothy grin, batting my eyelashes.
“Tempting, but we can’t.” Blake laced his fingers with mine and walked me from the bedroom. “But I do promise to show you just how thankful I am later.” He moved my hand to the hard bulge straining through his dark denim jeans.