“Same here,” I say, releasing a breath. Then: “I’m never keeping a secret like that again. If anything ever happened to you…”
For the first time in a long time, the air is peaceful between Lionel and me. Maybe neither of us has much else to say, but it feels good to sit here like this, with nothing bad or secret or unspoken between us.
“Did the parents tell you about my Central Coast road trip?” he asks.
“Kind of, but they didn’t say much. What happened?”
“It’s all kind of hazy, but I don’t even know how I ended up in San Luis Obispo. I think Rafaela and I were talking about it and I thought how cool it would be to go on a trip there, and then I just sort of took off.” He shakes his head like it was years ago instead of a few days. “Guess I took a detour and camped out on Pismo Beach overnight. That’s where I lost my phone.”
“You spent the night at the beach?”
He shrugs. “That’s what I told the guy at the bookstore. I was waiting on the doorstep when they opened. Got caught trying to buy a book with Dad’s credit card.”
“A twenty-thousand-dollar book.”
“Not just any book. A 1969 copy of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland with illustrations by Salvador Dalí,” he says, still awestruck. “He signed it, too. Dalí! It was amazing.”
“It was twenty thousand dollars,” I say in disbelief.
“Well, the hypomania thought I should have it.”
“At least your hypomania has good taste.” I shoot him a wry smile.
We’re quiet again, until Mom sticks her head out the front door and says lunch is ready. The smell of spicy grilled shrimp wafts out the door and lingers on the porch, reminding me of the tacos we ate when I arrived from Massachusetts at the start of the summer. That feels like a lifetime ago.
“I’m glad you’re back,” I say to Lionel as we stand.
“Yeah… me too.”
He gestures for me to walk in ahead of him. I think about how easily we could have lost him, both physically and mentally. But then I stop myself.
Right now, I just want to look at my brother, be at peace with the fact that he’s going to get better. We didn’t lose him.
He’s still my brother.
He’s still here.
Acknowledgments
Thank you to my brilliant editor, Alvina Ling, for loving this story from the start and helping me shape it into the book I always wanted it to be. Many thanks also to Kheryn Callender for your sharp eye, fresh perspective, and overall enthusiasm.
And thank you to the entire team at Little, Brown Books for Young Readers for all your hard work and dedication to this book.
Thank you to Corey Haydu for understanding me and supporting me and listening to me beyond reason. And for being my Life Twin. I am so grateful to know you.
Thank you to my dear friend Kristen Kittscher for your steadfast friendship, constant encouragement, and eternal kindness.
For friendship and first reads, thank you to Courtney Summers, Stephanie Kuehn, Sarah McCarry, Maurene Goo, Kirsten Hubbard, Elissa Sussman, and Justina Ireland.
Thank you to my parents for being my biggest fans.
And all the gratitude in the world to Tina Wexler for always believing in me and pushing me to do my best work. I am so honored to call you my literary agent and friend.