I imagine most people don’t have their first love or relationship remembered as having been so important and vital by EVERYONE around them. Nate was “the guy” because he was the only real one I had when I was a teen before it all came crashing down. My sickness came soon after Nate and permanently changed my life. He was B.C. and would forever remain B.C., innocently cast into that roll. Nate was remembered for having played it. Being there before my diagnosis.
It was only a matter of time before they all knew who he was. Which meant this dance had to be short and was getting shorter every second. When I’d invited Octavia to come here tonight all I’d been thinking about was forcing myself to be around them and getting accustomed to that. I didn’t think she would come. This wasn’t her kind of place. She didn’t “slum” with the locals and whatnot.
Until I saw them walk in the door I didn’t think my friends would remember Nate. It hadn’t even crossed my mind.
“Are you okay? I mean with him being here? And engaged?”
As if there was an answer to that. A normal person would be fine. It was seven years ago. I should be completely okay with it. That was what made sense.
“Yes, of course. It was another lifetime ago,” I replied.
“B.C.”
“Exactly.”
The song finished. I had to move. “I need to get back in case someone else remembers who he is. Otherwise it will be like lightning striking in a big dry forest. When it catches one, the rest will catch to, and then the forest will burn.”
“Very good analogy Bliss. He’s talking to Larissa. She looks pissed off. I guess she remembered him. There’s tree number two a burnin’.”
Crap!
I hurried over to the bar just as Nate was turning around to leave. I quickly scanned his face for any sign of anger. I only saw mild frustration. Glancing at Larissa behind him I noticed her scowling at his back. Yep, okay, she remembered him. Alright, here we go. Trees just a burnin’ and a burnin’.
“Do I need to be concerned that anyone else may recall who I am and want to kill me?” He asked and smiled disgustedly.
“I think Micah will help if they start to. I’ll be back at the table in a minute. I need to get a drink.”
“Why did you invite her, hell, us, into this, knowing what would happen?”
Good question.
“I’m not sure. Trust me I’m regretting it. Bad idea. Really bad idea.”
Nate started to say something else and then stopped before he walked off.
I turned my attention to Larissa who was eagerly waiting for me. She knew I was here to talk to her. I rarely drank that much.
She asked “why can’t the fiancé know you once had a thing?” Her expression spoke volumes, said she was annoyed, and so I answered bluntly and directly.
“Because he didn’t tell her right away and now he thinks it will cause an issue. I like my job. I don’t want to lose it.”
Larissa rolled her eyes. “This isn’t fucking junior high. He needs to be a man and get that shit out, air his clean and dirty laundry. He should tell the damn truth and be done with it.”
“It’s fine. I think it’ll be better with her not knowing. Forgetting it ever happened works for me.”
Larissa leaned forward, as close as she could get, resting her arms on the bar. “Does it really? It works for you? Or does it work for him?”
She thought I was protecting Nate. That’s why she was pissed.
“Octavia is spoiled and thinks she’s entitled. She’s been a good boss, but if she thought I was a threat, she’d get rid of me in an instant. I need the job and the income and without any experience she gave me the chance I needed. I don’t want to lose that. Even if I have to hide a secret.”
“Bliss, you’re making a mistake. He still has a thing for you. It’s in his eyes. I’m never wrong about that. But he’s not man enough to admit it. Don’t forget that. Don’t ever settle. You deserve a fairytale more than anyone I know. What you went through was tremendous. Devastating, and you have to have the best.”
Because I was sick? What I went through was “tremendous” and I “have to have the best?” These were words, part of the collection, I was used to hearing. But there was one always left unspoken. The “big word” never added to their comments. It hung silently in the balance. They all assumed because of it I should have the best. After CANCER it was supposed to be easy? No, nothing was. I still had to live this life and it was still going to be hard. Just like it was for everyone else.
“Thanks,” was all I could say. If I said what I really felt about that I’d sound like a brat and have to stand there, arguing back and forth. So, I walked away with a smile on my face I didn’t feel, but had already perfected, a long time ago when I was sick. My “false grin” was one of the best. I should win an Academy Award.
“Bliss!” Saffron’s voice carried above the crowd and I cringed. She was already drinking and drunk. I could hear it in her slur. Where did she find all these people who would give her alcohol?
“And she’s here. I’ve already texted Holland. There she comes,” Crimson said, pointing to the door where Holland was walking in. She was dressed normally. Like she had been at home comfortably reading. Which I was sure she had been.
“But James is here! I came to see James!” Saffron giggled, her boobs almost falling from her top, which by the way was the size of a napkin.
Holland paused. The hurt in her eyes was quickly masked. She definitely had a thing for James.
“I’ll take her outside,” James said. He put his arm around her bare waist as Saffron beamed up at him, leaning into his body, loving the man like a puppy. “You’re here,” she cooed. “Jamesy is here with me.”
“Yeah, but you already knew that,” was his response.
“I was hoping he’d stay at the table and leave this alone. Why are guys so dumb?” Crimson replied disgusted
I didn’t know the answer to this question. But I was wondering the same myself. Surely James knew what he was doing? How could he miss the look in Holland’s eyes whenever she looked at him? Saffron was identical to her, but Holland didn’t dress like Saffron and she was quieter, more withdrawn.
Was that what men wanted? The drawers of attention like Saffron? Damaged goods with expiration dates? I focused on the group at the table. Nate’s arms were around Octavia’s waist. They were talking and laughing, Jimmy being entertaining, because when he wanted he could be that. Nate seemed happy. Content.
My heart cracked a little more and weakened. I’d asked for this by inviting them. It was time I accepted it and learned to live with it.
Nate Finlay
IT HAD BEEN quiet last night on the way back to Octavia’s house. When we walked inside she went to her room and closed the door. No words. Nothing.
There was no question as to what was wrong. I knew. It would take a complete idiot not to know what was up her ass. Hell, I knew this was going to be an issue while I was doing it. But fuck me if I hadn’t been able to stop myself.